Yesterday’s was one of those pretty, gleeful matches that culés (and football aficionados everywhere) can only sit back and enjoy while they happen, and then go to hunt for the highlights and watch again and again. And it wasn’t because Cultural Leonesa wasn’t trying, far from it.

The match started in a sombre note, as the boys jumped on the pitch wearing black bracelets to keep a minute of silence for the death of Robert Enke, who played for us in the 02/03 season and who will be sorely missed.

Rest in peace, Robert Enke.

Pep, making use of his usually unfathomable methods, rolled out a team that seemed far stronger than the situation warranted, with a back four that wouldn’t be out of place in a tough Liga fixture: Pinto, Alves, Puyol, Márquez, Maxwell, Busquets, Iniesta, Dos Santos, Pedrito, Bojan and Jeffren.

The presence of Alves, Puyol, Busquets and Iniesta, all of whom are travelling today to join their respective national teams, seemed to give a clear message of “we are going to take this match seriously”, and it seemed to be a message that Cultural took to heart, as their starting eleven (Calzado, Cerveró, Roberto Carlos, Salva, Segovia, Pereira, Yahvé, Chema Mato, Jito, Denis and Ferrán) went out to play with dignity and good sense.

Whatever this image seems to indicate, the Cultural players weren’t on a sightseeing expedition; especially not Diego Calzado (seated, right) who had a lot of work to do.

For the first fifteen minutes, Barça had a staggering 81% possession, but it mostly seemed centred in endless passing between the midfielders and the defence, with Jeffren occasionally trying a run or two and Alves being indefatigable and inventive on the right, especially when combining with Pedrito. Jonathan “Johnny” Dos Santos (apologies to the naming purists, but I think Gio shouldn’t be the only one on the family with a catchy nickname) also had a couple of chances, playing well with Iniesta and almost wearing a big neon sign reading, “Watch me play, Pep!”.

Cultural, however, were not ready to give up. Even if none of their players really believed in an epic remontada, they were definitely interested in giving a good show to those of their people who had travelled from León to watch them play in the Camp Nou. Puyol had the chance to show off a couple of times (once just missing a shot on goal that could have been the first), and Pinto was steady on his feet when Jito, Ferrán or Slva got close to him (mostly after slipping past Maxwell).

Barcelona, after performing endless, virtuoso rondos round the midfield, seemed to decide that further was better, and Dani, Iniesta and Bojan tried shots from afar, to avoid the hassle of the competent Cultural defence; rosy-cheeked Diego Calzado, though, had a good day and his reflexes were pumped to the max, denying Bojan, Jeffren and Pedrito some chances before the half-time.

The impression the team gave during those first forty-five minutes was good (overall possession somewhere in the 70%, shots at goal, solid defence), but not outstanding. Bojan seemed a little listless and Pedrito lost himself amidst Cultural defenders on occasion, with Jeffren looking the liveliest of the three.

This all changed, however, in the second half. Pep must be a damn fine motivational-speaker, because Bojan came back onto the pitch on fire, showing it with a fine bit of finishing after a cross from Jeffren (stemmed from a pretty, pretty cross by pretty, pretty Maxwell) to score the first goal after only eight minutes into the second half. Jeffren had a chance a couple of minutes later, but it was again Bojan, with a delicious shot in an almost impossible angle, who scored the second and celebrated it with almost as much passion as Thierry Henry had celebrated his goal against Mallorca this weekend.

There you go, kitten! Happy now? Feeling vindicated?

The match was pretty much sentenced by this point, and both Barça and Cultural seemed to come to a happy agreement to just give the best possible show to the few fans that had braved the cold to be there. Pep collaborated with this, bringing in Fontàs for Jeffren (“Huh?”, we asked. “A fullback for a striker? Another one of your little experiments, Pep?”) and Messi for Puyol a minute later. Why he couldn’t sub Fontàs in for Puyol and Messi for Jeffren, like any sensible person would have done, I attribute to his superior ability to turn anything into a mindgame (or maybe because Jeffren’s leg was a bit iffy and Fontàs had been warming up longer than Messi).

Then Cultural subbed out Yahvé and Jito (their only goalscorer) for Suárez and Richar, and Pedrito celebrated by scoring off a very nice Messi&Iniesta move that let the goal perfectly set out for our Canarian striker to continue his amazing run of goals. And Messi wouldn’t be Messi if he tried to do better than anyone else on the pitch, this time with a gorgeous shot that curled into the upper corner of Calzado’s goal after the poor man, obviously a bit unnerved by having so many people running at him, gave a poor clearance.

Iniesta had been paying magnificently all night, and Pep rewarded him by taking him off at the 67th minute for Xavi. I had hoped to see another young’un make his debut, but our second captain celebrated his presence on the pitch after barely seven minutes with a wonderful header that became the fifth goal of the night.

By this time, the whole thing was a party. Calzado laughed like a little kid when he made yet another good save (and another, and another), the Cultural strikers had become more like midfield spectators, and there were jeers in the stands towards our nemesis, Real Madrid, who really could have used those fives goals in their own match.

Dani Alves, just to confirm that he is back to his Man-of-Steel ways, had the last chance of the match with a run, wiggle and shot that hit the post at the 89th minute, and the referee promptly stopped the game the very second the 90 minutes were over, undoubtedly thinking that enough was enough.

Five goals are enough, Dani. You can stop trying now. Feel sorry for the man in the pink shirt.

Cue much exchanging of jerseys and happy smiles. The Cultural Leonesa had played a good match, Barça had won and everyone was happy (except the folks of Real Madrid).

I’m not going to grade the team this time. I’d probably go overboard with the grades, accompanying them by notes such as “brilliant”, “fantastic” and “magnificent”. Let’s just celebrate Man of the Match Bojan for scoring twice and recovering his zest, Iniesta for playing in Xavi’s position in a way that Xavi would be proud of, Maxwell for finding his form during the second half, Dos Santos for a match that was as good as any of Busquet’s (I think we are going to see more of him when Keita and Yaya go to the Africa Cup), and the Cultural goalkeeper, Diego Calzado, for a damn fine match.

And let’s hope that the international break is kind to us and lets us keep this spark for our next Liga match, the 21st, against Athletic de Bilbao, because with their recent results, the Leones are going to be damn hungry.

Here, have some highlights to tide you over international break and put a smile on your face:

And that someone will be Pedrito, probably, because he wants to show us that he can score in every single match Pep lets him play. And Pinto and his Magical Braided Ponytail (TM), because otherwise he might as well turn fulltime musician. And… and…

International break is a nightmare, people.

Henry and Abidal have already left for Ireland, to make a stand with the French NT in the playoffs, Chygrynskiy has flown home to do the same with Ukraine against Greece, and Touré has left to play with Cote D’Ivoire, even though they’ve already have their World Cup Golden Ticket.

There’s something missing from this picture. Something like... well, players.

And that’s just the official matches. Because yes, then we have the friendlies on the weekend, and even though the players will still be in Barcelona tomorrow, seeing that most of them will be playing on Saturday, I don’t expect Pep to push them all onto the pitch (or perhaps he will; after the last match, I don’t think I can ever guess what he’s thinking).

Five Barça players have been called up for the Spanish NT to play meaningless, injury-prone games, also known as friendlies: Xavi, Iniesta, Busquets, Puyol and Piqué. One has been called for the Argentinean NT (and their match against Spain on Saturday is going to be a joy to see): Messi. Alves is going with Brazil to play against England and Oman in the Middle East. Even puppy-like Gai Assulin has been called up by the U-19 Israeli NT!

And just in case this wasn’t enough, on the injury list, we have Keita, who will be out for ten days and will thus save himself a trip with Ghana, and our dear Zlatan Ibrahimovic, who hurt himself playing against Mallorca and will not be available to play with the Swedish NT, even if he wanted to, which he is not so sure about.

So, who’s left?

Well… Pep is already calling in the reinforcements from the Barça Atlètic team; Johnny Dos Santos, Fontàs and Oriol Romeu (nice name, but I have no idea who he is, to be honest… wait, the Barça site informs me he’s a defensive midfielder, which is nice) trained today with the big boys, and there are more youngsters available, if need be.

Bojan is, I assume, ready and willing to take part in what was traditionally (meaning, “as of last year”) “his” competition and try to steal back the spotlight that Pedrito has been basking in lately. Maxwell and Márquez are staying home too. Jeffren can play rightback… oh, wait, no, he can’t.

Bojan’s attempts to convince us he’s tough enough to play might work better if he didn’t look like a kitten starved for attention...

And I wouldn’t mind seeing Guardiola in shorts and a blaugrana shirt again, to be honest. What’s that you say? The rules say no? Damn…

So, Pep’s list is: Valdés, Pinto, Puyol, Piqué, Márquez, Fontas, Alves, Maxwell, Romeu, Dos Santos, Busquets, Iniesta, Xavi, Pedrito, Messi, Bojan and Jeffren.

And my proposed line-up reads like:

————————-Pinto————————–
–Alves—-Márquez—Fontás—Maxwell—-
—-Busquets— Dos Santos—- Iniesta—-
———-Pedrito——Bojan—–Jeffren——–

With Romeu making his debut in the second-half if things are going well.

Pep, in the meantime, has been saying that we must “play with maximum seriousness” (he doesn’t want no smiley people out the pitch, y’all!), and, as optimistic as usual, has warned us that “anything can happen” and that the first round of the Copa del Rey is “always very dangerous”.

Perhaps he should tell this to Cultural Leonesa’s goalkeeper, Diego Calzado, the man with the unenviable duty of keeping Pedrito from scoring, who has said (in news that Google Translator has turned into a hilarious piece of surrealism), that they will play Barcelona “with respect, but without fear” and that he thinks that the final score will be 2-1. That’s right, Cultural’s own goalie think they will lose; I know they’re not Alcorcón, but couldn’t he at least aim for a draw?

Me, I think we’ll win. 3-0, perhaps (Pedrito, of course, will net a goal, perhaps two, and let’s say Bojan follows Thierry’s footsteps and scores too).

Your predictions?

With Real Madrid’s precedent of losing 4-0 to a Segunda B team the day before, a few of us were slightly worried we’d see a similar upset happen at the Reino de León, especially since Pep had given a day off to most of our match-changing players. But once we shook off the shivers and reminded ourselves that this is the Copa del Rey, a competition apparently designed to give the youth-team kids something to look forward to, confidence slowly returned.

It was the perfect opportunity for Pep to play with the puppies... erm, I meant, try the young players…

———————Pinto———————–
Jeffren—Márquez—Chygrynskiy—Maxwell
——————-Busquets———————
—————-Touré—-Keita——————–
———–Pedrito—Bojan—Assulin————–

Look at it. Notice something odd? Something different from my proposed line-up? Look again. Yes. You see it, don’t you?

What the Hell was Jeffren, a striker who is at his best when coming in from the left, doing playing right-back?! The only possible answer is to intone what has become my mantra since last season, “Pep moves in mysterious ways”. This strange move led to puppy-like Gai Assulin to make his official debut with the first team, and forced Busi to move into Yaya’s usual place, leaving our Tower of Strength in position to help Jeffren.

Cultural played Saizar, Cervero, Segovia, Salva, Gorka García, Yahve, Pereira, Chema Mato, Ferran, Chema and Jito, which is pretty close to what their starting eleven would have been any normal weekend.

The match started with Cultural playing well, playing strong, and having apparently taken the Alcorcón spirit well to heart. Luckily, Yaya Touré was there to get in the way of whatever white-shirted player thought he could just take the ball and run with it, and Rafa and Dima looked strangely comfortable playing side-by-side. Jeffren was trying, I’ll give him that, and running, and doing his best to impersonate Dani Alves (bitchfacing and tackling his way to a yellow), but he was woefully out of his depth and most of the danger that Cultural managed to create in the first half came from his side.

On the left, however, the Maxwell-Keita-Gai connection was working pretty well, and young Gai Assulin had a real show of class near the 12th minute, when he turned and twisted in the face of two Cultural defenders, only for his shot to go wide. In fact, I’d say he was the most active of our strikers, if not the most accurate. Bojan was trying a bit too hard to be Messi (which he isn’t) and Pedrito… well, Pedrito was there, but Jeffren and Yaya had enough problems with Chema and Jito to think about getting the ball to him.

There weren’t many shots on goal, from either side. Jito tested the magical powers of Pinto’s Braided Ponytail ™, but our second goalie answered all challenges nicely (even if he did take a few unnecessary risks from time to time), and with both Bojan and Pedrito running into the Cultural defenders all the time, Keita and Yaya both tried shots that went well wide.

But we wouldn’t be Barça if we couldn’t score even when the match isn’t all going our way! Forty minutes into the match, when Cultural seemed resigned to take the goalless draw to the half-time, and Touré and Busi had traded places for a while, Bojan took the ball into the penalty box and gave it to Pedrito before being mowed down by, I think, Segovia. Pedrito took the gift and flicked it past the goalkeeper with a deliciously cold-blooded show of finishing, and just like that, it was 0-1.

Does this look familiar? Pedrito has now scored in all five of the competitions Barça has played so far this season.

Heartened by the goal, I thought Barça would come out guns blazing to sentence the match early in the second half, but it was Cultural who cranked up the pressure. “Come on, these bastards don’t have mortgages!” was the immortal rallying shout of one of the Cultural players.

A bit concerned, or whatever passes for that emotion behind Pep’s unfathomable eyes and delicious gray suit, our manager finally did what we had been hoping he would do from the beginning, albeit in a more complicated way. Gai Assulin came out and Abidal came in. Thus, Maxwell moved to play RB, Abidal took Maxwell’s place, and Jeffren was returned to his rightful place.

And, damn it, did this work! Not ten minutes after the change, Jeffren lobbed a delicious assistance to Pedrito, who once again proved that he has very few things left to learn when it comes to finishing. 0-2 and it felt fine.

The match was broken by now. Bojan tried to pick a fight with the referee (who had been lenient all throughout the match) and Cultural made all their three changes at once, to try and get a goal in that would allow them to dream of a remontada at the Camp Nou. Pep was feeling benevolent and allowed another two youngsters to make their official debut: Jonathan Dos Santos came in for Keita, and five minutes later, Jonathan Soriano (the former Espanyol player who fought us in last season’s Copa del Rey derby) came in for Jeffren, who was suffering from his prolonged Dani Alves impersonation earlier.

Cultural still had a chance on goal, and we had more than one, but neither Jito, nor Bojan or Soriano managed to aim well, and the match ended with a comfortable 0-2 in our favour (I said it was going to end 0-3… not bad, even if I say so myself!).

“Stand back, puny mortals!” (no Cultural players were harmed during the playing of this match)

Now, for my unavoidably subjective grading!

Pinto: 8 Everything he had to do, he did it, and his braided ponytail didn’t suffer from it, though he took a couple of unnecessary risks.

Jeffren: 7,5 He is not a good right-back, but then again, there’s no reason why he should be; still, he did what he could, and later showed his best qualities when playing as a striker.

Rafa: 7 Solid and dependable, if not as fast as he used to be; the man wearing the captain’s armband last night is getting back in form.

Chygrynskiy: 6,5 Slipped up a couple of times, thankfully with no consequences, but he played well and got into the groove.

Maxwell: 7,5 Good job both as a LB and a RB; when he could play with Keita, it was a joy to see. I’d consider him for Dani’s position for as long as our other Brazilian is out.

Busquets: 6,5 Had a few of his “wobbly” moments, made a couple of unnecessary fouls, but he held his position well and helped the Yaya.

Touré: 8 Is my adoration of this man showing? Alright, so he missed a shot that should have been a goal, but he was always there to stop Cultural’s counterattacks and give Jeffren a hand.

Keita: 7,5 Not as unabashedly wonderful as he was on Sunday, but much more than good enough.

Gai Assulin: 7 Didn’t score, but it was not for lack of trying; he was active, he did everything he could to impress Pep, and I’d like to see him again.

Bojan: 5 His nerves were showing. He should be able to play this kind of matches without giving into the pressure; this said, he responded well to being kicked about and gave Pedrito the first goal.

Pedrito: 8,5 Man of the Match, if only because of the two goals; fantastic finishing and, once the right flank started working again, he had several good passes.

Abidal (for Gai, 56’): 7 Good match, even if he didn’t have much to do; he works very nicely along with Keita.

Dos Santos (for Keita, 80’): 6 He came in late and gave Cultural players more space than he should have, but he held his own well, all things considered.

Soriano (for Jeffren, 84’): 5,5 Did a bit of running around, missed a shot that he should have netted, but it was alright for his debut match.

So, we won and in a fortnight, Cultural y Deportiva Leonesa will visit the Camp Nou, with nothing to lose and a hell of a lot to win, but those two goals and our young players should be enough to let us slide further into the Copa del Rey. I’m good. Are you?

But remember, one of Lord Pep’s maxims is that you can’t trust anyone. Perfect strangers in the shape of Russian teams can come to the Camp Nou and beat us. Last year, an ickle Segunda B team knocked Real Madrid out of the Copa del Rey, Iker Casillas notwithstanding, not to mention that it was an ickle Segunda B team that yesterday beat Real Madrid 4-0.

So, we’re taking this match seriously. And, to demonstrate our commitment to give a good show and make every team we face feel important, we’re only leaving home a few guys: Leo Messi, Zlatan Ibrahimovic, Carles Puyol, Xavi Hernández, Andrés Iniesta and Gerard Piqué. I don’t know whether you’ve ever heard of any of them, but if it helps, I was told that Piqué is the guy who made a series of ads for a jeweler’s.

What do you mean we’re *not* taking this match seriously? Absences? What absences?

Yes, yes, of course it’s understandable. Messi, for a start, needs a rest after the chaos of internationals and giving his all against Rubin Kazan and Zaragoza. Ibrahimovic still has some pain in the knee that an Albanian knocked. Puyol was complaining about his ankle in the second half against Zaragoza. Piqué and Xavi have played virtually everything for both Barcelona and Spain, and need a bit of a rest. And Iniesta is picking up the pace after his injury.

What do we have instead? Well, the list of players Pep is taking reads like this: Valdés, Pinto; Benítez, Chygrynskiy, Márquez, Fontàs, Abidal, Maxwell; Touré, Jonathan dos Santos, Busquets, Gai Assulin, Keita; Pedro, Jeffren, Bojan and Jonatan Soriano. Yes, five boys from the youth team, and one of them will have to watch the match from the stands, though, since we can only enter 16 players for Copa del Rey matches.

Our main problem is the right flank. With Dani Alves experiencing a serious injury for the first time since he joined us, and Puyol having a bit of a well-deserved rest, we’ve had to reach into the spring of young players that is Barça B in search of a solution. And found that they’re also having problems covering the right flank. So we’ve dug deeper and came up with a young man called Iván Benítez (no relation to Rafa, I hope), who usually plays fullback but can adapt to fill in Dani’s big shoes. Pep’s other option, of course, is to take one of the two very talented men we have running on the opposite flank and make them change sides, but to be honest I’d rather have a young one giving his all, than Maxwell or Abidal trying to get used to the new position.

OMG! It’s Pep Guardiola. He’s talking to me. He’s touching me! He knows my name! Breathe, now, Iván, breathe...

Elsewhere, we’re flush with talent. Bojan, who was vital in getting the Copa last season, is back from injury and itching to play; Pedrito can come in anytime with his providential, oh-so-elegant goals; Jeffren got a few minutes’ play against Zaragoza in what seems a move designed to prep him for this match. Touré, Busquets and the Man of the Week, Keita, can lend some gravitas to the midfield. Rafa Marquez and Chygrynskiy can get more time on the pitch to recover their form after their respective injuries. Maxwell and Abidal both have done well and more than well playing on the left.

My predicted line-up?

————————–Pinto————————-
Benítez—Márquez—Chygrysnkiy—Maxwell
————————Touré————————–
——————Busquets—Keita———————-
—————-Jeffren—Bojan—Pedrito—————–

With Fontás to come in if Rafa or Dima get into trouble, and possibly some experimenting in the midfield, according to how willing Cultural Leonesa are to roll over and play dead (my guess? Not much). Gai Assulin or former Espanyolista Jonathan Soriano can sub in for any of the strikers.

Now, what do we know about our rivals? Preciously little, to be honest. They were delighted to be drawn against us, and promptly hiked out the price of the tickets to their seat, the Reino de León stadium, and sold them out. Their star player is Barcelona born-and-bred Jito, who is a declared fan of our local enemies, Espanyol; he’s a nice, effective striker who has scored 9 of the 9 goals the Cultural Leonesa has on their tally this season, and I bet he’d love to put one past Pinto.

I couldn’t find a bigger picture, but look at them! They’re dressed in white! Isn’t that enough for us to want to beat them?

Cultural y Deportiva Leonesa was founded in 1923, as a result of joining Gimnástica and La Victoria, two smaller teams of the city of León. In 1926, it won the fifth-tier championship, and made it into Segunda by 1927. Their biggest achievement so far has been to play a whole season (54-55) in la Liga as we know it, although they couldn’t keep up with the big boys and have dithered between the lower tiers since then.

So far, this season has been poor for them. They are sitting 17th out of the 20 teams of their group in Segunda B, with only two wins, four draws and four losses to their name; their goal average wouldn’t keep anyone awake at night. However, Josu Uribe, their manager, thinks that “victory is possible”, but also that “a draw here in León wouldn’t be a bad result”.

Pep, on the other hand, has made clear that we are taking the match seriously and that Barça “never gives away anything. Not a match, much less a competition”; he acknowledges that having a return leg makes things easier for Barcelona, but also reminds us that last season we barely got past Segunda B team Benidorm at this stage (Pep, always so optimistic!).

Me, I’m happy. Sunday’s match against Zaragoza quelled any doubts I could have harboured about the team. I’m full of confidence in the young ones, who are going to try their damnedest to impress Pep. I predict a comfortable 0-3 victory for Barça. And you?

So. This is a bit of housekeeping that should have been done days ago, but we can thank GolTV for not showing the freakin’ Copa final, for that. Having caught up with the Fox Soccer broadcast, we can now revel in the visual joys of our first piece of silver this weekend.

And I’ll be brief with this one, because there really isn’t a whole lot to say, except this picture, from the greatest moment in the match, The Yaya Goal.

Yes, it was 0-1 Bilbao when The Yaya took a pass, fleet-footed up the pitch, smoked 3 Bilbao defenders and unleashed a mighty strike, low and hard, that blew past the keeper as if it were shot from a cannon. Suddenly it was 1-1, and Bilbao looked stunned, probably because of all the people you expect to kill you, you don’t expect a defensive mid-cum center back to do so, from all the way in his own freaking box.

But know that you can’t explain magic. The shit just happens.

Guardiola rolled out a lineup that wasn’t all that surprising, really. It gave some love to the most consistent Copa performers, while making sure it was clear that we were in this match to win it: Pinto, Alves, Pique, The Yaya, Puyol, Busquets, Keita, Xavi, Messi, Krkic, Eto’o.

And anyone who entertained a realistic chance that we could lose this match must be a pessimist, or a Bilbao fan. Because even when they scored the first goal, as the attacker soared for a clear header between little Xavi (can he even jump?) and a bewildered-looking Keita, the issue was still never in doubt.

Which probably explains why the lads were milling about as if this were a scrimmage. They knew that they were the superior side, and they acted and played like it, taking their sweet time getting into the match, knowing that about 15 minutes of good football would seal the deal.

Bilbao was trying long ball, Route 1 stuff over the top, that bypasses our aggressive, ball-skilled midfield. Not a bad strategy, given that we defend from the midfield. But sides are better off just having a direct crack at the back line, and it bore fruit a couple of times, but to no real danger.

They decided to play footy for real in the second half, as the back line moved up to press the midfield, compressing the pitch and creating, in effect, a midfield of Xavi, Keita, Busquets, Puyol, Alves, Messi, Eto’o and The Yaya. If you get it behind them it’s clear sailing, but good luck with that if you try doing so on the ground, which Bilbao tried to do all too often.

And when a series of intricate passes led to an Eto’o shot that had absolutely no chance of going in, Bilbao’s keeper spilled the rebound, which fell to the foot of Messi, who made no mistake. It was 2-1, and we had all the space in the world in which to pass into, in part because of how we flooded the midfield.

So another series of great passes led to Krkic’s exquisite goal, a curler that snaked its way around a defender and the keeper, to kiss in off the far post. It was a Little Henry moment, that made the French striker’s influence on Krkic as clear as anything I’ve seen. He even struck the ball like Henry does, with the same effect. Sure, he could have passed to a wide-open Eto’o, but why? He probably would have found a way to miss the shot. So Krkic nailed it.

The final goal came off a free kick, as Messi had his clock cleaned by a Bilbao defender. Xavi’s curler made them pay, though I still don’t know why the keeper didn’t get it, unless he figured that running into the post for a 3-1 vs 4-1 difference in a match that his side had zero chance of winning, wasn’t all that good of a deal. He balked, and the free kick glanced off the post and went in.

And we, as has already been previously noted by one and all, are Copa del Rey champions.

Next up, the Liga.

Team: 6 A more dangerous club could have caused many more problems for the defense. They didn’t play a whole match, but had they played the entire match as they played that critical 20-minute stretch in the second half, it would have been a 10.

Guardiola: 7 Came out with an excellent lineup. Loses points for leaving Messi out there too long.

Pinto: 7 Didn’t have much to do, but did it well.

Alves: 6 Fighting his way back to being the player who made his 30+ million transfer fee seem a bargain. Some good defense, some good passes, and dude got hit in the head with a bottle, yo! Damn!

Pique: 7 Excellent early, particularly at the task of controlling Llorente. Once Bilbao was reduced to impotence, his role and effectiveness diminished.

The Yaya: 8 It seemed at times that he was playing central defense and midfielder. And what a goal.

Puyol: 7 Much aggression, and once again makes the argument for his being used as a winger in Rome, rather than in the center of defese. Aggression on attack and defense.

Busquets: 7 Better today, but against a team more complicit in its own demise. Bilbao seemed to almost cede the midfield in favor of over-the-top attacking. But, some very fine passing and good defensive plays.

Keita: 7 I’m really getting it now. He was Busquets-like in his distribution and attacking skills, in a fine all-around game. He’s coming around at the exact time that we need him.

Xavi: 10 What an exquisite match from our little General. He almost single-handed kick-started our match winning period with great, hyper-intelligent distribution and ball control. Amazing to watch.

Messi: 9 When he is passing and moving as he was against Bilbao, forget it. He was fully engaged, and super aggressive.

Krkic: 6 Some good play, disappeared when placed in central role. Beautifully taken goal that served to show Eto’o how it’s done.

Eto’o: 5 Had good work and workrate, but his first touch is disastrous. Practice, practice, practice. The missed chances….wow.

Substitutes

Pedro!: 6 Some nice play, very aggressive.

Sylvinho: 6 Solid and workmanlike. Made a case for Rome.

Hleb: 6 Looked good, but still pressing too hard.

Next up is the Liga, a trophy that should be salted away on Sunday, and then we can focus on Rome. We came out with no new injuries. Now let’s put Mallorca away so we can really rest some folks.

La Vanguardia has a nice photo gallery of the game, if you’re interested.

So, to the match, to Athletic Bilbao taking on FC Barcelona in the final of the Copa del Rey. We know a couple of things for sure: Athletic are going to be physical, aggressive, and fairly desperate to win a title. Without even the possibility of starting Abidal, Iniesta, or Henry the responsibility falls on younger shoulders (unless Sylvinho starts) to put some balls in the back of the net and bring home part 1 of the triplete.

The historical significance of this matchup isn’t being overlooked by many, but perhaps it’s worth going over for a few seconds before getting back to the nuts and bolts of the game tomorrow. Throughout the entirety of the Spanish first division, Athletic Bilbao has maintained a good record, winning 8 times, their most recent being in 1983/84. While they won 4 of those titles in the the 1930s, they’ve been steadfast members of the top flight and have actually won the second most number of Copa del Rey titles, behind only Barcelona (23 to 24, though I would support both teams as having 24 thanks to the controversy surrounding the 1902 win). So this is, for many, a battle to be the first to 25, to lead the Copa standings. The last time Athletic won the cup — 1984, when they won the double — they beat Barcelona 1-0.

The last time Barcelona won the Copa (1998), the game took place in, of course, Valencia. Yay for historical convergences that mean nothing, really, but which are fun to point out anyway! For Athletic, this is a game of games, a testament to their club as a whole, from past to present. For Barça, I think it’s a little less important, but no less interesting. Being the first to 25 probably has some measure of importance and no doubt Laporta would like to adorn himself in the glory that has so far escaped them in the Copa. A triple would ensure Joan wins the next election, even if it doesn’t take place until 2054.

By the way, if you care what the players were doing the last time Barça won the trophy, check out the official site’s look at just that. It’s interesting to think that Milito rooted against Barça, but why shouldn’t he have?

Back to the game at hand, though. This is not a contest between what happened several years before Messi, Bojan, Busquets, Pique, and Caceres were born (and 6 days prior to Iniesta’s birth), but rather between two canteras. Athletic is known for bringing up home grown players and they boast a pretty serious squad of Basque talent, to which I must doff my cap, but which I also must insist our team defeats.

In league play, Barça won both encounters 0-1 away on October 19 and 2-0 at the Camp Nou on March 7 with goals by Eto’o and Busi as well as a Messi penalty. The reviews of these games are here and here. Kevin’s man of the match in the away game was Victor Valdes and for the home game, Carles Puyol. We’ll probably be without Valdes because the Copa is Pinto thing, but Puyol will be there and he won’t get injured oh god cross your fingers right now. RIGHT NOW!

The squad lineup for Barça this time around is: Valdés, Pinto, Alves, Puyol, Piqué, Cáceres, Sylvinho, VícSán, The Yaya, Busi, Keita, Xavi, Gudjohnsen, Hleb, Bojan, Eto’o, Pedro!, Messi.

[updated lineup, de-Hlebified] Now, I’m going to advocate a somewhat weaker lineup, but it’s for a reason: Pinto, Puyol, Piqué, Cáceres, Sylvinho, Busi, Keita, Xavi, Bojan, Eto’o, Messi. [/update]

With Abidal coming back for the Mallorca match we can use Sylvinho now, get him a little bit of game time, and then a bit more the next weekend before the CL final. We need to see if Cáceres can handle the CL final by seeing if he can handle the Copa final — while the latter is not truly comparable to the former, they are both finals and the Copa final is a good tune-up for the CL final, I would imagine. The Yaya can’t play defense if we want to win because we need him in his DM role more than we need him in defense. I know Cáceres is young, inexperienced, and occassionaly rash, but you could put him on the right to deal with Rooney’s pace or you could put him in the middle to deal with Berbatov whenever Pique can’t (assuming Berbatov starts).

I hate to use Xavi at this point, but I don’t have any faith in Hleb’s ability to run the show and with Iniesta injured, there’s really no one else. Xavi plays tomorrow, I say, but not against Mallorca. Pique in the back is important to deal with Llorente, despite the fact that there will be no rest whatsoever for the the Great Catalan Beanpole (GCB) unless we put the title away against Mallorca. Then we can throw in Botia and Cáceres as our CB pairing. But we’re getting ahead of ourselves a bit, I suppose.

I like the idea of Busi starting because he needs to get his feet back under him after his beating against Chelsea, where he was absolutely invisible/terrible. He can handle Athletic and will draw fouls out of them so long as he doesn’t get caught in possession, which I think Xavi will help him with by providing a good outlet. Keita deserves the chance to start after his goal against Villarreal (that sheepish smile afterwards is worth it alone, right?) and should be able to provide some welcome steel to the midfield, especially if he continues to play like he has been in La Liga.

Without Iniesta and Henry, our options are somewhat more limited up front. I like the idea of Messi coming off the bench, but I’d rather wrangle control of the game before that’s necessary, so put him out there with Bojan and Eto’o, who will be active and movement-oriented rather than static. Pedro! could be included as well, but I think he’d make a great second half sub for Messi. Sure, there’s a huge dip in quality there, but that’s how that is going to have to be based on our other available offensive weaponry. Eto’o will just have to man up and grab some goals here to make his inclusion worthwhile. No more of this banda-ying about on the wings (La banda, get it? Ha! I made a joke in two languages! And it wasn’t funny in either!) and more of the “I am Eto’o, I must crush you in the middle” with some serious first touch shots, not dribbles. That’s not his game, as I argued in the comments of the previous post.

So there you have it, our starting lineup. This is a real final. This is for real, people. This is serious. This is no joke whatsoever. Oh man, it’s so on.

Official Prediction: 0-2, Barcelona. Yeah, I said it. We’re doing this with the clean sheet (thanks, Pinto!) and we’re doing it with two goal from Samuuuuu. We’re the away team, sure, but whatever, we’re both away and it’s in Valencia, where we know we can do this. Title #1, coming right up.

If the game is on GolTV, then the Where to Watch page is relevant. Check it out if you’d like to catch the game in a bar somewhere.

There he is, kids, practicing his mad ninja skills just in case the Jedi mind trick didn’t work, Jose Manuel Pinto, who deserves a nickname of his own. So the contest is open, boys and grills. For today, however, let’s just say that his nickname is Man of the Freakin’ Match.

Kinda long, but it has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?

I’m going to be brief with the yammering, and let the points do a lot of the talking, mostly because there really wasn’t a lot to say about this match. We knew that Mallorca couldn’t beat us and we played like it, kinda half-assedly sashaying about the pitch, to a degree that mightily vexed His Yayaness, who was acting almost captain-like in getting in people’s faces, demanding better and quicker play.

After some early pressure, we began to rest and Mallorca began to have life. Problem is, they didn’t know what to do with it. Yes, they got a goal, and Keita, Alves and Pique should be clubbed for it. You just don’t allow a lofted pass to get to a player uncontested. Further, you don’t allow the player to control the ball with token pressure, nor do you allow him to pass it to a man who is right there in front of you. And of course, you compound the error by seeing the shooting lane, and not blocking the only option the player had. For all of these things, you three get the Special Prize.

And I don’t have to tell anybody where it’s headed, right?

The lineup was interesting, with Pinto, Alves, Pique, Puyol, Caceres, Yaya, Keita (rumor), Busquets, Iniesta, Hleb and Krkic.

We all had the same thought, right? “Where the midfield runs at, yo?” Iniesta replied “Right here,” as he almost got a goal less than 5 minutes in with a Messi-like run. But his shot wasn’t beating an on-form Lux today. No way, no how.

Then the match degenerated into about what we all expected: a foul-fest, as Mallorca realized that they couldn’t win, so kicking was the option.

For us, this was a crappy match. We had the chance to play ourselves out of the doldrums with a fine performance, and we phoned it in, essentially playing 8 on 11, thanks to the absences of Keita, Busquets and Alves.

Ray-Ray kept blaming the conditions but really, I think that the bad passing, lack of runs and none of the typical overlapping, interlocking play had nothing to do with the conditions. We’re a team that is damaged right now, who faced the exact right team that we needed to face, namely a team that couldn’t beat us. And we tied, moving into the Copa final against a surprising Athletic Bilbao team, who beat Sevilla as they would have beaten us today, like a rented mule.

And with that….

Team: 4. Below average play on a day when it should have excelled with ease. Time after time an attacker charged toward the box, with zero support, or late-arriving support. Say what you will about Eto’o and Henry, but you don’t have to invite them to a party in the box.

Guardola: 7. Made the right substitutions, and came out with the right back line, undone by “Tiger Style” Caceres. His Marquez sub stabilized the back line, in effect showing cognizance that we weren’t going to score a bunch, so we’d better stop them from scoring.

Pinto: 8. I don’t even have to visit the match comments thread to know what everyone is saying. “Start him next Liga match.” Right? Right? His Jedi Mind Trick on the penalty taker resulted in the match-winning moment. T’was a great save, and something that Valdes would nevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverever have done. Never. The player, when he saw that gesture, simply had to hit the ball in that direction. Pretty comprehensive awesomeness. He’s flailing at balls that he needs to take, but that’s something that comes with reps.

Alves: 3. The rest will do him good. He was awful today. He’s becoming Route 1 for attacks, as well. When he isn’t raising hell on the offensive end, his defense becomes a liability, as it was today. Notice that he’s starting to not get calls, because of being the Boy Who Cried Wolf. Expect it to continue until he mans up. Of late, he’s been slow and out of position too much, easily being outdone by quick wingers with good ball skills. Thankfully, La Liga doesn’t have many of those, right? Riiiiight.

Pique: 7. Good match from Lank today, including a great tackle in the box that was all ball. Won every header that came near him, and his ambitious upfield pass off the volley forced the bad clearance that broke Messi loose for the tying (and match-sealing) goal.

Puyol: 6. Our Captain tried, but was having an off match, including getting smoked by Keita (their Keita, who actually showed up) on a spin move. Thankfully, Webo was offside.

Caceres: 5. Was shaping up to be our best defender, doing a pretty good Abidal impersonation with range, pace and combativeness. Man, does he like to get in a player’s face. Then came the unfortunate, studs-up challenge that was a deserved straight red. He was rocking the house until then, and deserves more outings.

Yaya: 7. Strong match in the holding position, with smart positional play. He was often the only man making a run, like the guy on the battlefield saying “rally behind me!” He doesn’t run as much as rumble. He played a fine match as our only real defensive presence in midfield.

Keita: 2. He was there. I know he was there. He started, and I think I saw him running around. I’m pretty sure. Although now that I think about it, maybe I’m not so sure. Hmmm….

Busquets: 2. I know that he was out there, and it wasn’t pretty. He was terrible today, doing everything wrong except for drawing fouls, which he proceeded to sell even harder by writhing about as if his ass was being flossed with red-hot barbed wire. Well looky here, Legacy. You wanted the man-sized contract. Now play like a man. Pass after pass went awry, every time he stuck his boot in the way he does instead of getting into position, the ball went to a Mallorca player. Just awful.

Hleb: 4. I stick up for you, and this is how you repay me? Yes, he had some excellent positional play and a few exceptional passes, including one that sprung Alves on a run that he should have done better with. But overall, he just didn’t have it today. The doubters are picking up steam. I still wouldn’t have minded seeing him in that Xavi position. Perhaps another time.

Iniesta: 6. Started out like gangbusters, then gradually disappeared, right after that hard foul. Did anyone notice that he was rubbing his thigh in almost the exact same spot it was injured two weeks ago? I did, and it sent chills down my spine. He still needs someone to play off of, and he just didn’t have it. He’s a great player, but he can’t control those box runs like Messi can.

Krkic: 1. The Kid was horrible today, always going a dribble too far. Did he even hav a shot on goal? He got the starting chance that everyone was saying that he deserved today, and his movement was off, his passing was off, his runs were off, he was just off. He seems to think he’s Henry, getting the ball on the wing and trying that same drag and dive bomb past the defender. But without Henry’s pace, he just loses the ball. I want to believe….

Substitutes:

Marquez (for Iniesta): 7. Strong positional play that stabilized the back line at a time when things were looking a bit dire. This was a better showing from the Kaiser.

Messi (for Krkic): 8. He brought energy and fire to the side, bringing that right side to life. And what a great goal. A lot of his score is based in intangibles, but you could see the whole side get some bounce in their steps when he came on. He was a bit selfish today, but he was surrounded by crap so it was hard to blame him. If I’m Messi and my two options on the break are Hleb and Yaya, I’m taking it myself.

Xavi (for Hleb): incomplete. Not sure what was said to Hleb as he was coming off, but it seemed to be just what the doctor ordered. A nice little run-out to get the blood flowing, and not much more.

So. It’s on to the Copa final, and we can even scout our opponent this weekend. How ’bout that?

Or you could do what I do on game days: stare at my computer screen while hitting refresh every time the squad list page loads. I can barely even register any of the words on the screen, deciding when things have been posted only by shifting line lengths and number of characters present. Will it be The Yaya? Marquez? Ack, Pep, you’re already killing me and there are 24 hours until kickoff!

So we’re up 2-0 in this here two-legged tie, which fundamentally changes the way that I approach this preview. Here are our chances to advance: any win of any score, any draw of any score, and a 1-0 loss. A 2-0 loss means we go to extra time. So, barring a Getafe-esque debacle, we’ll go through even if we start the second-tier team.

However, last time we played, it looked like this before and this after. Mallorca was, at the time, going in with several losses and draws in a row, but now they’ve won 3 straight, including 2 straight away. That, um, changes things. This is their only chance for any silverware whatsoever, so we’re going to have to show up, despite our obvious advantage going on.

Guardiola has called for all hands on deck, so to speak, by putting everyone on the squad list. Everyone. Like…all of them. Yeah, that narrows it down for me, Pep. Thanks a lot. But, I’m going to forge ahead, as always, in the face of adversity.

I’m calling for the following lineup: Pinto, Alves, Pique, Caceres, Sylvinho, Busi, Keita, Hleb, Bojan, Eto’o, Pedro!

There are reasons for each player. Let’s build at the back. Pinto is our Copa keeper and that’s just how it is. It has nothing to do with Valdes’ real or perceived foibles, but rather because we’ve always used Pinto and not doing so would be silly. I don’t think that Pinto increases or decreases goalie risks, to be honest, because he brings a different style from Valdes. VV has the reaction speed that Pinto lacks, but Pinto has better command of his area, generally speaking. So that’s that.

The defense should be, I think, the same as it was against Real Betis, with the exception of Sylvinho for Abidal. The reason is because despite Mallorca’s obvious need to push forward, if we play with Sylvinho on the wing, we can keep pressure on their wingers, who will be forced to play slightly withdrawn in order to prevent Hleb and Sylvinho from combining up the side with Bojan in order to get the ball into the box to Eto’o more fluidly. Now, I know that the best response to this, if you’re not in favor of Sylvinho starting, is merely to point out that the last time Sylvinho started, he not only didn’t play particularly well, but also we lost. And we lost because we didn’t have enough coverage on the wings. Fair enough. However, I think that Sylvinho can prevent a 2-0 or worse loss simply by providing solid crosses that Bojan and Eto’o can put away. We’ve already seen that Bojan can get in behind defenses when there are good crosses sent his way, so why not increase the number that do so, especially since Mallorca is not going to be able to muster the same amount of offensive firepower that Atleti did.

As for subs, I think we can give Milito 20 minutes at the end, to get him some reps, especially if we’ve got the game salted away. Even if we don’t, though, I think it’s worth giving him the opportunity to kick some people in the shins and get back into the swing of things.

In the middle, I’m calling for a DM (Busi), fronted by Keita and Hleb. I think that this is the opportunity Hleb can use to create something on the wings with both Alves and Pedro! or, if he switches to the left, with Sylvinho and Bojan. That takes some of the playmaking pressure off of him, though it does increase the pressure on Keita, who would be responsible for the high pressure and their playmaking midfielders. I can see Guardiola betting on Xavi to be able to play his way through 4 more games (Mallorca, Bilbao, Lyon, Almeria), but I don’t necessarily think that’s the best way to go. Give Xavi and Messi their time off and at halftime you can sub on Iniesta, who will dramatically change the game. If Iniesta does start, then throw him on for either Hleb or Pedro!, depending on the role you want him to play.

Iniesta can play either the Xavi role or the left winger role, depending on what’s necessary. Starting him isn’t the best idea, I don’t think, because I’d like to see him play against both Bilbao and Lyon (especially Lyon). However, getting him some playing time is good. If we need more width on the left, we can either swap out Bojan directly or swap Bojan and Pedro! and the sub on Iniesta for Pedro!.

The front line (Bojan, Eto’o, Pedro!) is designed to both put some fresh legs out there and provide some width to what has lately been a slightly underwhelming attack in terms of speed and precision (not counting Messi’s goal against Atleti). Eto’o, however, is a beast, but just needs to get a little bit of confidence into his legs and he’ll return to the goal-per-game rate that we were just getting used to. His veteran leadership (if you can call it that because I’m not sure screaming and being a total beastly beast counts as leadership, but sometimes it does, I guess, maybe) is necessary and good, and he provides a lot of physical power in the middle that no one else on the team can. He has positional sense and capability that no one else has and he can open up channels in the offense for both himself and for his partners up front.

So there you have it, my defense of my lineup. Show me the light, if you can, in the comments.

Official prediction time, suckas: 2-1, Barcelona. Goals by Eto’o and Bojan. We’re the best team out there and we’re going to prove it against Mallorca, with our second-string team. And we’re going to let in a consolation goal late in the match thanks to Milito getting a bit mixed up with Pique, who he has never played with before. (Our third sub will be Guddy on for Keita).

And, because this is the Copa, don’t forget that the Where to Watch page is relevant.

Team win, in a very workmanlike way. In many ways this was about the match that I expected. Anybody who doesn’t think that the lads weren’t conserving energy out there is kidding themselves.

Mallorca put up a brave fight, but the simple reality is that were it not for a keeper playing crazy football and some unlucky finishing on our part, this scoreline wasn’t as lopsided as it could have been.

All in all, a very workmanlike day at the office.

I’ll be brief with this one, since there isn’t really a lot to say about this solid, underwhelming match. Mallorca never really looked like doing anything except losing, the only question being by how much. When I saw the starting XI: Pinto, Alves, Pique, Marquez, Sylvinho, Yaya, Gudjohnsen, Iniesta, Hleb, Krkic and Henry, I figured there would be not much more than a couple of goals out of the side, but as long as we didn’t concede, all would be well.

This accounts for then “when in doubt, play it back to Pinto” mentality that the defense evinced. I am not, however, sure what accounted for the at times lackadaisical play from that same back line. There was always a space for Mallorca to move the ball into on the rare times they would seriously attack, a disconcerting thing that I don’t would have been happening had the lads been more serious about this match.

The first goal came from pretty much what we thought it would, a great pass in to the head of Henry. The source was the surprise, as Krkic laid in an Alves-like pass that still required some work to earn him an assist, but Henry was up for it with a glancing header that was a lot more difficult than it looked. It was 1-0 and pretty much match over, as in stick a fork in it.

A second goal certainly would make things more comfortable heading back to Mallorca, and Marquez provided, off a beautiful free kick that bent like crazy and found the near side. 2-0, and it was really, really over.

–The ref was insane, and I thought he really disrupted the flow of the match with the crazy calls and excessive carding.

–Iniesta is snakebit. How he didn’t score that goal off the amazing one-two with Henry is still boggling my mind. It was more difficult not to score that one.

–That shifting of the earth that you felt at 31:58 was the gods leaping to their feet because Hleb took a shot. I was stunned, but not surprised that it thwacked off some Mallorca legs.

And with that….

Team: 8. They got the job done, with much better collective than individual play.

Guardiola: 8. Right lineup against a side that was complicit in its own demise. The subs of Messi, Busquets and Eto’o were just to get them a bit of work before the weekend, to keep them match fit I’m guessing.

Pinto: 7. Didn’t really have a damned thing to do all match. Almost cocked up that weird flighted ball and had a couple of uncertain moments. But all in all, solid.

Alves: 7. Again, solid and much better at winning balls and playing defense. He didn’t have his usual offensive effort on today, but he seemed to be playing at half-speed. Can’t say why, since he has the weekend off.

Pique: 6. Caught out of position a few times, but is still continuing his nice, solid run of play. But man, is he slow.

Marquez: 8. The rock back there. Contributed an excellent bending free kick goal, and a nice sliding tackle in the box that was not a penalty. Very risky, but not a penalty.

Sylvinho: 5. Couldn’t really handle Webo, and was out of position quite a bit. And with no offensive contribution from him really, the question becomes “Why not Abidal?”

Yaya: 5. Clunky and funky, an uncharacteristically sloppy match from him today. He really looked to have the rheostat dialed back.

Gudjohnsen: 4. I was wrong about him being due for a good match today. Sluggish and seemingly in the wrong place all the time. A few good moments, but generally mediocre.

Hleb: 8. A bit of redemption, as pass after pass found waiting Barca feet. Krkic really should have gotten Hleb an assist or two in the first half, but shot right at the keeper.

Iniesta: 7. Very good, but there were periods where he was AWOL. How he doesn’t score off that great setup by Henry, I have no idea.

Henry: 7. Do we have anyone on the side who holds the ball better while waiting for the attack to catch up? No. Some great passes, and the header goal was killer.

Krkic: 7. The kid was a live wire today, bringing back a lot of the magic. He moved differently for this match, with much more energy and precision. Bad luck not to have scored.

Subsitutions:

Busquets (for Gudjohnsen): 6. Picked up right where he left off as a foul drawing machine. Very solid, not spectacular.

Messi (for Henry): 6. Not that influential, but created tons of space for teammates. Had a couple of great runs and a couple of “one dribble too far” moments. But he got loose for Gijon.

Eto’o (for Krkic): Incomplete. He got to run around and get loose, but that’s about it.