And what did this day of friendlies and World Cup playoffs leave us? Well, an image I wouldn’t have believed possible, for a start.

“Yes, it was a handball,” said Thierry Henry of this. No kidding, Tití. No. Kidding.

Thierry Henry (and Eric Abidal, who is nursing his thigh injury in Barcelona) got their golden World Cup Ticket thanks to a highly-questionable move by our French striker, who handled the ball (twice, if you at the video closely) to set a goal that Arsenal’s William Gallas slipped past the Irish goalkeeper. My theory is that he had his eyes closed and that the ultra-tight new French kits had cut off blood flow and feeling in his upper limbs, so he really didn’t realise that he was playing volleyball for a moment. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

“I will be honest, it was a handball. But I’m not the referee,” said Thierry after the match, shrugging in infinitely French fashion. “It’s a f***ing disgrace,” said… oh, no, wait, wrong one. “The hand was so obvious, we’re disgusted. FIFA absolutely did not want Ireland at World Cup,” fumed Robbie Keane in response. The Irish have a good reason to complain, but… c’est la vie (see what I did there?).

On other, less red-card-worthy news… oh, no, forget it. We’re still thinking of red cards, particularly of the one that Pehlivan got yesterday during the first half of the friendly game between Austria and Spain (in the same stadium that saw La Roja win their European Cup last year) for a foul on our dear Sergi Busquets. Our midfielder gave as good as he got, however, but after he was subbed off in the second half he was seen with a pack of ice firmly held to his knee. I’d be grateful if you could stand up now and perform the solemn Please, Dear Gods of Football, No Friendly Injuries dance. Thank you.

I think I’m getting used to the sight of Barça players writhing in pain on the ground.

Now, if you’ve caught your breath from your vigorous dancing, let me tell you that Vicente del Bosque was kind enough not to play Piqué or Puyol, but Buquets, Xavi and Iniesta were in the starting XI. Don Andrés set the second goal for Villa to slip past the Austrian goalkeeper, Xavi lorded over the midfield, and Busi… well, Busi was not bad, fouling and backpassing to his heart’s content; to be honest, I’m happy that Del Bosque is playing him so much, because I think that way he can get more experience and make mistakes that hopefully he will not then repeat when dressed in blaugrana. Spain went on to win 1-5, with Busi being subbed off in the second half for Athletic’s Iraola, Xavi for Valencia’s Pablo H. and Iniesta for Sevilla’s Navas.

Oh, and before I forget, Chygrinskiy and Ukraine did not get into the World Cup, being knocked out on a match that a gritty Greece won in Donetsk, a match that our Jesus Christ Superstar lookalike didn’t play.

This makes it eleven Barça players that will be playing in South Africa next summer: Xavi, Iniesta, Puyol, Piqué and Busquets for Spain, Leo Messi for Argentina, Dani Alves for Brasil, Yaya Touré for Côte D’Ivoire, Thierry Henry and Eric Abidal for France, and Rafa Márquez for México. And, even though the list of countries is not going to change, we could sneak a further player in this list, if Vicente del Bosque listens to the screams of “Pinto Selección” that can be heard in some matches at the Camp Nou. No, I’m not joking… not about the screams, I’m not, but it’s our underrated (or overrated, depending on which side of the fence you’re sitting on) Víctor Valdés who is rumoured to have chances at *finally* being called for La Roja after Diego López’s latest disappointing performances. We’ll see.

Ah, isn’t this a sight for sore eyes?

And, on even happier news, we have the joyous return of Gabi Milito to the field! The Argentinean defender played a full 45 minutes of the friendly that Barça played against Bolívar (a Bolivian team) yesterday, and that a hodgepodge of first-team players and boys from the Juvenil B won 4-1. “It’s been a very special day,” said Gabi, who was watched from the stands by Txiki. “I’m making progress though I’m still in the recovery phase. I’m still not ready for a competitive match. How long? I don’t know yet but it won’t be long”. After 19 months laid up, Gabi, I think we can wait another few weeks to make sure you’re alright.

And with this, international break is over and is business as usual for Barça, who will start training today in the afternoon for our match against Athletic de Bilbao this weekend.

But wait, what is that I hear? Oh no! According to Mundo Deportivo, Zlatan Ibrahimovic’s ischiotibials seem to have given out and, pending on further medical tests, he seems to be in doubt not only for Saturday’s match, but perhaps also for our clashes agains Inter and Real Madrid. If you need me, I’ll be here in my corner, crying and holding onto my Leo Messi plushie.

But remember, one of Lord Pep’s maxims is that you can’t trust anyone. Perfect strangers in the shape of Russian teams can come to the Camp Nou and beat us. Last year, an ickle Segunda B team knocked Real Madrid out of the Copa del Rey, Iker Casillas notwithstanding, not to mention that it was an ickle Segunda B team that yesterday beat Real Madrid 4-0.

So, we’re taking this match seriously. And, to demonstrate our commitment to give a good show and make every team we face feel important, we’re only leaving home a few guys: Leo Messi, Zlatan Ibrahimovic, Carles Puyol, Xavi Hernández, Andrés Iniesta and Gerard Piqué. I don’t know whether you’ve ever heard of any of them, but if it helps, I was told that Piqué is the guy who made a series of ads for a jeweler’s.

What do you mean we’re *not* taking this match seriously? Absences? What absences?

Yes, yes, of course it’s understandable. Messi, for a start, needs a rest after the chaos of internationals and giving his all against Rubin Kazan and Zaragoza. Ibrahimovic still has some pain in the knee that an Albanian knocked. Puyol was complaining about his ankle in the second half against Zaragoza. Piqué and Xavi have played virtually everything for both Barcelona and Spain, and need a bit of a rest. And Iniesta is picking up the pace after his injury.

What do we have instead? Well, the list of players Pep is taking reads like this: Valdés, Pinto; Benítez, Chygrynskiy, Márquez, Fontàs, Abidal, Maxwell; Touré, Jonathan dos Santos, Busquets, Gai Assulin, Keita; Pedro, Jeffren, Bojan and Jonatan Soriano. Yes, five boys from the youth team, and one of them will have to watch the match from the stands, though, since we can only enter 16 players for Copa del Rey matches.

Our main problem is the right flank. With Dani Alves experiencing a serious injury for the first time since he joined us, and Puyol having a bit of a well-deserved rest, we’ve had to reach into the spring of young players that is Barça B in search of a solution. And found that they’re also having problems covering the right flank. So we’ve dug deeper and came up with a young man called Iván Benítez (no relation to Rafa, I hope), who usually plays fullback but can adapt to fill in Dani’s big shoes. Pep’s other option, of course, is to take one of the two very talented men we have running on the opposite flank and make them change sides, but to be honest I’d rather have a young one giving his all, than Maxwell or Abidal trying to get used to the new position.

OMG! It’s Pep Guardiola. He’s talking to me. He’s touching me! He knows my name! Breathe, now, Iván, breathe...

Elsewhere, we’re flush with talent. Bojan, who was vital in getting the Copa last season, is back from injury and itching to play; Pedrito can come in anytime with his providential, oh-so-elegant goals; Jeffren got a few minutes’ play against Zaragoza in what seems a move designed to prep him for this match. Touré, Busquets and the Man of the Week, Keita, can lend some gravitas to the midfield. Rafa Marquez and Chygrynskiy can get more time on the pitch to recover their form after their respective injuries. Maxwell and Abidal both have done well and more than well playing on the left.

My predicted line-up?

————————–Pinto————————-
Benítez—Márquez—Chygrysnkiy—Maxwell
————————Touré————————–
——————Busquets—Keita———————-
—————-Jeffren—Bojan—Pedrito—————–

With Fontás to come in if Rafa or Dima get into trouble, and possibly some experimenting in the midfield, according to how willing Cultural Leonesa are to roll over and play dead (my guess? Not much). Gai Assulin or former Espanyolista Jonathan Soriano can sub in for any of the strikers.

Now, what do we know about our rivals? Preciously little, to be honest. They were delighted to be drawn against us, and promptly hiked out the price of the tickets to their seat, the Reino de León stadium, and sold them out. Their star player is Barcelona born-and-bred Jito, who is a declared fan of our local enemies, Espanyol; he’s a nice, effective striker who has scored 9 of the 9 goals the Cultural Leonesa has on their tally this season, and I bet he’d love to put one past Pinto.

I couldn’t find a bigger picture, but look at them! They’re dressed in white! Isn’t that enough for us to want to beat them?

Cultural y Deportiva Leonesa was founded in 1923, as a result of joining Gimnástica and La Victoria, two smaller teams of the city of León. In 1926, it won the fifth-tier championship, and made it into Segunda by 1927. Their biggest achievement so far has been to play a whole season (54-55) in la Liga as we know it, although they couldn’t keep up with the big boys and have dithered between the lower tiers since then.

So far, this season has been poor for them. They are sitting 17th out of the 20 teams of their group in Segunda B, with only two wins, four draws and four losses to their name; their goal average wouldn’t keep anyone awake at night. However, Josu Uribe, their manager, thinks that “victory is possible”, but also that “a draw here in León wouldn’t be a bad result”.

Pep, on the other hand, has made clear that we are taking the match seriously and that Barça “never gives away anything. Not a match, much less a competition”; he acknowledges that having a return leg makes things easier for Barcelona, but also reminds us that last season we barely got past Segunda B team Benidorm at this stage (Pep, always so optimistic!).

Me, I’m happy. Sunday’s match against Zaragoza quelled any doubts I could have harboured about the team. I’m full of confidence in the young ones, who are going to try their damnedest to impress Pep. I predict a comfortable 0-3 victory for Barça. And you?

Let’s face it, when playing with the albiceleste, Messi is not the same marvel than he is when playing in blaugrana. He has scored just four goals in the qualification phase, and none of them have been particularly crucial; he assists less, plays less and generally shines much less when sharing the field with Tévez, Agüero & Co. than at the Camp Nou.

Which one is the Evil Twin? You get three guesses and the first two don’t count…

The Argentinean press, sensible and unrushed as always (yes, I’m rolling my eyes here), has made loud calls to bench Leo in the match against Uruguay, with the most benevolent of them agreeing to let Messi play a few minutes in the second half; apparently, over 60% of Argentineans polled agreed with this, while the culés watching from Europe can’t understand why anyone would leave Leo in the bench when he was itching to play (although we’re grateful for it, too; the less he plays, the less chances he has to get injured, and also the angrier he’ll be on his return to Barcelona, which means he’ll make all that much more of an effort… yes, call me selfish, but don’t you remember his excellent form after losing with Argentina against Brazil in September?).

The bright minds over at Clarín, Sport and The Spoiler , to name but a few, have all tried to pitch in with reasons for these Dr-Jekyll-and-Mr-Hyde performances, and I figured I should do my own bit of analysis (remember, it’s not plagiarism if it’s culled from many sources, then it’s called “research”).

1) Maradona is not Pep: I’m going to say Diego was a better *player* than Guardiola (although you’re free to disagree), but when it comes to managing, the mere threat of comparison is unfair. Pep has an idea, a style (and I’m not just talking about his cardigans and the infamous leather tie) and a way to communicate this to his players; Maradona has plenty of ideas, but they all seem contradictory, and his players often look like lost little lambs being shooed onto the pitch with no instructions.

2) Agüero and Tévez (or Palermo, or Higüaín) are not Henry and Eto’o (or Ibrahimovic): sometimes it seems as if Messi enjoys giving assists more than he enjoys scoring beautiful goals; Samuel, Thierry, Bojan, Pedrito, Xavi, Andrés, Zlatan and a long list of etceteras would certainly agree with me. Problem is, his partners in the Argentinean strike-force are not used to this generosity; you see no selfless assists in Real Madrid or in either of the Manchester teams, and El Kun often has a similar mentality towards Forlán for Atlético. If there is no one to take advantage of Leo’s passing, there’s no much point in his doing it, is it?

3) Mascherano and Aimar (or Verón) are not Xavi and Iniesta: I shouldn’t have to say this, but I will. We have one of the best midfields of the world, if not the best. We have two men who make the kind of clinical, magical passes that you want to watch again and again, even if they don’t lead to goals. We have a force perfectly attuned to providing our strikers with passing, opportunities and, if it comes down to it, resolving a run themselves. Argentina doesn’t; if Messi has to battle the defenders all the way to the midfield to find the ball, and then battle his way with it all the way to the goal to score, he’s obviously going to be less effective than when he gets served with delicious passes.

4) 4-3-3 or 4-4-2? OK, I’ll admit this might be a personal preference. But the fact is that Messi’s style of play is more suited to the wider spaces he gets when his team plays 4-3-3, than when he has to battle the concerted efforts of a defences focused on him and a sole partner (and if this partner is the equally tiny Agüero, and their opponents are some of the legendarily rough South American center-backs, even more so).

5) South American football is different: trust me, I grew up watching South American football; watching a Liga or even Premier match after that is enough to make you wonder if they’re really the same sport. Leo Messi is a child of La Masía and its style of play, and just as we make allowances for South American players recently arrived to European football, we should make allowances for the return journey.

6) Club is not country: and I mean this in the best way possible. For one thing, club means months and months of training, travelling, eating and living with your team; national team duty is a hasty few days after flying from all corners of the world, playing with a group of people who are never the same from one call-up to the next. Also, Leo grew up as a blaugrana, going through all the categories, from are-you-sure-he’s-big-enough-to-play to of-course-he’s-the-best-player-in-the-world-thanks-for-asking. In Argentina, he made his debut already with the pressure of filling Maradona’s empty shoes and with the press and the whole country breathing down his neck; I don’t imagine things are any better now he’s wearing the iconic “10” shirt under the eyes of the man who, for many, will be its only owner. Yes, he thrives under pressure, but so much?

Say it with me, “AW-KWARD!”

Some people (asides from Valdés) have come to Messi’s defence (most notably Argentinean legends César Menotti and “El Cholo” Simeone, and Maradona refuses to listen to any criticism thrown in Leo’s direction (I bet Kun Agüero would love that to happen to him). It’s not enough. I’m hoping tonight, in the match against Uruguay, Leo will score a couple of goals and silence those that were criticising him; if not, then I’ll be contented with having him back in Barcelona, safe, uninjured and itching to prove his worth against Valencia (like Ibra said, “If Argentina don’t want Messi, we’ll (Sweden) take him”.)

So, what do you think?

Chivas is our stiffest competition yet (no offense, El Bex and Landycakes), so it’ll be interesting how we handle it. Guardiola might just go ahead and throw out a starting 11, just to get them some reps together and, perhaps, to give Bojan a nice little boost of confidence by playing him. Last year we blew them out of the water, but Bojan didn’t happen to score (and Hleb did!), so we’ll have to try and change that.

A few thoughts about Bojan: kid is 18, about to turn 19, and he’s learning from the best in the world. Yes, he can be a bit slow to react, to make decisions, but he’s learning his craft rather than forcing his craft. I like that. When he starts to force the issue, you can see it, and he gets appreciably worse. Against Seattle he was making the right runs, but didn’t have the proper control to go along with that. I lamented in the match comments that he wasn’t quick enough with his actions after he received the ball, but at least he was receiving the ball in dangerous positions Compare this to what Guddy did, which was to maintain good control after he received the ball, but was routinely receiving the ball in awkward positions*. We can’t have it both ways. Either we accept that Bojan is making the right runs and just needs to work on his touch and shooting or we should say that Gudjohnsen had a great game because he did everything Bojan couldn’t do.

Remember that Bojan also had the luxury of Xavi and Messi feeding him slick passes (to a lesser extent Henry), but Iniesta wasn’t out there (instead it was VicSan, who we’ve collective agreed was, uh, not so great) and neither was Keita or The Yaya. If you add those pieces to the puzzle, Bojan might be able to make a lot more advantage of the situations offered him on his cutting runs, which are still very well done. He’s become, in a lot of ways, an amalgamation of Eto’o, Henry, and Messi, with characteristics from all of them. That necessitates a longer “incubation period” than some out-and-out strikers (Pippo Inzaghi for instance, who was, um, 18 when he made is professional debut). It shouldn’t be forgotten that The Kid put the ball in the back of the net more times than anyone in cantera history, though I do understand that this does not a successful career make. We need to give him time and support as well as playing time. I’m not opposed to loaning him out in principle, but I do think that it would sever his link with the club and he would, in the end, move on. That may or may not be for the best, but for now I think he’s integral to our future plans.

Let’s hope the young guns have more stellar games, but don’t forget that this isn’t just their trial periods, but also Guardiola’s tactical experimentation phase. So if a player looks like he’s being played in an unknown position, perhaps he actually is doing something different from what he’s accustomed to. This time around, let’s keep a special eye on Bojan’s runs as well as his finishing, passing, and general football chicanery.

—–
*Was Guddy’s role part of Guardiola’s master plan to involve Ibrahimovic? We know that Ibra can control the ball with his back to goal, so is the team practicing with a big, hulking striker who can play the possession game when need-be and turn and fire when that’s the only option? Imagine if we just saw one tactical wrinkle in Guardiola’s playbook? For 15 minutes in a game, Ibra can play that role, then, when the defense is properly adjusted to stop that move, he witches out to the wing and Messi becomes a false 9. Or Henry. Or we throw Krkic in alongside those 3…the tactical possibilities are fairly endless, of course, but isn’t great to think that maybe Guardiola is already out-foxing us? It’s only preseason and he’s crushing us in this game of “What Will Pep Do?” (WWPD).

Here we have the man of the hour, The Kid. He could have had a hat trick before the end of the first half against the Seattle Sounders, a club whose fans deserve a lot more credit than the players, who really seemed more interested in not getting having the slaughter rule applied.

The pitch was horrific, this miasma that grabbed the ball and made it stop. Dead. Once our lads got that sussed, you knew it was only a matter of time before the horror (for them) began, and so it did.

Guardiola rolled out with: Pinto, Alves, Puyol, Fontas, Abidal, VicSan, Busquets, Xavi, Messi, Krkic, Henry. And let’s dispense with the goals right now, because they really were spectacular.

In the first, Messi was given space by the defense as he always it, because he never shoots from distance. Every defense in the world plays to keep Argy Bargy in front of them, so that he can’t kill you with some crazy-ass, stuck-to-his-feet dribble thing.

So he laced in a free kick quality bender that beat the keeper, and that was that.

Now, Messi shooting from distance with that kind of power and accuracy is like Michael Jordan developing a jump shot. At some point, you just can’t play him. Teams wanted to tell the Bulls, “We’ll cede you his 35 points. Now don’t play his ass.”

As with every great player, Messi keeps adding things to his repetoire, to gild the lily. The way he smoked that ball into the upper 90 must have had every coach who saw the highlights saying “Ohhh, shit!” Because he’s better this year. Staggering.

The second goal came from a bit of brilliance. Yes, they were playing an MLS side who lost its last match to another MLS side, 4-0. But the second goal would have been scored against any club, any defense on the planet.

Xavi lobbed a millimeter-perfect pass to Messi, who took the ball on his chest, got it to his feet and slid it past the keeper. Sounds simple, right? But you know how most players, when playing a ball off their chest, need a bit of space for the ball to bounce off, and land at their feet, then they have to collect and proceed. Right? Riiiiiight.

This ball seemed to roll down Messi’s chest, thighs and calves directly to his feet, where he barely had to control it before stroking it into the back of the net. And it happened SOFAST! Yes, it was a crazy-ass play by a crazy-ass player. But do not underestimate the immense quality of the pass, in making that all possible. The pass was perfectly weighted and fell to his chest in an arc that made all of that brilliance just a little bit easier. It was the kind of goal that just lights up your life, and makes the day just a little bit better.

In the second half, we got a completely different lineup, with “Hey, You Still Here,” Henrique (take note, eklavya), Pique, Muniesa, Maxwell, The Yaya, Keita, Dos Santos, Jeffren, Pedro!, Gudjohnsen.

Interestingly, ball control stats went up, partly because they were playing a mostly subs lineup from Seattle, but partly because of The Yaya, who was this big, giant sponge that just stopped anything from getting that far across midfield. And the passing was better.

The third goal came from a delightful pass into space from Pedro!, who saw Jeffren about to make the run. Final Fantasy took the pass and stroked it past the keeper, an easy-looking goal that was rather a neat trick turned.

The fourth goal, I admit, got me all woozy. We have an attacking right back in Dani Alves, king of the offensive interplay, crosses and free kicks.

But now we have an attacking left back in Maxwell, who can, as he did, create space and smoke a high-quality shot at the keeper that was hard and on-target. Pedro! cleaned up the deflection. Hell will be raised this season. Abidal is much more offense-minded this season. He was showing signs of it toward the end of last season, but there’s nothing like a Maxwell to speed up that aggression acquisition process, right?

Here are the rest of the folks, in no particular order:

Pinto: Good lord, man, work on your clearances!

Alves: You kinda had the stank on offense, and got smoked on defense by an MLS player. I’m just saying.

Puyol: Um, El Capitan, it’s just pre-season. Give them a break, dude! You don’t have to destroy everything.

Fontas: Nice and solid, definitely one for the future. Yes, playing with Captain Caveman makes anyone better, but you get it. Nice distribution, as well.

VicSan: Kid, you sucked. Uncertainty and slowness just aren’t going to cut it with this side. We’re trusting Guardiola, but come on. Make some shit happen. Pass after funky pass went awry, and you were much of the reason that we didn’t have iron-clad midfield control. Stop that.

Busquets: Look, Magnet. Yes, you draw fouls. Now stop committing stupid ones, and work on positioning your body so that when you take the pass, you can do something with it, instead of having to turn around and THEN do something with the ball. Study The Yaya for your homework.

Xavi: Insert list of superlatives here, add exclamation point. Done.

Henry: Nice facilitator’s role. He’s moving better and better, and is still working his way back into fitness, but I like what I see. I do want to see more power on the shots this year, though. You have homework, as well.

Messi: Insert new list of superlatives here, add exclamation point, realize that he wasn’t even playing at full speed, fall off chair, begin writing condolence cards for other coaches. Done.

Krkic: Your homework is to regain the joy that you played with when you first came up. I don’t know if the added muscle has affected your quickness, but you aren’t flitting past defenders, MLS defenders, mind you, as you used to. And you’re thinking too much, trying to make plays perfect instead of just taking the pass and blasting the shot. You did it time and again. Sometimes, the best offense is quickness. We love you and your talent, but one part of us wishes you had a more gradual coming along, like Pedro! and Final Fantasy, so that you have the confidence that you seem to lack. You’re right there, and you’re doing everything right. Now watch your videos, and correct those errors. Confidence is key, and we need you to have it, because you are going to get some serious pitch time this season, and you have to make it count. Now get busy.

Henrique: Yes, he has a name now. This is the guy we thought we were signing. Could it be that he’s more comfy at right back?

Pique: Nice work. Keep it up.

Muniesa: I confess that I didn’t see all the clunkiness that a few folks cited. I just saw a young defender, still feeling his way around life with the big boys. He did fine.

Maxwell: If Eric Abidal has insomnia, I know why. He looked really good, and already seems to have an understanding with Keita.

The Yaya: All bow down in the presence of greatness. Has anyone noticed that he is even better this season? I have.

Keita: Speaking of Huh? What?, he is really putting Gudjohnsen on the chopping block. His improvement, both in movement and interplay with the rest of the team, has been a delight. He’s part of what will be a serious Danger Tandem with Maxwell, as they are already moving together a bit like Xavi and Iniesta.

Dos Santos: I know that he isn’t really ready, but I’d love to see some shots for Johnny Two-Time against Liga opposition. And what an outside shot!

Pedro!: Deserves the promotion that he got. Yes, he’s stood out against sub-par sides, but the skills that he’s been showing are the same: pace, movement, excellent control and passing ability.

Jeffren: I think that Final Fantasy is ready for promotion, too. I do wish he could do some midfield work, instead of being a pure winger, but his presence does mean that Iniesta can, at times, spell Xavi.

Gudjohnsen: Monument, I’m going to defend you here. You weren’t as crappy as everyone says you were. You had nice distribution, and didn’t set up camp offside. I feel your pain on the Johnny Two-Time shot, as you made a nice run to get open behind the defense. I might have grumbled too.

Finally, I leave you with a picture that we are going to see a lot of this year. Note the fear on the defenders faces, as they wonder just how in the hell this dude is going to kill them.

Pedro! is ready. Even if the rest of the squad isn’t. Buried on the official site in a recent post, along with birthday wishes for He Who Is No Longer Pedrito, was the news that he had been promoted to the A team.

And man, is he ready.

We saw glimpses of what was possible for him last year, the way he raised hell against Fiorentina, and entered matches with a bundle of energy. But this is a new level of Pedro! Hell, if he keeps on playing like that, he might even acquire an extra exclamation point.

Our boys rolled into the Rose Bowl, in front of a crowd of almost 94,000, to take on the Los Angeles Galaxy of the MLS, a club that I like think of as the Los Angeles Becks, Lannie and some other dudes.

That we won 2-1 wasn’t a surprise. It should have been more, but it’s pre-season, a time for sharing. And caring. And learning. It’s about getting in shape, not getting hurt and learning to play together at a match-winning level. They get an A for that. We kept the ball, and took it from the Galaxy when they had it, and showed it to us at all. Nice.

Guardiola first rolled out with: Pinto, Alves, Marquez, Muniesa, Maxwell, Keita, The Yaya, Dos Santos, Messi, Pedro! and Krkic. And Messi was rocking the captain’s armband, which was really cool to see.

This is a very different pre-season than last. Players are coming off injuries, Confed Cup duty and various holidays. They aren’t as sharp, and Guardiola has some kids to examine closely. And I think that he likes what he sees.

More importantly, he seems to like what he is seeing out of the club, and he should. There is great energy out there, even if it’s pre-season, so the passes are a little short, and that telepathic bond that existed at the end of last season isn’t there yet. But it isn’t supposed to be, and I’d be worried if it was. Can’t peak too early.

It was really a match of two halves. The first gave us a glimpse of a Xavi and Iniesta-less world, and I didn’t like it. We had some midfield control thanks to The Yaya, but he was moving a bit more gingerly after taking a very hard foul that should have gotten the offending player a yellow. We nabbed a scrappy goal thanks to Pedro!, who did a little dance, made a little move and blasted a shot that the keeper deflected but didn’t control. He and Messi were dancing around like hummingbirds in the box, before Pedro! finally got the rebound that put it away.

But the best part about that first goal was that it was the kids who worked the mojo. Dos Santos felt his side of the pitch getting a little crowded, so he laces a lovely cross-pitch ball that reset the offense, before Muniesa stroked the pass that turned Pedro! loose.

Remember that Gudjohnsen pass to Pedro! that everyone wall calling me harsh for labelling a pass that any professional should be able to make? Muniesa’s was better. And it demonstrated precisely what I mean, because unlike the Gudjohnsen pass that had acres of space for both passer and receiver, Muniesa’s pass was quick, precisely weighted and exactly where it needed to be to make sure that Pedro! was the only one with access.

Yes, we conceded, as Lannie showed his Greg Louganis style after a play by Adriano, who had just come on for Marquez. The replay showed that he dove, and a ref used to that sort of thing wouldn’t have called it. But he did. Beckham converted the free kick from close in, a hell of a shot, really, that caught Pinto a little flat-footed, and it was 1-1.

The second half was Xavi Time. You kind of forget how spectacular our midfield maestro is, how essential he is to our ball control attack. He kind of did a lullabye thing with the ball, that Jedi Mind Trick thing he does where he sashays about, all “I’m not going anywhere with this round thing at my feet,” before he kills you. In this case, he laced a ball to Busquets, who slotted in a perfect pass for Jeffren, who buried it.

Now, for impressions of folks who stood out, or are worthy of mention:

Pedro!: As I said above, he’s ready for regular time with the first team. His control, pace, movement and cutting ability remind me of one diminutive Argy Bargy.

Muniesa: I love this kid. He’s calm, with great positional sense and passing ability. He looked up, saw Pedro! on the move and dropped a perfect ball for him. Guardiola plucked him up at the end of last season, and now we see why. We also see why Caceres is expendable. He’s already better than the Uruguayan, and he’s only 17! I’d say I have a crush on him, but the IMBLA (International Man/Boy Love Assn.) would start spamming me.

Maxwell: Um. Wow. He had a king-sized hoseoff that allowed not one, not two, not three but four Galaxy players to crash the box with header chances. But his pace with and without the ball, passing ability and attacking skill were evident. You could see a lineup with The Yaya and Keita holding down the middle, with Maxwell and Alves raising hell on left and right. Easily. I reallyreallyreallyreally liked what I saw. Abidal looked nervous when he came in.

Marquez: Man, how I missed those passes out of the back that he does so well. In particular, that ball to Keita who seemed stunned that it got to him. I thought it was going to be the second goal, for sure. He moved very well, to boot, particularly laterally, which you always like to see after a knee injury.

Keita: He’s not in season form yet, but you can see how his emergence could make Gudjohnsen expendable. He does a lot of what Monument does, only with greater quickness and athleticism.

Dos Santos: What a passer, with a great sense of the field. Hang on to this kid, who has the knack for keeping the ball moving. He knows when to get fancy (pop lob for Alves), and when to just work the ball, a la his interactions with Messi and Alves on the right side. And his amazing pass for Krkic should have been another goal, but The Kid was unusually craptastic.

Xavi: Beauty, serenity and a sense of joy….bring a Xavi home today, for only 100.000.000 Euros.

Busquets: Calmer and more assured. Great pass to Jeffren, that he probably doesn’t make last year, or tries something too fancy, or too late.

Jeffren: If he keeps going at this rate, he’ll be promoted, as well. Should have had two goals. He’s fast, aggressive and fearless, with a quick shot. He’s almost ready.

Fontas: Tell me again why we’re trying to buy defenders? By the time our current crop are done, we will have Adriano, who will be playing up to his real name by then, Botia, Pique, Muniesa and Fontas. Let’s hear it for the farm! Yes, he dwelled on the ball a bit too long and got it stolen by Beckham, but he will learn. Probably already has.

Gudjohnsen: In his defense, he isn’t a forward. But dude, at LEAST stay onside! Horrifying. I kept thinking of my “bear with the car keys” analogy. His sloppy ball-handling that led to a Galaxy jailbreak was shameful. I will give him love if he stays, when he plays well. But I don’t think that even his most ardent fans can find anything good to say about his showing. Hope nobody from West Ham was watching….

Finally, my only real issue with this match, and it’s a danger of engaging lesser clubs in friendlies, is that a few players take things way too seriously. The below image is of a foul that made Henry say to the fouler, “Knock that shit off, junior.” The guy is going in, studs up, at the ball but more importantly, at Henry’s foot/ankle. It’s a friendly, jackass. The cop is looking like “If he hurts Henry, I’m going to shoot that sonofabitch.” I would have beat him to it.

So, here’s the thing about Sir Bobby Robson, the man who, when people call Alex Ferguson “Sir,” make me think “Here’s a big, fat dose of ‘Whatever, dude.’”

Robson is my real “Sir.” He only had a season at the reins, 1996-97, a season in which he brought in Ronaldo, a.k.a. “Fenomeno,” still the best striker that most cules will say has ever donned the colors. Robson was considered by many a manager who had a phenomenon, and didn’t win the league. Others argue that humanity and grace are more important than winning.

Almost everyone you ask will tell you that Sir was a throwback, that there will never, ever be another manager like him, because he managed with his heart and humanity. He rolled in after the Cruijff glory years of footballing beauty, adopting a system that was more English than the fluidity that Camp Nou dwellers had come to love. But make no mistake about it, his boys stomped on the terra, with a single-minded mission of putting the ball in the back of the net. He had Ronaldo, “Judas” Figo and some dude named Guardiola, and they played like their manager, like the game was fun. Like it was a game.

And he won. In a season, his team nabbed the Spanish Super Cup, Copa and UEFA Winners’ Cup. And he did it with style, grace and a good humor that endeared him to almost everyone who had the opportunity to work with him. Cules and others, however, were less convinced.

Typical of Robson is one of his statements, upon learning that the cancer he had was terminal: “I am going to die sooner rather than later. But everyone has to go sometime and I have enjoyed every minute.”

It is that attitude that makes it clear why, though he only managed Barca for a season, his death, though inevitable as a result of the cancer that ravaged his body, hit many people at the club hard, particularly Luis Enrique.

“It was a fantastic year for both football and personal experiences,” said Enrique. “Although he was only on the bench for a year, Robson was a manager who left his mark.”

Robson’s first contact with us came when Terry Venables was rumored to be in trouble. It was over dinner with club officials. When he rolled into town after the Cruijff circus, toting along one Jose Mourinho as his intepreter, it was a term destined to be short-lived. And yet, in that time, he became a bona-fide Barca legend, winning 3 titles and setting the club up for further opportunities at European success.

And when people talk about how the club treats its legends, for Robson to, after one season, have been tossed aside for Louis van Gaal is a decision that still rankles some socis with long memories.

But the biggest problem was, as it was with another beloved manager, Frank Rijkaard, an irrpressible Brazilian who helped put the nails in the coffin. It was probably inevitable, because Robson loved football and he loved football players. He came when it was a business, post-Bosman, when crazy millions were flying around like ninepins. But to him, it was still a game, the game he loved as a child and cherished as a player.

But I had to dig out Jimmy Burns’ spectacular “Barca: a people’s passion” to find a Robson quote that just knocked me out, and summed up his feelings about his too-brief time with the club. When asked how he felt about his time with us, Robson said:

“It is the opening of a European tournament….an electric atmosphere, a hair-tingling scenario. And you know that if you lose you are going to get whacked and people are going to be unhappy and the press is going to be out there waiting for you. And the tension brings the adrenaline and the excitement.

“The army can not be defeated.”

Rest well, Sir, and thank you for your heartfelt service to the cause.

So, I’m here to right that wrong and give him his fair shake by comparing his treatment with that of Martin Caceres, our other new signing who will be going out on loan this coming year. Hleb, of course, is headed to Stuttgart for the year and Caceres is going to Juventus (who have an option to buy), so their current situations are fairly identical except that Hleb’s is seen as a “thank god” by most cules, at least as far as I can tell, while Caceres’ is being treated as a “one that got away” kind of deal.

My thoughts on Martin Caceres: he is a strong defender with incredible pace, good tackling, and a slight knack for not being in the right place at the right time. He is also 22 years old. One thing about defenders is that they generally take a couple of extra years to become extremely good. That Pique is now considered our primary started at LCB is kind of absurd and shouldn’t be looked at as a standard growth rate. It’s not standard, it’s abnormal to the point of absurdity. I am disappointed that Caceres is going to Juventus (who may or may not employ the buy option on him, but if he’s any good next year he’ll be purchased by them for a net loss of €4m to us), but I can understand the idea that he wasn’t fitting in right in our system. No one will fit in immediately, that’s the truth of the matter. To go back to Pique again, he fit in so well because he’s a canterano — Caceres is, of course not. Caceres, however, showed his quality at Recre in 07/08, got a €16m move to Barça last summer and was put onto the field for 13 league games, 7 cup games, and 3 CL games. During that time I thought he was adequate, with only one extreme stinker of a game and even that was actually just a stinker of a half (against Atleti in the Copa).

What Caceres showed me was that our defense isn’t going to magically become 100 times better by adding more new faces — it takes time and training alongside Puyol and Marquez for anyone to fully understand the concepts behind our version of Total Football. Perhaps Caceres’ passing was up to that standard and he should go. I can buy that, I’m fine with that. I disagree to a certain degree, but I can understand that. Every time he was on the field, he was playing hard, trying to prove his worth, and crack the starting lineup. It was a goal of his, not a previously-earned right. He knew that and he worked hard when he was on the field — perhaps too hard — in order to achieve that goal, to earn that privilege. Perhaps he worked too hard, pressing instead of learning. Unfortunately he is going to Juventus (not a small club, mind you; it’s unfortunate for us) and it will be interesting to see whether those saying he will work out in a different system are on the right track or not.

As for Alexander Hleb: he’s technically gifted, capable of creativity, and understands the concepts of the possession game, but he lacks speed (read: doesn’t lack pace, is in fact quite fast, but lacks quickness in his decisions). He is also 28 years old. He’s at the age where he should be at “the peak of his career” if you believe in such generalizations, or at least he should be close. As I said before, it takes a bit for players to adapt to new systems, but after Arsenal, the turnaround time shouldn’t be all that long for a midfielder (the case of Henry is interesting and I might tackle that in a different post; suffice to say that Henry’s positioning was different enough between to the two systems to cause a delay in his adaptation…and I bad-mouthed him last year for not adapting quickly enough during that first year), especially one whose entire game is possession-driven and creative.

There is something to be said for his lack of regular playing time, but, as with Caceres, I find it hard to justify keeping him around based solely on that simply because it won’t be changing in the coming year. Whereas I see Caceres as a work-in-progress, I see Hleb as a completed work, as someone who as achieved his potential and his potential isn’t right for our squad. I don’t think he’s a bad person — I don’t know him — but I do think that he isn’t working hard enough to integrate himself into the squad, the evidence of which is that he hasn’t learned Spanish (it could be that he has trouble learning languages, but it appears to be a lack of effort on his part) and he’s been talking about the team and Guardiola to the press. What Hleb apparently needs is some fan/coach love and playing time, but on our squad he’s just not going to get that in any regular dose because there are others ahead of him in the pecking order.

Coojonudo also makes the point that we spent a summer “courting” Hleb just to toss him to the wolves after a solitary year. Fair enough, except from my point-of-view I was always opposed to his signing so, I suppose, at least I can act like I saw it coming. If I’m going to cop to being wrong about Henry (who I said would never really make it at Barça), I think it’s only fair that I get to say “I told you so” about Hleb, too. In all fairness, though, I was opposed to Hleb, but once he arrived, I attempted to support him in his getting-to-know-the-system phase. At least I think so — feel free to go back through the old posts and cherry pick some awesome statements by me that show I’m full of it now, too.

All-in-all, I think that Hleb has the skills to be a good player at Barcelona, but he doesn’t have the mental game required to play at lightning speed like Xavi, Iniesta, and Messi. That was Henry’s primary problem in his first year, but his class helped him to make up some of the difference. Hleb is not as good as Henry (at their respective positions, of course, though that’s apples-to-oranges), so it’s probably unfair to hold him up to the same standard. Except that he was a Barcelona player, so the standards are pre-set in a lot of ways. If Oleguer gets trashed for not being up-to-standard, which he wasn’t, then so does Hleb. And Caceres too, for that matter. Henrique, Maxwell, and Ibrahimovic all face this same test come Aug 31, so it’s not that Hleb was singled out unfairly, it’s that he didn’t preform well enough during his admittedly limited minutes to earn more quality starts. Pedro! is an example of someone sticking to it and playing hard to get minutes and he’s still going to be on the bench most of the year. Bojan, too, has put in his hours, but he’s not a starter very often.

So that’s a couple of thoughts — by no means a complete study — that should explain a bit about how I feel and how I arrive at some of my assertions.

I hope that Hleb is able to regain a measure of his form at Stuttgart and I hope that Caceres performs well at Juve, but I’m not holding my breath about either. Also, consider this their official goodbyes from me. They weren’t around long enough to warrant full posts apiece.

We don’t have any glorious prizes (or any at all, really) for the winner, except for a chance to show off your creativity.

So have at it.

Now that Ibrahimovic has been signed, presented, and bum-rushed and Samu is officially an Inter player, the daily rags (Sport and El Mundo Deportivo) are suggesting that our spending spree is not over. In fact, they’re saying we’re going to splash out something in the range of €20-30m for Dmytro Chyhrynskyi, Shaktar’s 22-year old central defender.

So the question has popped up in my mind of exactly what holes we have left to fill, if we have any at all. I’m not particularly interested in the money at this point, not because it’s unimportant, but because this post is aimed at the actual sporting needs with money as the secondary influence. I’ll flesh out more of the financial stuff in a future post.

Our transfer season to date:

IN -
Henrique (CB) Return from loan, cost incorporated into last year’s budget
Maxwell (LB, LM) ~5m
Keirrison (FW) ~15m
Ibrahimovic (FW) ~45m

OUT -
Sylvinho (LB) Free
Eto’o (FW) Cost incorporated into Ibrahimovic deal (value up for debate, list at 20m for Barcelona’s books)
Hleb? (MD)
Keirrison (FW) out on loan, his price will be incorporated into this year’s budget

So, all in all, we are down one midfielder, at least in terms of number of players available. I would rather give Gai Assulin’s little brother’s best friend’s worst opponent on FIFA 09 for Xbox’s uncle’s cousin a shot at the mid than have Hleb around for another year (after all, his shwartz is just as big as mine). But we’re also up a defender in Henrique, who supposedly can both CB and as a functional DM.

What I’m confused about, then, is that we’re linked so heavily to a very expensive defender, who, if the reports are to be trusted, would cost at least near the range of Dani Alves. It’s fairly clear from this that Caceres is gone — not being included in the USA squad list is definitely a very strong hint that he’s gone. Are we looking for a replacement for him? I thought that’s what Henrique was, to be honest. if the idea is to bring in someone else for central defense who will make a bunch of starts throughout the season, does that push Henrique to the very periphery of the squad, to exactly where Caceres was last year? That seems an expensive option to pick up for no particular reason. If Pep wants Chyhrynskyi (whose name I’m spelling the way wikipedia has it, not the way the Spanish media spells it), then we should get us some Chyhrynskyi — that much I am not questioning. What I am questioning is the need for Henrique if we do get Chyhrynskyi or anyone else for the CB position.

Here’s our current list of CBs: Puyol, Marquez, Pique, Henrique, Caceres, with Milito a big question mark. Alberto Botia is on loan at Sporting Gijon (will we see him on Aug 31?) and players like Marc Muniesa and Andreu Fontas aren’t Ready yet. Caceres is probably headed out, but hopefully only for one year on loan — probably to Juventus. Assuming he goes, that leaves us with 4 players for 2 positions, another good defender possibly returning from injury part way through the season, and 2 young guns waiting in the wings for opportunities. And one gigantic Yaya to cover any holes that appear for, say — just to throw something completely made up out there — the Champions League final.

Do we really need to drop 20-30m on a player who will see a small amount of playing time compared to the other members of the squad? The only way it makes sense is if Henrique or Chyhrynskyi is capable of playing defensive mid as well because that would be effectively killing two birds with one very expensive stone. It’s not a bad idea, in theory, to get another good, young defender (Chyhrynskyi, like Henrique is 22) in order to fit him into the system over time, but I find it strange to do so in a year when that player will not receive enough playing time or, if he does, he will create a playing time deficit for someone who is already on the team and has arrived with a solid amount of praise from his time on loan last year. Or do we buy Chyhrynskyi and loan him out to someone else?

My thought is that we’re pretty stacked in that particular position (Botia and Muniesa have both impressed me) so there’s no need to buy anyone else, at least for this year, even if Caceres leaves.

At fullback, we’ve got ourselves Abidal and Maxwell for the left, which is more than adequate coverage; on the right we’ve got Dani Alves, who can be covered by Puyol very adequately, but for how much longer? We need our captain in the middle of the field more than anywhere else, of course, partnering Pique and Marquez. I’ll discuss some of the problems of adding Albert Dalmau (assuming he’s Ready) towards the end of this post. This position definitely remains a question mark for me.

In the middle of the field, we’re talking about Hleb leaving without anyone coming in to replace him, at least for the moment. If we loan out Caceres to Juventus, we might swap him for a loan of Christian Poulsen in order to fill our Yaya-sized hole in defensive midfield during the ACN in January. However, in my esteemed (and oh-so-humble) opinion, Poulsen isn’t good enough for us. He wasn’t really even good enough for Sevilla, though if this included Cronaldo in place of Danny, I might be inclined to vote for him…

Should we even bother to find someone to fill the gap we’ll have? We have Busquets as a direct replacement and Marquez who can step up if need be. And as I mentioned earlier, if we can use Henrique as a DM, I think we’re set in that department; Victor Sanchez could possibly fill in at times, but it’s somewhat doubtful that he would cut the mustard at such a high level with such a slight frame.

The loss of Hleb isn’t, for my money, that large of a loss, though it does leave us one creative midfielder short when we’re looking to provide Iniesta or Xavi with rest. If Guardiola lets Hleb go without much of a fight, I imagine it’s for good reason: either Hleb is useless anyway or one of the younger players is going to step up to fill in. It’s probably unfortunate that Thiago Alcantara won’t be playing for us during the USA tour so that we can see what he’s got to offer. I don’t think any of our youngsters are Ready for the primetime lights, so, as odd as it is for me to say such a thing, the loss of Hleb could be felt rather heavily late in the season. There’s also Victor Vazquez, Jonathan Dos Santos, and Jose Manuel Rueda available, but, again, none of them can really step up enough, I don’t think, to get us victories in some of the tough games we’re likely to have in December and January.

One possible answer to this problem is something that several people have been advocating for a while: moving The Yaya to a more creative role and leaving Busquets to mind the DM position. I like that concept, especially in leading up to January, when we’ll need to get Iniesta and Xavi as much rest as possible. The Yaya is by no means a replacement for either of those players, but he still provides a large amount of offensive firepower, especially if Gudjohnsen can provide crucial minutes in that department, though I see the Icelandic Monument as more of a late-game sub for the forwards than as a creative midfielder.

My thought is that we’re a little crunched here, but we’ll be fine if the kids can step up for a game or two.

Continuing with our forward movement along , we arrive at the front, at our trident of terror. Now that Ibra is in for Eto’o, the dynamic of the offense must change. Both players have, correctly, stated that they are not direct replacements for the other. The tactical changes required by Ibra’s introduction into our system will, I think, allow us to keep teams guessing as to the focal point of our attack. Ibra can drift to the wings, thanks to his technical abilities (though it might take some time, like with Henry, for him to become fully acquainted with the system) and both Messi and Henry can play the “9″ and as the “false 9″. Bojan, then, can swap in at any of the positions in the front since his tactical versatility is growing by the day. Last year alone he played in all three forward positions with a relatively good success rate (feel free to parse Kevin’s ratings for that). To make matters even better, Pedro! can now be swapped in on the right to give Messi a rest or, if Messi is playing in the middle, Henry or Ibra can sit out and super-sub it (or Pedro! can sub on).

So, we’re set up front, but we’re back to where we were before, the question of the right fullback.

Our squad list looks like this:
GK: 3, Valdes, Pinto, Jorquera
DF: 7, Puyol, Pique, Marquez, Henrique, Abidal, Maxwell, Alves
MD: 7, Xavi, Iniesta, Gudjohnsen, Keita, The Yaya, Busquets, VicSan
FW: 5, Messi, Henry, Ibrahimovic, Pedro!, Bojan

This list, which does not include Caceres, Hleb, or Milito, has 22 players on it. That leaves 3 spaces, assuming those three are out of the squad, that we can fill to complete our roster. We can buy players to fill those roster spots (what does Madrid think of that problem?) or we can leave them open for youngsters coming in. If we buy Chyhrynskyi and Poulsen, we’re going to basically be out of roster spots, while still not covering our right flank. That, to me, doesn’t make a whole lot of sense unless we’re deputizing Puyol as the backup right back at all times and even that doesn’t make a whole lot of sense if we have the open roster spots. I have no particular suggestion for who to get as the backup right back, but it has always struck me as strange that we haven’t even been linked with anyone for me to consider. Come on, Sport and EMD, dredge something up for us poor bloggin’ folks!

We’ve got a very loaded squad, with proper depth in all but one or two positions, except for that pesky January window when we’re going to be up shit’s creek without a Yaya*. So do we fill that position without regard for the other 8 months of the season? That doesn’t make much sense, but neither does not filling that hole. The ACN sucks!

We shouldn’t be done reinforcing, but I don’t think we need Chyhrynskyi at the moment (especially not at that price). We need an RB and another creative midfielder — someone like an Arshavin would be perfect, but I’d much prefer it if Thiago Alcantara made the jump. He’s just not Ready yet, though, which could put us in the odd position of either over-spending on someone like Arshavin or getting someone who sucks. Like Hleb. Now wouldn’t that be juuust great?

What are your thoughts on all of this? Where do we need the most reinforcement? Where have I gone wrong in my ramblings? What is the square root of 98596? Come on, people!

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*Do you think The Yaya takes up more than one roster spot? I could imagine that being the rule since he takes up more than 3 people’s worth of space on the field.