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An imperious team performance by our men in Blaugrana today saw some vivacious attacking football that had Inter on their heels all evening long. Some good saves by Julio Cesar prevented by what all accounts (save the score line) was a rout. A singular tense moment in the first half, caused by you know who (Valdes) saw Inter’s only real chance of the game floundered. We were not even put off by our game by the absence of two of our biggest stars Ibrahimovic and Messi. By the way we played this evening, as a team, you wouldn’t even recognize their absence, which is how we should be playing every game.

Indeed, it appears that during his reign, Pep always finds a way to motivate the lads to do their best when it is absolutely needed: Barça 2-0 Madrid, Barça 5-2 Lyon, Barça 4-0 Bayern, Barça 6-2 Madrid, Barça 1-1 Chelsea, Barça 4-1 Athletic, Barça 2-0 Manchester. Now you can add Barça 2-0 Inter. We sit on top of Group F now, and as it stands, a draw against Dynamo Kiev will see us through to the knock out rounds.

Many of us (including me) were worried how the team would perform given out astounding (at least for us Barça fans at the moment) number of injuries and mishaps that had befallen our team in the lead up to the game. Abidal, who had H1N1 made a miraculous recovery and our steam engine on the left looked like he had been fine all along. Most unfortunately, the Yayaminator did not recover in time, as he had also contracted the virus discovering a new species of human relatives. Ibra and Messi were both out with muscle injuries, but both recovered enough to make the bench. Them appearing would be based on how our team was performing during the game, which we all would see was definitely not needed.

So diving into his magical formation making machine hat, Josep rolled out with this starting XI: Valdes, Alves, Puyol, DJ Pique, Abidal, Busquets, Xavi, Iniesta, “Golden Boot” Keita, Pedroad Runner, Henry. The lineup looked like this:

Valdes
A – Puyol – Pique – Abidal
L – Busquets
V – Xavi – Iniesta – Keita
E —————–Pedro
S – Henry

Pep gave Alves the responsibility of being everywhere and nowhere at once, which he did with his usual gusto, filling in as Messi and himself. He had free reign the entire evening, and I am appalled Jose Mourinho didn’t do more to limit the damage he produced on the night. Bombing run after bombing run, then sprinting to the other end instantly to break up attacks. To combat the stagnant nature of play seen in the first leg in the midfield, Pep had Iniesta and Xavi play next to each other, in addition the hard working nature of Keita ensured that in addition to having an extra outlet for Xaviesta to feed the ball to, Keita would close down space in the midfield and win possession back. This false 4-3-3 would allow then any of the three midfielders to advance up the pitch in support of attack. This was used to perfection for the second goal, which we shall soon see.

The opposing side consisted of: Cesar, Samuel, Lucio, Cambiasso, Chivu, Maicon, Stankovic, Motta, Zanetti, Milito, The Lion Samuel Eto’o.

Thank you Samu

Eto’o was received with a hero’s welcome upon coming back to Camp Nou, but once the whistle to begin the match was blown, he was treated like enemy, which he now is. Inter made a mistake playing in white, as we have a habit of beating teams in white like an unruly child in need of discipline. And oh boy did we discipline Inter in the ways of proper football today.

It was instantly apparent from the get go that Inter had made a fatal mistake that was to plague them throughout the duration of this game, they did not man mark Xavi or Iniesta. This immediately became apparent when the fluidity of Barcelona was at its top within minutes.

With the Barcelona engine flowing, Inter were powerless to stop us going forward, and fouls accumulated quickly, with Thiago Motta seeing the yellow card in the 18th minute for an accumulation of fouls by Inter. This constant pressure resulted in a corner in the 10th minute. Our Xavi floats in the corner. . .Henry with a man on him somehow (it was a very good play by Henry) got a flick on. DJ Pique was standing at the back post, being literally hugged by our former man Thiago Motta. While Motta was attempting to celebrate the fact both men had similar hair styles, Pique managed to get a foot out and hit the ball well past Julio Cesar. The exuberance shown from this young man, such pure passion for his club shows the leadership Pique needs to be a future captain of this team, which he will be. From then it was easy street and pickings.

Pedroad Runner was all over the place, showing flair and dancing his way through the Inter defense. He had Maicon’s number on this night, beating him a number of times. His constant youthful movement befuddled Inter’s backline, already pressurized by the rest of our midfielders making incisive runs into the box.

Fouls were traded off and on for the next bit, then in the 26th minute, it was vintage Barça at our very best.

Abidal wins the ball in the attacking half, and sprays the ball out left to Pedroad, he drops it off to the halfway line where Biscuits is waiting, and Pedroad begins his meep-meep! up the flank. Biscuits and Keita exchange a 1-2 whereupon Busquets finds a waiting Xavi on another one touch pass. Xavi, from the center circle, brings the ball forward and dumps it to Keita who one time’s it back to Biscuits again. Biscuits then finds Iniesta, who is sitting in the zone with yards of space to operate in (a death sentence for any defense) dribbles up to find a surging Xavi, the Xaviesta complex at work again, because along all this time is a certain Brazilian who is making the run behind the defense. It was beautiful to watch. The instant Iniesta receives the ball, Alves knows instinctively where to go, and what will happen when he gets there. Xavi releases him with no one on Alves who is suddenly is in so much space he could have opened up a real estate company. He one times a cross across the box, where Pedroad Runner was waiting patiently the entire time, and in a flurry of rotating legs finds himself on the end of a perfect cross which he volleys somewhat awkwardly past Cesar for a 2-0 lead.

You could see Inter was deflated, and we were running full of confidence. For the rest of the half and for the rest of the game, we looked threatening, and were unlucky not to score with a Keita header (45) and a Xavi header (54), AND an Alves FK (68). Although, this isn’t to say we came out in the second half with the same cutting edge and relentless attacking intent we had in the first. The tempo slowed down considerably, and we were happy to pass Inter to death, which is what happened. 66% possession, up from 61% at the half says all you need to know about the second half.

The only two half chances for Inter came on a long range Diego Milito shot which Valdes saved well and another one of those uh-oh! moments from Valdes. A simple back pass from Abidal goes to Valdes, who has a horrific first touch, I mean, this is a Gudjohnsen like touch. With Eto’o? closing down quickly, Valdes slides and clears the ball straight to Stankovic who thankfully skies the chip shot attempt. Valdes, one time that fucker out of there to midfield! What are you doing trying to take a touch with two opposing players within 10 yards of you? Be smarter, man.

Enough kudos cannot be said about Abidal, one of my favorite players on this team. Recovering from H1N1 and starting tonight, he put in a brilliant effort, and never missed a beat coming back from sickness. Effective supporting the attack, and brilliant in defense, he limited Maicon’s influence on the game tremendously. The duo of Pedro and Abidal kept Inter’s secret weapon at bay and on the back heel, isolating Milito and Eto’o up front, the latter of whom had a woeful showing overall.

Henry is not good enough to start on this team at the moment I am afraid. He is the one player who stood out to me as unimpressive this evening. His best moment of the game is when he ran with Eto’oesque fury at the Inter defense, forcing Julio Caesar to put the ball out for a Barça throw in early in the second half, which was justifiably greeted with great cheers. Other than that, he did nothing, save the assist to Pique. Those are probably two of maybe four or five positives things he did the entire evening. He’s not used to playing as a forward in the Barcelona system, and it showed tonight, and with Pedro in such great form (10 goals in all competitions thus far), I wouldn’t mind seeing Henry relegated to the bench as a super sub for the time being.

Busquets did a good job tonight. Following the KIS principle (keep it simple), Busquets became the foul magnet we all know him so well to be, getting players like Motta into yellow card territory early. Easy passes, and not acting like he was Iniesta ensures that slowly but surely, should something horrible ever befall the Yayaminator (like a transfer), Busquets could be our DM of the future. He’s still rough around the edges though, and his full maturity will be realized in a couple seasons.

A small side note, Jonathan dos Santos, although just for a couple minutes, made his first Champions League appearance replacing Iniesta in the 90th minute.

Onwards we go, to the Clasico this weekend. The big kahuna. I will most definitely be cutting my holiday stay at home short to come back to campus to watch our heroes pimp slap an once again overconfident Madrid side. Everyone will be banking on them as their top man Lolando (the kid makes me giggle) makes his return to action after a two month absence with an injured ankle. With their individually talented but gooey collective squad, I look for a similar result this weekend to the one we achieved last year at Camp Nou, albeit we won’t leave it as late this time. With Messi and Ibra, both rested and rearing to go, along with Yayaminator, look for a fully fit squad ready to take the lead back where we rightfully belong, at the top of the table. Visca el Baça.

Can we exchange our shirts after the game?

“Inter Milan will park the bus against Barcelona. It won’t be a surprise tomorrow at the Camp Nou, after they played a passive defensive game at home, in Italy. Mourinho is seeking a draw, and he may get it considering the injury crises and lack of form Barcelona squad showed so far.”

My friend murmured these words as being facts that you only repeat as a sign of confirmation, more than being an opinion that anyone may doubt. But isn’t that “the word on the street” these days?

Unfortunately, I do not share this opinion. I think it’s a mix between the inaccurate specification of the so called “Parked bus” added to the fact that we need to analyze the group situation to figure out how far gaining one point in Catalonia will get Inter closer to qualify.

That’s why, it’s important to re-read the first game, played in Milan, before predicting how Inter will play this week. And here, allow me as I usually do, to ramble a bit around the point (The match preview), in a quest to clarify my points.

Inter didn’t park the bus in Milan. There I said it. Parking the Bus happens when a team plays a passive defensive game with no interest to score but only to avoid  conceding. The most radical version is the bus that will not avoid conceding but hope to avoid conceding lot of goals. Now of course even in Bus parking, the team may end up scoring from a counter, but I call it “Scoring without intention”, as it’s not the primary objective. Were Inter parking the Bus with no interest to go forward? Or is it only a matter of interpreting football concepts based on subjective believes? In fact, the same argument can prove that Barcelona were actually more defensive than Inter in that game. I will get into that, no worries. But let me start by saying that comparing our game in Milan to that game against Chelsea at the camp Nou is as close as saying oranges are tennis balls, just because both are round.

Trying to reinvent the wheel, I need to note that football tactical structure consists of three phases: Defense, Build Up and Offense. While defense is the stage where you –obviously- work to avoid getting conceded, and offense is the process where you generate scoring opportunities, the buildup stage is still a bit vague.

The buildup phase is the catalyst that enhances the defense solidity and act as an engine for the offense firework. Defense wise, both teams succeeded to finish the game without getting conceded. Offense wise, the two teams created almost the same level of threat, but failed to score.

Barcelona through possession oriented build up succeeded to keep the ball for the longest period possible, and that’s how they prevented Inter from scoring goals. An approach that’s still underrated by many football fans around the globe while claiming that Barcelona defense is weak. When Barcelona increases their ball possession, that’s defense, and it’s not bad at all.

Inter build up serves the defense by implementing a fast transition to their own half when they lose the ball, closing all the wholes Barcelona players can use to penetrate.

Offense wise, and being a play making team, Barcelona possession oriented build up is based on continuous movement to create spaces in the opponent half to penetrate and score. It’s a sexy approach that’s only applied by a bunch of clubs mainly in Netherland beside some daring clubs here and there in Portugal and Spain.

In the other hand, Inter like the majority of football teams is a counter attacking team. When they do the transition to their own half, they don’t only serve a defensive purpose, but also an offense need by inviting the opponent to their own half and creating a space behind, for their counter attacks to be more lethal. No doubt against Barcelona, Inter were putting lot of players behind the ball. They were playing against Barcelona after all. But the question is whether the ball was squeezing the players behind it in their own box, or the players behind the ball were driving it to Barcelona box.

Inter offense approach in that game was as underrated as the excellent defensive game Barcelona played against Kazan in Russia. There, Pep led an underperforming exhausted team to hunt a very important point in a freezing difficult game, only by selecting the right players who can defend through possession. If you watch Inter against Kazan and Barcelona against Kazan (both in Russia), you will notice that Barcelona showed more defensive quality decreasing Kazan offense threat than Inter did. Not by stacking defenders, but throughout the method of play A.K.A Possession.

So what’s the deal behind this entire ramble? Am I suggesting that Inter will play offense in Catalonia? I will never make an effort to predict what’s in a coach’s mind. But I will be surprised if Inter plays solely for a point. Because most of the group scenarios show that losing or drawing against Barcelona will have the same impact on Inter obligations in their game against Kazan. And because Mourinho Experience against Barcelona tells him that you can’t come to the Camp Nou seeking a point. The situation may get Chelsea-tized and you get a draw, but most often it doesn’t happen.

The reason I bother thinking about how Inter will play, is the memories of Barcelona second leg game against Bayern last season (test how strong your memory is). The team went there with the players’ minds set on breaking the Bavarian bus. To our surprise, they parked neither a bus nor a vespa. They started the game attacking us like pissed off psychos which caught us by surprise. We were running around with no sense and it took us half an hour to realize what was happening.

Against Inter, We must NOT let that happen! Before the continuous discussions about how to organize our offense to break buses and crush cups, we need to set a strategy to contain Inter offense. They know that even to earn a draw, they need to score a goal, especially after the goalless draw in Milan. If we succeeded in containing their offense dynamics, then no worries, we will score once, twice, live your lovely fantasies dreaming of more. If they scored first and dictated their tempo, then … Let’s change the subject…

Inter

Obviously, the team and the fans are starting to recover from The Eve of Eva syndrome. In the league, the team is creating a one team show. The collective work is developing in a decent manner and the moral is high (Putting aside Ballotelli moral of course, the boy is a pissed off freak, I do not know what we –the rest of the world- did wrong!). They come into this game full of hopes. They are in a good form while Barcelona isn’t. Yet, Serie A proved being misleading sometimes.

Mourinho tactical kit

Selection:

Julio Cesar
Maicon, Lucio, Samuel, Chivu.
Stankovic, Motta, Cambiasso, Muntari
Samuel Eto’o, Diego Milito.

It’s also possible that Mourinho may decide to play Javier Zanetti in Stankovic position to check the flank defensively. This will give more possibilities for Maicon to contribute offense wise. If so, Stankovic may either 1) act as a fifth midfielder behind Eto’o , moving Milito to the bench for the first half. This option may prove vital also if Messi played. It means Muntari has to work defensively with Chivu to shut off Barcelona right flank operated by Messi and Alves. In this case, Stankovic will be needed to contribute in the center to close wholes. Or 2) Play instead of Motta incase Sneijder is fit to start this game as an attacking midfielder.

Defense set up:

Eto’o and Milito dance between Barcelona defenders and the holding midfielder trying to damage the offense build up. Muntari and Motta may put early pressure on Alves and Xavi respectively to prevent them from getting involved in the play making process while the rest of Inter players apply a zone defense. In fact, Muntari performance in the first game was one of the reasons why Mourinho game plan didn’t work as he expected.

Offense set up:

The keys of Inter counter attacks are Maicon contribution from the right flank, Muntari from the left, Stankovic movement into the center and the strikers’ horizontal and vertical moves creating links and spaces. There is a possibility that Chivu contribution in this game will end up being pure defensive. He may act as a third center back beside Lucio and Samuel when his team moves forward. That will give more security for Maicon to do his runs, and more stability for the defense department.

Barcelona

What makes me a bit relaxed is Pep performance in the first game. I can say that, beside the game against Kazan in Russia, that match against Inter was one of Pep’s best. He was completely aware of Inter threat and he worked to contain it. Keita for example, was the unsung hero for Barcelona in that game. Pep selected him over Iniesta for that game- even though Iniesta was in a good form then- to make sure he leaves no spaces in the midfield for Inter counters. He did his job to a great extend.

Guardiolla tactical kit

Selection:

With all the injury crises in the team, I am not sure who will actually be fit enough for this game. Some last minute decisions will be made. But I will hail this selection:

Valdes
Alves, Puyol, Pique, Maxwell
Xavi, Yaya, Keita
Iniesta, Ibra, Henry

(If Yaya can’t start, Busquets will be there. You can blow a panic scream if that makes you feel better).

Yes, you read it right. I hope we don’t start Messi. First because his history tells he needs time to recover from injuries. We do not need to risk. And secondly because I see more advantages in starting Iniesta –as I will point out below- and saving Messi for the second half if needed. When the opponent energy declines they will allow more space for the Argentinean. But here is the news: If he can walk, unfortunately he will start… Anyways …

Offense wise:

The two main changes –due to injuries- are Abidal and Messi. We can talk a lot about how bad it is to miss the two players. Let’s instead try to see the good things about it:

Maxwell: Maxwell may offer us two advantages over Abidal in this game: 1) he is better contributing in the play making process. This may prove vital if Inter succeeded to put pressure as an attempt to damage the offense flow. Maxwell is one of the players who can contribute moving the ball forward. 2) Defensively, Maxwell as an offense oriented full back will be able to check Maicon the moment we lose the ball in the opponent half, rather than waiting him in our half. Yet, we need to treat the defense fragility in our own half in return, where Abidal usually contributes beside the two Center Backs.

Messi: I believe with Alves and Maxwell opening the field on the flanks, Henry will be lethal in the box beside Ibra. Iniesta in return will act more as a fourth midfielder to make sure the offense flow keep on running smoothly even if Inter man marked Xavi tightly. With 1) Iniesta and Xavi in the center and 2)Maxwell plus Alves on the flanks backed by 3) Keita and Yaya (occasionally), the midfield is in safe hands to orchestrate offense and contain possession and close the spaces Inter will be looking for to generate counters from. Ibra and Henry movement in and around the box will guarantee more directness in our game so we avoid playing passive fruitless possession.

Defense set up:

1) Defense to offense: With both Maxwell and Alves moving forward, Yaya must act as a third Center back with Puyol and Pique. Keita end up being our holding midfielder behind Xavi and Iniesta. One of the most bothering facts about Inter offense- and Eto’o in specific- is the ability to slide into the midfield to create the link with the midfielders. If it Happens, that will leave Milito alone as a forward, allowing Yaya to follow Eto’o into the midfield either to mark him or to hand him to Keita while he –Yaya- in return regain his position as a holding midfielder.

2) Offense to defense: The moment we lose the ball, it’s important to contain Inter Counter attacks by checking the key players who perform it. Henry and Ibra need to put loads of pressure on Inter defense. If we can force Inter to move the ball to Samuel, then we can say that we already terminated 25 % of the counter threat. He is not on the same level as Lucio, Chivu or Maicon moving the ball forward in a systematic manner. Lucio runs forward must be checked by Henry. Maxwell needs to –initially- check Maicon to delay his offense contribution. That will close a very important outlet for Inter.

Iniesta and Xavi must put the pressure on Cambiasso and Motta while Keita plays as a midfield libero vacuum cleaning spaces, creating defensive depth and checking Stankovic when he approach the edge of our box. Read this banner:”Watch out long shots”! Puyol, Pique and Yaya need to contain the two strikers as mentioned above.

We must not be over obsessed by Eto’o determination to score. Or else he will drag us around creating spaces for his teammates. It’s a must to stick to our systematic plan.

Finally, while we are setting offense, exchanging passes, frustrating Inter players, guarding possession and dominating the game in a way that makes Inter players look like armatures, I will only have one little advice for our dear players.

No doubt, the team is not in its most relaxing days. We were suffering from injuries since the beginning of the season. But it was all containable. Recently the injuries crises increased dramatically. A team like Barcelona, where you can’t really have clear cuts between the lines (offense-midfield-defense), is usually more fragile toward injuries than a more direct team. Barcelona players perform a collective job in all departments which requires quality in every position and understanding on every level. Injuries create a domino impact on the general performance. All what we can do now is to hope we get out of this tunnel. If we did, I can see a good U-turn after Xmass. During the current harsh period, the team succeeded to stay in a gung ho status in all competitions. So you can imagine how the comeback will be.

But no worries, after playing Athletic Bilbao, Sat 21 Nov, we can feel more relaxed now. As we only have the following games to play before the X-mass break:

Tue 24 Nov FC Barcelona – Inter M.
Sun 29 Nov FC Barcelona – Real Madrid
Wed 02 Dec Xerez C.D. – FC Barcelona
Sun 06 Dec Deportivo – FC Barcelona
Wed 09 Dec Dynamo K. – FC Barcelona
Sun 13 Dec FC Barcelona – RCD Espanyol
Thu 16 Dec: FIFA Club world Cup UEFA 2009-Semi Final
Sat 19 Dec: FIFA Club world Cup UEFA 2009- Final (If qualified).
Mon 21 Dec Kazma Sporting Club – FC Barcelona (There is a rumor that there are contract obligations to play the key players).
Tuesday, Dec 22: Catalonia Vs Argentina (Six Barcelona starters are selected so far: Five for Catalonia and one for Argentina), Cruyff had already made an interesting comment about it:

The fact is that Barça are due to play a friendly in Kuwait on 21st December, the day before Catalonia may also have a match. According to Cruyff: “It’s one of those complications. The players are professionals and are proud to play with the national team”.

I dipped the words of wisdom in gold /Sarcasm. Thirty two days, eleven games. A game every 2days and 22 hours. If we use the tricky –.99 price tag. It all starts now!

Finally (for real this time!), I hope Eto’o gets a standing obviation. For all what he achieved with this club, we must only remember the good things he delivered, which is obviously much more than the bad little things that pop up here and there. He is a legend for this club, and he must be treated per se.

Thank You, Samuel Eto'o

They’d just witness their team perform adequately enough to sneak out with a rough 3 points a kin to last season’s tour of San Mames. But that was last season and this is now and they’d be returning to Barcelona with a singular point – never mind relinquishing pole position to Real Madrid.

Guardiola, forever one to remain humble, would always remind everyone that things would not be as smooth as the historic treble winning season. While, most nodded in agreement to Pep’s words, they did so whilst still riding the wave of success and euphoria. They’d sort of agree with an impatient, ‘yeah yeah, we know. Till then, get on with the trophies and celebrations, mate’.

True enough. After all, Josep and his boys had proven that you can have your fat cake and eat it too. All three pieces of it.

But like Rijkaard found out, and as i’m sure Josep is all too aware, doing it all over again in a bigger and better fashion is a difficult task. It’s easier to turn water into wine, which coincidentally may or may not be a sufficient lubricant to keep those cogs inside Josep’s skull churning. And it’s no secret that they’re always churning.

As Saturday night turned into Sunday morning, Josep was no doubt sifting through thoughts deeper than the broad overviews that he had given in the post match conference. There he sat, lights and cameras pointed at him. His eyebrows attentively arched, noting his team’s lack of tension and pace after Dani Alves rolled in the opening goal from a sublime telepathic pass from Xavi.

Josep knew all too well that Athletic would insist more during the second half; Lamenting the sub par defending against the long ball lob that seemed entirely too simple to even create any immediate panic.

Yet, it seems a peculiar notion. The team scores from the most intelligent and complex methods known in football, but they count the same as the most fundamental of plays that they appear to concede from. Chygrynskiy lost out to Llorente, who created a well fashioned diagonal flick for compatriot Toquero to gauge the physics of the bouncing ball before knocking it far side past Valdes.

Perhaps it could’ve all been avoided in the first half. No doubt, 20 minutes in, things were looking well. Spaces were available in pockets between red and white striped men and a few chances could’ve and, dare it be said, should’ve been converted.

Messi once again showing an odd flashback to his days when he first was breaking into the squad as he was found wanting on a near one-on-one chance with Iraizoz. ‘Golden Boot’ Keita, threatened Athletic with his usual aerial prowess that saw the ball bobble achingly close past the post, and Xavi failed to use his foot rather than the side of his calf to settle in a glorious chance devised by Messi.

You see, by the last echo of the first half whistle it could’ve been game, set and almost match. Easy pickin’s for all the Spanish journalists. Job done in 45 minutes, just in time to anticipate Messi’s injury and type furiously on medical speculation and Inter / Real Madrid implications.

And to be honest, the fallout from the match appears to be more important than the match ever was.

By all accounts, Messi had a stressful stay in Purgatory – the time between ‘ouch, that hurts’ and the doctor finally telling you exactly how bad the ouch is. Marquez was cleared from H1N1 speculation and a few sighs of relief could be heard when news fluttered that Ibrahimovic may appear as soon as the Inter match- barring any complications.

Though no particular report could be found on the why Josep waited as long as he did to produce a substitution, at a time when his team lacked clarity and pace. Barcelona have drawn four times this season in La Liga and the Champions’ League. In all four, Josep had refrained from producing a substitution until the 76th minute – aside from the Osasuna draw where Marquez replaced Chygrynskiy in the 61st.

All very important stuff, especially given Josep’s insistence on looking forward and putting the weekend behind them. Circumstances, as he says, has put them in a bit of a tighter spot than usual. Circumstance, as he says, is why they’re one point behind Madrid – then again, Guardiola apparently cares not one iota about that until after the crucial Inter match.

Which all means, that the squeaks and metal-on-metal wails from Josep’s head is not about this past Athletic match. Fair enough, as aforementioned it wasn’t exactly a completely different performance that had previously seen Josep scuttle away with three points instead of one point in last season’s visit to San Mames. And with Barcelona about to dive into the deep end, there’s little point in wasting further words on what has passed.

You see, they don’t just hand out stadium nicknames like bits of corn candy on Halloween – well, unless you’re Guti, whose nicknames aren’t suitable for this PG-13 rated blog anyway. Particularly when the nickname happens to be ‘The Cathedral’. And that’s exactly the nickname for that bit of grass that Athletic Bilbao play on.

It’s a venerable pressure cooker, just not the kind you’d see Gordon Ramsey or Wolfgang Puck using. Add in 22 players, a bit of football, and several thousand sprinkles of fans and you’ve got yourself a tidy way to spend a couple of hours on a Saturday night.

The Guggenheim Museum in Bilbao. Technically a more fitting sporting venue for Saturday’s match.

But over the past several years, Barcelona has acclimatized to the Basque pressure cooker…

Since 1999, Barcelona has notched 7 league wins out of 11 matches at the San Mamés. A pretty dashing record, most would reckon.

However, that pressure will get you in trouble if you’re head’s not on straight. Athletic always promise a lot of attitude and sweat for three points during nights in the San Mamés but it appears Barcelona have devised a reasonable formula to extract points and it largely involves doing the same old ; Establishing their brand of football and being unfazed by the hustle and bustle of the red and white striped men.

Like other stadiums that double as pressurized cooking equipment (see: Sanchez Pizjuan, Calderon, Reyno de Navarra, and The Bernabeu), the key is to not flinch at the surrounding atmosphere and speedy impetus of the opposition because they’ll never forgive you if you do.

But this clearly isn’t a problem because Barcelona are in like Flint when it comes to success in San Mamés. So good that it’s all rather academic.

Sport.es recently posed a query on whether or not Barcelona fans and masochistic Madrid fans who visited the sport journal site trusted Maxwell in the absence of the Abidal – a man who has the perfect physical physique to dismantle many counterattacks but apparently not perfect enough to avoid injury.

A whopping 89% have given the thumbs up to Maxwell for the next three weeks.

After a bit of research, it was identified that the 11% who did not approve of Maxwell were all part of the Abidal family. All of them except for a certain Josep Guardiola.

So far, Maxwell has made 4 appearances as part of the starting eleven in La Liga. Granted, the Barcelona chapter for Maxwell’s career is quite early (or quite late, you truly can never tell) but you do wonder if his offensive fluidity could be put to a bit more use. Especially since Abidal’s offensive toolkit consists of breaking the 40 meter dash time as he sprints to the endline. An extremely devastating weapon if only he’d do it with the ball.

Unimpressed with Maxwell, Josep coerces left back extraordinaire Dalai Lama to come out of retirement for the remainder of the season.

And with key fixtures against Inter and Real Madrid upcoming, one wonders if Maxwell will tactically fit into the tinkering of Josep, who may prefer Puyol as Abidal’s deputy.

But I may be guilty of thinking ahead because during the entire thought process that went into creating this article, all 4 minutes and 33 seconds of it, I could not think of a convincing enough reason for Maxwell to not get the nod for the match at San Mamés, which included ruling out the possibility of successfully genetically cloning a left sided Dani Alves.

Aside from the underused Maxwell, there’s been a minor injury crisis in the locker room, no doubt the work of multi-thousand Irish fans who’ve all recently converted to Voodoo – and it certainly wasn’t to wish a certain someone good luck either.

Ibrahimovic maintains a strain in his left thigh, ruling him out for the weekend and casting a few clouds of doubt on his availability for the critical matches next week. Abidal has become the unfortunate carrier of the H1N1 virus, which may have also maligned Toure, who is suffering from symptoms and a complete diagnosis is expected before the match. This sees Jonathan Dos Santos sneak into the traveling troupe.

Additionally, question marks remain on whether the notorious Henry has the fitness to go three full matches with such regularity.

What seemed like a nice buffet of options to choose from several days ago has turned into a selection that’s noticeably smaller in size, weight, age, but not hair (Thanks, Puyol and Chygrynskiy).

All bets are off on the availability of 16 year old Iker Muniain for Athletic because you should all be rooting for him to recover his fitness and scribble his own name onto the first eleven, which likely won’t be happening. A peculiar player to look out for as time goes on. Iker currently joins Toquero, Llorente and Mikaelsson as the four players who are fitness pending for the match on Saturday night, but Toquero and Llorente may still get the nod from Caparros.

Now, given the handsome recent decade record of results for Barcelona at the Cathedral, most will be reserving their fingernails for the visits of Inter and Real Madrid. Except for Maxwell who may run out of fingernail real estate to nervously bite on by the time Josep names his starting eleven for Saturday night.

Predictions to lose money by:

• The Score: Athletic Bilbao 0 – 2 FC Barcelona
• The Scorers: Messi, ‘Golden Boot’ Keita
• Wildcard Bonus: Thierry Henry with two handball assists
• The XI: Valdes, Maxwell, Pique, Puyol, Dani Alves, Busquets, Keita, Xavi, Bojan, Pedro and Messi

And what did this day of friendlies and World Cup playoffs leave us? Well, an image I wouldn’t have believed possible, for a start.

“Yes, it was a handball,” said Thierry Henry of this. No kidding, Tití. No. Kidding.

Thierry Henry (and Eric Abidal, who is nursing his thigh injury in Barcelona) got their golden World Cup Ticket thanks to a highly-questionable move by our French striker, who handled the ball (twice, if you at the video closely) to set a goal that Arsenal’s William Gallas slipped past the Irish goalkeeper. My theory is that he had his eyes closed and that the ultra-tight new French kits had cut off blood flow and feeling in his upper limbs, so he really didn’t realise that he was playing volleyball for a moment. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

“I will be honest, it was a handball. But I’m not the referee,” said Thierry after the match, shrugging in infinitely French fashion. “It’s a f***ing disgrace,” said… oh, no, wait, wrong one. “The hand was so obvious, we’re disgusted. FIFA absolutely did not want Ireland at World Cup,” fumed Robbie Keane in response. The Irish have a good reason to complain, but… c’est la vie (see what I did there?).

On other, less red-card-worthy news… oh, no, forget it. We’re still thinking of red cards, particularly of the one that Pehlivan got yesterday during the first half of the friendly game between Austria and Spain (in the same stadium that saw La Roja win their European Cup last year) for a foul on our dear Sergi Busquets. Our midfielder gave as good as he got, however, but after he was subbed off in the second half he was seen with a pack of ice firmly held to his knee. I’d be grateful if you could stand up now and perform the solemn Please, Dear Gods of Football, No Friendly Injuries dance. Thank you.

I think I’m getting used to the sight of Barça players writhing in pain on the ground.

Now, if you’ve caught your breath from your vigorous dancing, let me tell you that Vicente del Bosque was kind enough not to play Piqué or Puyol, but Buquets, Xavi and Iniesta were in the starting XI. Don Andrés set the second goal for Villa to slip past the Austrian goalkeeper, Xavi lorded over the midfield, and Busi… well, Busi was not bad, fouling and backpassing to his heart’s content; to be honest, I’m happy that Del Bosque is playing him so much, because I think that way he can get more experience and make mistakes that hopefully he will not then repeat when dressed in blaugrana. Spain went on to win 1-5, with Busi being subbed off in the second half for Athletic’s Iraola, Xavi for Valencia’s Pablo H. and Iniesta for Sevilla’s Navas.

Oh, and before I forget, Chygrinskiy and Ukraine did not get into the World Cup, being knocked out on a match that a gritty Greece won in Donetsk, a match that our Jesus Christ Superstar lookalike didn’t play.

This makes it eleven Barça players that will be playing in South Africa next summer: Xavi, Iniesta, Puyol, Piqué and Busquets for Spain, Leo Messi for Argentina, Dani Alves for Brasil, Yaya Touré for Côte D’Ivoire, Thierry Henry and Eric Abidal for France, and Rafa Márquez for México. And, even though the list of countries is not going to change, we could sneak a further player in this list, if Vicente del Bosque listens to the screams of “Pinto Selección” that can be heard in some matches at the Camp Nou. No, I’m not joking… not about the screams, I’m not, but it’s our underrated (or overrated, depending on which side of the fence you’re sitting on) Víctor Valdés who is rumoured to have chances at *finally* being called for La Roja after Diego López’s latest disappointing performances. We’ll see.

Ah, isn’t this a sight for sore eyes?

And, on even happier news, we have the joyous return of Gabi Milito to the field! The Argentinean defender played a full 45 minutes of the friendly that Barça played against Bolívar (a Bolivian team) yesterday, and that a hodgepodge of first-team players and boys from the Juvenil B won 4-1. “It’s been a very special day,” said Gabi, who was watched from the stands by Txiki. “I’m making progress though I’m still in the recovery phase. I’m still not ready for a competitive match. How long? I don’t know yet but it won’t be long”. After 19 months laid up, Gabi, I think we can wait another few weeks to make sure you’re alright.

And with this, international break is over and is business as usual for Barça, who will start training today in the afternoon for our match against Athletic de Bilbao this weekend.

But wait, what is that I hear? Oh no! According to Mundo Deportivo, Zlatan Ibrahimovic’s ischiotibials seem to have given out and, pending on further medical tests, he seems to be in doubt not only for Saturday’s match, but perhaps also for our clashes agains Inter and Real Madrid. If you need me, I’ll be here in my corner, crying and holding onto my Leo Messi plushie.

Yaya Touré, the man who Inter, ManCity and Arsenal all seem to want (or so the rumours say), played the whole match in Cote D’Ivoire’s somewhat meaningless 3-0 victory against Guinea, seeing that they are already qualified for the World Cup.

Henry and Abidal were also on their starting XI as France scraped a 0-1 victory over Ireland, to start with the right foot their playoffs to make it into the World Cup. (ETA: I’ve just read Eric Abidal has left the French team claiming injury and won’t play on Wednesday… fingers crossed that it’s not serious!)

Alves came in the 63rd minute in Brazil’s friendly 1-0 victory against England; kudos to Dunga, who tried to play Dani and Maicon at the same time, and to our Man of Steel, who even had time to try one of his infamous shots from afar which, unsurprisingly, didn’t render him a goal.

And now for the real deal: the Spain-Argentina friendly, which gathered six, yes, *six* barcelonistas on the pitch.

I wouldn’t exactly call this “friendly”...

Puyol, Piqué, Xavi, Busquets and Iniesta were all on Vicente Del Bosque’s starting XI, while Leo Messi looked a bit lost and in need of companionship in the albiceleste.

Before five minutes had passed, Sergio Ramos had greeted former madridista teammate Gaby Heinze with a kick to the head, and it all went downhill from there. It was a really rough, intense match. We were on the edge of our seats as Villa and Heinze discussed handbags during the first half, as Coloccini belied his cherubic blond ringlets with frightening tackles, and DeMichelis bared his teeth and the studs of his boots. There were yellow cards, two PKs and, if the whole thing hadn’t been so ‘friendly’, I’m sure the referee would have sent Heinze or DeMichelis to have an early shower.

Puyol was his usual fantastic self during the first half, dealing with Messi and Higuaín as if they were wayward children that ought to be stopped from interrupting Uncle Iker from finishing his sudoku, but during half-time he walked to the bench and wrapped a huge icepack around his left knee, leaving all culés to whimper in desperation and Albiol to concede a PK to Argentina during the second half.

And so Leo Messi scored one past Íker Casillas, in what I hope is a rehearsal for the match of the 29th. OK, so it was only a PK, but it was a very nice PK, I’ll have you know.

Now, this is much friendlier... I think Leo is asking Xavi and Puyi to adopt him!

Iniesta was fantastic throughout the night, even as Heinze, Coloccini and the rest of the Argentineans did their best (and, by their best, I mean of course moves that ought to be kept for the wrestling ring) to stop him, until he was subbed off near the end of the match. Xavi was calm, collected and the owner of the midfield, and he even played captain after Casillas was taken off in the midst of an ovation to celebrate his 100th international cap. Piqué, although less adventurous than he usually is during matches with Spain, did everything and more to stop the Argentinean strikers. Busquets was… well, “friendly” towards Leo Messi during the first half (he got a well-deserved yellow) and then towards Tévez near the end of the match, but he played well and allowed former-Red Xabi Alonso to move forwards to score the first.

Messi tried his best (he gave a pass to Higuaín that was a thing of beauty, shame the madridista was offside), but the ball barely got to him. When I saw him in his own half, doing a throw-in, I realised how hopeless his situation was. Still, he scored a goal and looked rather relieved when he was subbed off late in the second half (the Spanish public even gave him a round of applause, generous souls that they are).

There’s still matches to be played next week (Spain will play a friendly against Austria, Brazil faces Oman, and France and Ukraine still have the return legs of their playoffs), so let us hope that all our boys return to Barcelona on Thursday in good health and good spirits, to prepare a match that promises to be anything but easy: we face Athletic de Bilbao next Saturday!

Yesterday’s was one of those pretty, gleeful matches that culés (and football aficionados everywhere) can only sit back and enjoy while they happen, and then go to hunt for the highlights and watch again and again. And it wasn’t because Cultural Leonesa wasn’t trying, far from it.

The match started in a sombre note, as the boys jumped on the pitch wearing black bracelets to keep a minute of silence for the death of Robert Enke, who played for us in the 02/03 season and who will be sorely missed.

Rest in peace, Robert Enke.

Pep, making use of his usually unfathomable methods, rolled out a team that seemed far stronger than the situation warranted, with a back four that wouldn’t be out of place in a tough Liga fixture: Pinto, Alves, Puyol, Márquez, Maxwell, Busquets, Iniesta, Dos Santos, Pedrito, Bojan and Jeffren.

The presence of Alves, Puyol, Busquets and Iniesta, all of whom are travelling today to join their respective national teams, seemed to give a clear message of “we are going to take this match seriously”, and it seemed to be a message that Cultural took to heart, as their starting eleven (Calzado, Cerveró, Roberto Carlos, Salva, Segovia, Pereira, Yahvé, Chema Mato, Jito, Denis and Ferrán) went out to play with dignity and good sense.

Whatever this image seems to indicate, the Cultural players weren’t on a sightseeing expedition; especially not Diego Calzado (seated, right) who had a lot of work to do.

For the first fifteen minutes, Barça had a staggering 81% possession, but it mostly seemed centred in endless passing between the midfielders and the defence, with Jeffren occasionally trying a run or two and Alves being indefatigable and inventive on the right, especially when combining with Pedrito. Jonathan “Johnny” Dos Santos (apologies to the naming purists, but I think Gio shouldn’t be the only one on the family with a catchy nickname) also had a couple of chances, playing well with Iniesta and almost wearing a big neon sign reading, “Watch me play, Pep!”.

Cultural, however, were not ready to give up. Even if none of their players really believed in an epic remontada, they were definitely interested in giving a good show to those of their people who had travelled from León to watch them play in the Camp Nou. Puyol had the chance to show off a couple of times (once just missing a shot on goal that could have been the first), and Pinto was steady on his feet when Jito, Ferrán or Slva got close to him (mostly after slipping past Maxwell).

Barcelona, after performing endless, virtuoso rondos round the midfield, seemed to decide that further was better, and Dani, Iniesta and Bojan tried shots from afar, to avoid the hassle of the competent Cultural defence; rosy-cheeked Diego Calzado, though, had a good day and his reflexes were pumped to the max, denying Bojan, Jeffren and Pedrito some chances before the half-time.

The impression the team gave during those first forty-five minutes was good (overall possession somewhere in the 70%, shots at goal, solid defence), but not outstanding. Bojan seemed a little listless and Pedrito lost himself amidst Cultural defenders on occasion, with Jeffren looking the liveliest of the three.

This all changed, however, in the second half. Pep must be a damn fine motivational-speaker, because Bojan came back onto the pitch on fire, showing it with a fine bit of finishing after a cross from Jeffren (stemmed from a pretty, pretty cross by pretty, pretty Maxwell) to score the first goal after only eight minutes into the second half. Jeffren had a chance a couple of minutes later, but it was again Bojan, with a delicious shot in an almost impossible angle, who scored the second and celebrated it with almost as much passion as Thierry Henry had celebrated his goal against Mallorca this weekend.

There you go, kitten! Happy now? Feeling vindicated?

The match was pretty much sentenced by this point, and both Barça and Cultural seemed to come to a happy agreement to just give the best possible show to the few fans that had braved the cold to be there. Pep collaborated with this, bringing in Fontàs for Jeffren (“Huh?”, we asked. “A fullback for a striker? Another one of your little experiments, Pep?”) and Messi for Puyol a minute later. Why he couldn’t sub Fontàs in for Puyol and Messi for Jeffren, like any sensible person would have done, I attribute to his superior ability to turn anything into a mindgame (or maybe because Jeffren’s leg was a bit iffy and Fontàs had been warming up longer than Messi).

Then Cultural subbed out Yahvé and Jito (their only goalscorer) for Suárez and Richar, and Pedrito celebrated by scoring off a very nice Messi&Iniesta move that let the goal perfectly set out for our Canarian striker to continue his amazing run of goals. And Messi wouldn’t be Messi if he tried to do better than anyone else on the pitch, this time with a gorgeous shot that curled into the upper corner of Calzado’s goal after the poor man, obviously a bit unnerved by having so many people running at him, gave a poor clearance.

Iniesta had been paying magnificently all night, and Pep rewarded him by taking him off at the 67th minute for Xavi. I had hoped to see another young’un make his debut, but our second captain celebrated his presence on the pitch after barely seven minutes with a wonderful header that became the fifth goal of the night.

By this time, the whole thing was a party. Calzado laughed like a little kid when he made yet another good save (and another, and another), the Cultural strikers had become more like midfield spectators, and there were jeers in the stands towards our nemesis, Real Madrid, who really could have used those fives goals in their own match.

Dani Alves, just to confirm that he is back to his Man-of-Steel ways, had the last chance of the match with a run, wiggle and shot that hit the post at the 89th minute, and the referee promptly stopped the game the very second the 90 minutes were over, undoubtedly thinking that enough was enough.

Five goals are enough, Dani. You can stop trying now. Feel sorry for the man in the pink shirt.

Cue much exchanging of jerseys and happy smiles. The Cultural Leonesa had played a good match, Barça had won and everyone was happy (except the folks of Real Madrid).

I’m not going to grade the team this time. I’d probably go overboard with the grades, accompanying them by notes such as “brilliant”, “fantastic” and “magnificent”. Let’s just celebrate Man of the Match Bojan for scoring twice and recovering his zest, Iniesta for playing in Xavi’s position in a way that Xavi would be proud of, Maxwell for finding his form during the second half, Dos Santos for a match that was as good as any of Busquet’s (I think we are going to see more of him when Keita and Yaya go to the Africa Cup), and the Cultural goalkeeper, Diego Calzado, for a damn fine match.

And let’s hope that the international break is kind to us and lets us keep this spark for our next Liga match, the 21st, against Athletic de Bilbao, because with their recent results, the Leones are going to be damn hungry.

Here, have some highlights to tide you over international break and put a smile on your face:

And that someone will be Pedrito, probably, because he wants to show us that he can score in every single match Pep lets him play. And Pinto and his Magical Braided Ponytail (TM), because otherwise he might as well turn fulltime musician. And… and…

International break is a nightmare, people.

Henry and Abidal have already left for Ireland, to make a stand with the French NT in the playoffs, Chygrynskiy has flown home to do the same with Ukraine against Greece, and Touré has left to play with Cote D’Ivoire, even though they’ve already have their World Cup Golden Ticket.

There’s something missing from this picture. Something like... well, players.

And that’s just the official matches. Because yes, then we have the friendlies on the weekend, and even though the players will still be in Barcelona tomorrow, seeing that most of them will be playing on Saturday, I don’t expect Pep to push them all onto the pitch (or perhaps he will; after the last match, I don’t think I can ever guess what he’s thinking).

Five Barça players have been called up for the Spanish NT to play meaningless, injury-prone games, also known as friendlies: Xavi, Iniesta, Busquets, Puyol and Piqué. One has been called for the Argentinean NT (and their match against Spain on Saturday is going to be a joy to see): Messi. Alves is going with Brazil to play against England and Oman in the Middle East. Even puppy-like Gai Assulin has been called up by the U-19 Israeli NT!

And just in case this wasn’t enough, on the injury list, we have Keita, who will be out for ten days and will thus save himself a trip with Ghana, and our dear Zlatan Ibrahimovic, who hurt himself playing against Mallorca and will not be available to play with the Swedish NT, even if he wanted to, which he is not so sure about.

So, who’s left?

Well… Pep is already calling in the reinforcements from the Barça Atlètic team; Johnny Dos Santos, Fontàs and Oriol Romeu (nice name, but I have no idea who he is, to be honest… wait, the Barça site informs me he’s a defensive midfielder, which is nice) trained today with the big boys, and there are more youngsters available, if need be.

Bojan is, I assume, ready and willing to take part in what was traditionally (meaning, “as of last year”) “his” competition and try to steal back the spotlight that Pedrito has been basking in lately. Maxwell and Márquez are staying home too. Jeffren can play rightback… oh, wait, no, he can’t.

Bojan’s attempts to convince us he’s tough enough to play might work better if he didn’t look like a kitten starved for attention...

And I wouldn’t mind seeing Guardiola in shorts and a blaugrana shirt again, to be honest. What’s that you say? The rules say no? Damn…

So, Pep’s list is: Valdés, Pinto, Puyol, Piqué, Márquez, Fontas, Alves, Maxwell, Romeu, Dos Santos, Busquets, Iniesta, Xavi, Pedrito, Messi, Bojan and Jeffren.

And my proposed line-up reads like:

————————-Pinto————————–
–Alves—-Márquez—Fontás—Maxwell—-
—-Busquets— Dos Santos—- Iniesta—-
———-Pedrito——Bojan—–Jeffren——–

With Romeu making his debut in the second-half if things are going well.

Pep, in the meantime, has been saying that we must “play with maximum seriousness” (he doesn’t want no smiley people out the pitch, y’all!), and, as optimistic as usual, has warned us that “anything can happen” and that the first round of the Copa del Rey is “always very dangerous”.

Perhaps he should tell this to Cultural Leonesa’s goalkeeper, Diego Calzado, the man with the unenviable duty of keeping Pedrito from scoring, who has said (in news that Google Translator has turned into a hilarious piece of surrealism), that they will play Barcelona “with respect, but without fear” and that he thinks that the final score will be 2-1. That’s right, Cultural’s own goalie think they will lose; I know they’re not Alcorcón, but couldn’t he at least aim for a draw?

Me, I think we’ll win. 3-0, perhaps (Pedrito, of course, will net a goal, perhaps two, and let’s say Bojan follows Thierry’s footsteps and scores too).

Your predictions?

A solitary flag, claret and blue, stands where two lines meet. When it comes to Barcelona, a few keywords are in constant rotation: possession, eminence, Lionel Messi, brilliant, short (and yet the likes of Piqué, Chygrynskiy, Touré, Busquets, and Ibrahimovic tower over most), tiki-taka, Real Madrid, set-pieces (I can’t include any sort of formatting that would denote anxiety), and probably pornography. It is sometimes obscene to the stragglers how well Barcelona can play football.

And, at other times, it’s sometimes just as obscene how poorly they can play, considering.

Not that Barcelona played poorly last night against Mallorca, no. Rather, they played as if caught in the scaly grips of apathetic torpor. Barcelona controlled possession, but didn’t create much of it. Mallorca threatened throughout, and indeed managed to twice usurp the rights of Valdés to keep his sheets as clean as Mother Theresa’s. I would be disregarding the causation of this blog post’s oddly damning vibe if I weren’t to extrapolate on a few of the issues I have with Barcelona at the moment.

This set-piece malarkey, time and time again, is an irritant. There are many who learn from their mistakes, and Barcelona have in recent times done exactly that. But to concede sloppily at corners is something few professional football sides can excuse. There is no “But they’re so short!” reasoning to fall back upon this season; the players are static positionally, giving opponents all the impetus they need.

Often times the watchers of this side are quick to lambaste Valdés for his short-comings: sometimes he flaps at corners, occasionally he turkeys his clearances, and he has that arrogant air about him that people seem to despise. But he usually plays well for somebody who isn’t tested often. Not enough do we lambaste these players that leave him high and dry on set-pieces. Is there a remedy to this? Only training; repetition and situational practises ingrain a sense of movement in the squad and with Guardiola exponentially improving Barcelona’s threat at set-pieces, so should the side become stalwarts in defending them.

Cultural Leonesa, I believe, first gave us a glimpse of a fresh trident: the three musketeers of holding midfield. Touré, Busquets, and Keita began the match against Mallorca. This is one of few threesomes I’m not fond of. Not that the players aren’t talented individually – they are – but that the side suffers without a man versed in the art of distribution, of fluidity in movement and availability. We all enjoy seeing Touré in his forays forward and Keita with his surges into the area. Sometimes, we even forgive Busquets for his giving the ball away so often when he skeddadles around defenders with those spindly legs and draws petulant fouls from grown men.

But they are peripheral, complimentary in their qualities to the benefit of the side and lacking when deployed sans a Xavi, or an Iniesta. Am I being overly critical here, or are others like-minded? Do you enjoy the defensive trident, punctual in their occasional predictability (Keita) and infrequent indolence (Busquets)?

Chygrynskiy, given his early impressions, has been somewhat flat lately. I believe it is mostly a matter of time before the Ukrainian cements that starting position (and a happy birthday to him, by the by), with Marquez begging questions over the necessity of his recent contract renewal.

But now, faithful readers, this is not a deathly signal that the masses should start crying afoul of their esteemed club. With Barcelona (and The Smiths), there is a light that never goes out.

I have a friend, let’s call him A, and he dislikes Pedro. He doesn’t think he’s that good. To be fair, he’s probably right. Pedro has, however, been a stellar impact player, notching goals in five competitions this season. He padded that tally with two efforts against Mallorca, one composed and the other fortunate. The commentator said, “Pedro looks disappointed to be taken off,” with Messi waiting to enter, and I’m slightly ashamed to admit that I was also a little unhappy to see the lad leave the pitch. His efforts definitely deserve a mention.

Ibrahimovic il Magnifico. The man has a knack for inducing wonderment. Not only for his back-heel assist to Pedro on the opening goal, but for his general play. He has that physical ferocity around the area, winning these low-percentage passes and controlling with ease, but along with that he brings the rest of the stadium into the game. You can feel the Camp Nou lick their lips whenever the colossally talented Ibrahimovic is involved. It reminds me of the awe that was once afforded to a certain buck-toothed bloke. I feel Barcelona aren’t using him enough. My appetite for the Swede’s football has yet to be whet, and if he continues along (whilst adding a few more goals), I doubt it ever will be.

The maligned two – Messi and Henry – finally get themselves on the sheets for all the right reasons again. Thierry’s impassioned kick-the-goalpost celebration only emphasised his frustrations, both with injury and his lack of tangible output. The Argentine, although notching from the penalty spot, was brought on early (early, early!) in the second half and we can only hope this will do something for his confidence.

And Barcelona’s confidence, too.