I have no idea how good/bad this guy actually is because I didn’t really pay attention to him when we played Shakhtar last season for our Champions League spot. But if LordPep wants him bad enough to pay 25 million I’m gonna have high hopes for the man. As in someone who can start without anybody noticing that he’s replaced Puyol/Pique/Marquez.

In other news our beloved Professional (Sylvinho) has completed his transfer to Man. City. As a player who always put his best foot forward (pun absolutely intended) and gave everything he had for the club he should expect nothing but support from all of us in the barça family and that’s exactly what he’ll get. God bless you

Another playing leaving our squad is Jorquera…remember him? He was our goalie in the Copa del Rey a few years ago? No? That’s okay I don’t really remember him either. But he’s moved onto greener, or rather redder/whiter pastures at Girona after having his contract rescinded (a nice gesture from our higher ups in recognition of his dedication to the colors during his time spent here). May you find minutes.

And in superawesomesexytime news Ghostface Iniesta is scheduled to have the doctors OK by tomorrow! Although he probably won’t play the European Supercup and might even rest for the first game of La Liga our team will be much much much better with him back.

Hasta la Victoria! Barça!!

There is much to say about Samu, our fierce and crazy striker, who has produced more goals in the league (108) than anyone since Ladislao Kubala finished his run with the club in 1961. He was on pace to move past Kubala in league scoring (131) in the coming year and, given a couple more years, might even have moved close to Cesar Rodriguez (196). Beyond the statistics, of course, there was his smile and his spirit, both on display in equal measure.

It was the crazy celebrations when he scored, the runs to the corner flag, the gleeful looks, the salutes with Henry in recent seasons, the vein slapping in Rome, the hand waving, the hard stares, the shushing–all of that was Samu. His fierce defense, his non-stop running, his occasional brilliant move, his knowledge of space and timing–all of that was Samu. His cars and watches, his hats and shirts, his bold statements to the press, his flirtations with leaving, his wage demands–all of that was Samu.

And in the end, he will always have a special place in the hearts of cules everywhere for giving them a show, for working hard day-in and day-out, for being where he should have been for those simple tap-ins, for the thunder strikes that somehow went in. He was always a professional and for these last four years, he has been our professional, our hard worker, our indomitable spirit.

Adios, leon. Let’s let The Plain White T’s play you off:

But this is the enduring image I will retain of Eto’o:

The biggest news, of course, is Eto’o, and boy did Guardiola upset the apple cart on that one, saying that he takes “full responsibility” for developments with Samuel Eto’o. He says the decision to do without the player is due to “feeling” and has nothing to do with football or behaviour issues.

“Without him we wouldn’t have done what we did last year. There are no football or personal or behaviour issues here. It’s just a feeling I have. I think there is a need for change. Maybe I’m wrong but it’s my responsibility and decision.”

Guardiola had not one bad word to say about the striker. He said Eto’o is an “exemplary” player willing to play out of position on the wing and a “marvellous” footballer. He thinks Eto’o was crucial in winning the treble and is “very grateful” for all he’s done for Barça over the last five years.

He also did not criticise his character: “There are no personal issues and I’m not here to change his character”. Doing without the player is just a “feeling I have.”

“I think there is a need for change,” said Guardiola. He didn’t specify what he meant by this, but did refer to “lots of things that bring it about.

“After winning what we’ve won and after five years, I think we need to change things which my experience as a footballer tells me we need to change.” Recall my nattering about taking a risk.

Guardiola is aware that Eto’o has the whip hand as well, saying “he’s fully entitled to accept or reject Inter’s offer, and if he stays we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.”

But….”It’s my responsibility. Maybe I’m wrong and maybe it won’t work out.”

Guardiola was asked if he’d thought about signing Ibrahimovic if Eto’o stays. “We’re rich, but not that rich,” he replied with a smile. “It won’t happen. You don’t want too many players in key positions and both of them are starters.”

Guardiola also had things to say on many other players, and here we go. This guy is a news smorgasbord!

Henrique: “He’s here to stay. He’ll help us a lot. He’s adapted well at Bayer Leverkusen and played a lot. I’ve heard good things about him and we’ll see how he fits into the squad.”

Cáceres: “We might put him out on loan because next season maybe he won’t have that much game time.”

Maxwell: “He’s been at the top for years. He’s played at Ajax and Inter and he’ll bring us a lot.”

Keirrison (Palmeiras player): “He’s very young and has very good stats. It’s hard scoring. The club has decided to get him but in principle that’s to send him out on loan and he’s not in my plans for this season.”

Messi: “He wants to train and it’s great for me that he’s here.” He came back a week early, ready to go. That’s the kind of message that the team leader needs to send. Awesome!

Puyol: “He’ll renew. Carles isn’t going anywhere. If he’s thinking about moving, he can forget about it I’m sure there was much laughter. He’ll play where he’s told because he’s great in all positions.”

Márquez: “He’ll renew. He’s getting over his injury, he’s come along and he’s very enthusiastic.”

Gudjohnsen: “I’ve spoken to him and for the moment he’s staying.” Because there is that hole in the midfield, if Hleb is part of this Inter deal for real and for true.

Henry: “His role depends on him. If he’s okay he’ll play a lot. He’s Henry.”

Sylvinho: “To be sure he might be angry with me. When he played he was great; in the Champions League final we saw that when everyone, Ronaldo, Rooney and Park was on his side.”

Ibrahimovic (Inter player): “He’s still an Inter player.”

Ribéry: “I reckon no way. He won’t come, firstly because Bayern won’t let him and secondly because his agent wants him to go elsewhere.”

Villa (Valencia player): “I spoke to him.”

Wow! But wait….there’s more!

“We shouldn’t go around saying how good we were last term. “We already celebrated that in April and May when we were doing it.”

“The team is a joy, and if we can we’ll do some fine tuning. I’d like to have 16 or 17 reliable players to rotate and so people can’t guess our line-ups.” Like we were doing last season.

“Touré Yaya and Seydou Keita will be away for some time (at the African Cup of Nations in January) so we’re looking at [signing another midfielder]. It’s an option. He has to be good and cheap”

“I don’t want large squads like those at Madrid or Inter.” [And if necessary] “I’ll nick some players off Luis Enrique” and rely on the Barça Atlètic squad.

Guardiola says this season won’t be like the last one, especially in terms of relations with the players.

“Now we know each other. Everyone says the same: the second year’s tougher than the first. I have to do what I can so that they have the same stimulus and humility to continue winning. I have a lot of faith in my team.”

Random bits n’ nits:

Watched Fox Soccer Report last night, and as part of the cable footy program’s report on the Barca/Inter deal, they quoted a club official to the effect of if the deal doesn’t happen, Eto’o would be a “big part” of the club’s plans this season.

As Spider-Man had his Spidey Sense, Baby Kxevin has his Bullshit Sense, and it’s tingling with such fervor that I have to sit down for a minute.

Why?

How could the club’s plans possibly be any bigger than last year, when everybody and their mamas were feeding him balls? Does that mean that he also becomes the pilot for the team jet and will design the travel suits? Comments such as that only make sense if they are considered to be verbal blandshments toward a striker who needs to feel loved, so that he can make a decision that will help the deal go through.

EMD is believing that Eto’o is going to mess this thing up by demanding a key to the city, naming rights to the San Siro and about 485 million Euros per season.

I’m not that kind of a pessimist. Eto’o gets a great squad, a great coach and a side that is still the championship favorite and a Champions League contender. More importantly, he gets to be The Man, which will make him very happy. If the Laporta comments are to be believed, it isn’t about the money for Eto’o.

Hleb’s approval is the easy part of that deal. If he says no, we stuff him in a sack and send him to Milan.

–Which brings me to my next bit, and Baby Kxevin as the voice of reason here, in suggesting that this deal could leave us worse off. If this was indeed going to be Hleb’s year, the one in which he provided effective cover and rest for our midfield dudes, his departure would seem to leave a hole that is going to need filling.

Even if the omnipresent Poulsen rumors should come to fruition, we will still need cover for Xavi and Iniesta. Xavi didn’t show the effects of playing almost every match for the club, except in a run of funky play. I believe that Iniesta showed the effects of the heavy minutes in his tendency to get injured. And we’ve all seen the Ghostface frolicking images. He hasn’t been hitting the gym in the off-season.

So unless we are one wrong foot-plant away from being a side with a hole in the middle, we need a midfielder, and I don’t mean tomorrow. Could something magical happen with one of the kids who will be brought along on the London tour? Possible, but doubtful. Then again, who among us foresaw Busquets last season?

–Now, the Big Deal could be double-dog good for us. Sport is saying that Inter will use some of the proceeds from our transaction to buy Xabi Alonso from under the flared nostrils of the EE, as they will be able to meet his extravagant valuation, something the EE can’t do because they ain’t got no dough right now, pending the Great Dutch Fire Sale.

–Finally, Villa has said to Llorente, “I’m staying.” Now. Does that mean if Laporta came calling with a suitcase full of 50m Euros that he wouldn’t say “Whoops! I meant staying in the departure lounge, waiting for that flight to Barcelona.” Dunno. But there will be a joint press conference next week, in which Villa will almost certainly say that he was doing it to help the club that he loves so much, and that has done so much for him, and that is STILL some 500m in debt.

Maxwell Cabelino Andrade is official, everyone, with a Miniestadi presentation and everything. And yes, the presentation would have been at the Camp Nou, but it’s being rehabbed. And no, not all presentations happen at the Camp Nou.

Hleb was presented at La Masia, though apparently he still isn’t sure what those words mean, just that some people were happy to see him.

Yes, it’s the obligatory crest kissing, but as with Keirrison, who will wend his way to us eventually, Maxwell has been thinking of this one for a long time, saying “It is one of the happiest days of my life.”

You Hleb fans (yes, including me, although defender might be more in order at this point, and rather a half-assed one at that) should note the following bit from his comments:

“I feel unable to speak in Catalan, but will soon seek to learn the Catalan language.”

T’was a grand and glorious gesture from a player who already understands the right things to say, given that Barca is the national team of Catalunya, and the place of pride that it occupies in the hearts and minds of many. It sort of made his kissing the crest a little more meaningful.

He’s 5′9″ tall (hey, that’s my height) and is 27 years old. His career spans a time at Ajax, where he tallied 9 goals in 114 appearances, and most recently, Inter Milan. We signed him for 4.5m, with another .5 in incentives, should some serious mojo be worked.

But the signing of Maxwell is also important, because it represents a big, giant “Whew,” uttered by cules far and wide, who were despairing of us signing anyone this summer. After being made to jump through hoops by Depor president Lendoiro, Txiki took his ball, saved some money and went for Maxwell. When Davide Santon assumed the left back position for Inter full-on, Maxwell became available.

As a player, his strengths are pace, passing and ball control skills, which will make him invaluable in our attack. He replaces Sylvinho, who served the colors long and well. I’m thinking of him as a left-sided Alves, though without the crossing ability.

Also worthy of note is that Maxwell has the same agent as one Zlatan Ibrahimovic.

Word is that technically, he is superior to the incumbent left back, Eric Abidal. He also fulfills the quest of Pep Guardiola for some real competition at various positions.

So here is his official welcome post. Everyone, put your hands together.

–A loan deal for Hleb, the Disgruntled Belorussian, going to Inter Milan might be the other shoe falling in the Maxwell deal. The final bit of the puzzle is Hleb’s consent. Here’s hoping his Italian is as good as his Whining.

–Those Poulsen rumors will NOT go away. Stay tuned with that one.

–Barca has said to Gudjohnsen, “Nice knowing you, but you can feel free to find another club.” West Ham is very interested in our Icelandic Monument.

–The plan is to present Maxwell tomorrow, after his physical and whatnot. I’m pretty geeked about this one. He was high on Ramzi’s wish list, and anybody who’s high on Ramzi’s wish list is high on mine.

–We’ve given Eto’o an extra week of vacation. He doesn’t have to report to camp until July 27. Suffice it to say he’s not a happy boy, and might report on the 20th, just to be truculent. Could this relationship possibly get any worse?

–Villa’s agent is going to take another run at the powers that be today, in the hopes of prising his star loose so that he can come to the Camp Nou. Here’s hoping, since we need to resolve this incredibly toxic Eto’o situation.

–Guardiola is back on the scene, and was the one who approved the Maxwell deal ultimately, ensuring that Abidal will have competition. As we all know, unsettlement is part of the Guardiola philosophy, to have competition at all positions to keep players on their toes. He wants to have a striker decision worked out before the London action begins.

Um, good luck with that.

–The club is another 30 million to the good, thanks to a decision won against the two main broadcasters, TV3 and AudioVisual Sport, for unpaid bills from last season. So let’s take that dosh, stack it atop the 40 we were going to pay for Villa, and buy us a big Swede. Yes!

–Spare a thought for poor Filipe Luis. That is all.

Speculation. I’ve said as much in the comments of the previous post, but want to put it here as well, because it’s worth thinking about.

There’s the story at Sport and EMD that Villa is willing to make up the difference (done via his contract) between our offer and what Valencia are willing to sell for. This is a move that, though a great many people have called nonsense on, might actually make sense, because:

–Even if it isn’t true, it sends a very clear message that he wants out, and is done with Valencia.

–I’m not sure if he has a personal contract with a shoe and/or clothing vendor, but if he doesn’t, and kicks out the jams with us, does anyone not think he could make up that fiscal difference in about two seconds?

–Speaking of marketing, Valencia isn’t exactly world-renowned, right? The marketing opportinities available as a Blaugrana player are yet another reason Villa would be willing to make up any and all differences in dosh between us and them.

–Earning potential with us is huge, bigger than it will be at debt-ridden Valencia. Never mind the potential championship incentives and payouts. We’re also a bigger club that can, simply put, pay a lot more for exceptional performance.

–Villa shirt sales would blow up, and smart players always make shirt sales and a percentage thereof, part of their contracts.

So I wouldn’t be so quick to call nonsense on that Villa story. You can see that it would be penny smart, in context of the player’s future with our club.

–Finally, the new season begins on the 20th. Most everyone is expected then, except for: Puyol, Xavi, Pique, Alves and Busquets (the birthday boy!), because of Confederations Cup duty; Iniesta, because they want to make sure he is healthy as can be, going into the season, Messi, because well, why not, and Eto’o, for unspecified reasons that can only be speculated upon.

Rock.

Sport is reporting that the Monday meeting with Villa and Llorente et al, will almost certainly unlock the doors for Villa to make his move to us.

Of course it is Sport, which has only a little bit of lean, right?

El Mundo Deportivo is a little more reserved, saying there will be a meeting, in which Villa will meet with folks and talk about some stuff.

You Spanish speakers should feel free to say “You mis-translated it, knucklehead.”

–Monday is the apparent “do something, dummy” deadline for Filipe, who is trying, without rocking the boat too much, to force a transfer. Apparently the fiscal brains over at Depor are wondering why the hell Lendoiro is turning down 10 million Euros. His answer, apparently, is “Because yo mama,” or some such. The agent is antsy, the player is antsy, the board is antsy, Depor’s coach is antsy. Everybody wants this thing to happen except for one obstinate club president. The price offered varies, depending upon where you look, anywhere from 8 to 10m. Lendoiro is in effect saying that we’re cheapskates.

Does that strike anyone else as kinda goofy?

–Speaking of keeping ‘em down on the farm, expect the official Keirrison announcement this week, at long last. No, it won’t be the last transfer of this summer, but it will almost certainly be the first. In an exclusive interview, Sport talked to the Brazilian sensation question mark, who said “I was always Barca.”

Coaches, agents and club officials are all very clear that it would have been impossible to keep him there. Keirrison’s affection for us is clear from the contract clause that would make anyone else pay 50m Euros for his transfer, and E3.50 for us. (Note: This last price is purely speculative.)

–Still no news on the Eto’o front, with less than two weeks to go before the start of training camp. Now that Citeh has pulled out of the “race,” and AC Milan has said “Too rich for our blood,” an interesting situation is developing with our Cameroonian striker. Could he be the best player that nobody wants? Our price, between 25-30m is right, so what’s the holdup? Good question. Expect many, many questions at Guardiola’s first media availability, right?

–Is anyone aware that we will be playing for SIX trophies this season? Bojan Krkic is. When asked by a clearly misguided young’un at a recent event, how he was going to feel when the Evil Empire won everything, Krkic replied: “They can’t win everything because Barca will battle to win six titles and [The Evildoers] can only win three.”

For those keeping score, that’s Spanish Supercopa, UEFA Supercup, Club Worlds, Liga, Copa del Rey and Champions League.

Too bad “La Sexta” is already taken by a television station.

Finally, a picture that needs no introduction:

Despatches and other craziness from the world at large:

–El Mundo Deportivo says that on Monday, Villa will try his hand at sorting out his situation, and either crap or get off the pot, with an eye toward havng this all sorted by week’s end. Wonder what Goal.com has to say about their “exclusive?”

–Remember Dani Guiza? Right. Remember how underwhelming he was for Fehnerbahce? Riiiiight. Well EMD says that Guardiola has been asking about him. He’s unsettled in Turkey, and has been in play this transfer season. 15m is the rumored magic number, which is certainly cheap. He’s a nice option if Eto’o stays, because you can bring him off the bench for that classic “9″ thing.

–EMD is also reporting that a TV show is alleging that in personal contact between Guardiola and Eto’o on or around 8 June, our striker was informed that he wasn’t part of the program for the coming season.

Could this BE any more messy(i)?

–Speaking of Messi, in the “I always knew he was gonna be good” category, the official site has a chronicling of the first scouting report on our little wizard.

“He’s not much physically but he is technically superb and very fast,” wrote Xavi Llorens back in the day about a 13-year-old kid who was thinking of signing with the club.

As an aside, this is the kind of great stuff that BarcaTV does. Shame that it’s going away as a consumer entity.

–Sport has the temerity to suggest that Hleb and Gudjohnsen might be used to help sweeten the Fabregas deal.

No, I didn’t make that one up.

–Bojan Krkic was told by the coaching staff at the end of the season that, essentially, a lot of crap was going to come up about him being used as bait, etc, and that he shouldn’t believe it. He will be part of the club’s plans for the coming season, promising him “a bigger role.” Well, don’t that just beat all?

Whether it is simply a big, fat raise or a raise and and extension, depends on where you look. EMD says raise. Sport says raise and one-year extension, to 2012.

As far as money, I can’t find dollar amounts yet, but Sport says his dosh will almost double.

In other news rumors:

–David Villa is all over but the shouting, with only the numbers and method of payment to be agreed upon. Welcome to the world of high-profile transfers, right? That would be like saying “I bought a car, but I don’t know how much it’s going to cost or how I’m going to pay for it. But the car is mine.”

Both Sport and EMD, bastions of unbiased reportage, say that the number will be ‘tween 40 and 45 million. Or not, since we can all recall that just last week, Valencia said Villa wasn’t for sale, no way, no how.

Villa says that all will become clear on Monday.

–A study by the University of Navarra’s Institute of Economics, Sports and Intangibles (Huh? What?), my favorite university name of all time says that Argy Bargy has leapfrogged Thong Boy in high-profile media value, whatever that means.

–Filipe, who will most likely be our very first signing of the transfer season, is ready and geeked. It is believed that a deal has been reached for the lateral defender.

–Jorge Valdano of the EE, horns just peeking from under his overstyled hair as spittle-flecked words flew from his gob, said his henchmen could go after anyone they want, even players from (shudder) Barcelona. “Why not, if there was a chance that we could do it,” Sport quotes Valdano as saying. “All we would have to do is have the player’s soul extracted, and find boots that fit cloven hooves.”

Okay. Better now? Good.

On the other side of Spain, there’s this club that is spending money like running water. In Catalunya, there’s this club that is relaxing, and basking in the afterglow of the unprecedented triplete.

Like the meditating Buddha in this picture, that club is calm. Why?

Because it can be. We should be, as well.

Let’s take stock of where we are, really, in a transfer market that has only just begun. I’ll start from the back.

Valdes: One of the best keepers in the world
Alves: The best attacking right back in the world
Pique: Fast improving, already about the best center back on the club
Puyol: Dude. Come on. You’re kidding, right?
Abidal: Greyhound fast, still-improving but excellent left back
The Yaya:
Xavi: Best in the world at his position
Iniesta: What did I just say?
Messi: Ahem! (see above)
Henry: Still great, one good season left unless platooned
Eto’o: One of the best strikers in the world

So. What do we need to go rushing about and buying players like crazy for? We already have, at every position, a player who is the world’s best or among the world’s best. Of those players, only two, Puyol and Henry, are in their last legs of excellence.

So everyone, make like the Buddha and be calm. The transfer window has barely opened. Will we make deals? You bet. There are needs, and players that must be replaced. But the world is playing catch-up with us, kings of all that we survey.

Now, let’s have a look at what’s waiting in the wings, shall we?

Marquez: Great center back still, excellent outlet passer
Milito: Um….wait a minute….um….okay
Krkic: Fast embracing the wing, should be even better this season
Keita: Excellent defensive mid
Busquets: First-class defensive mid, should be excellent next season

And then there’s….

Caceres: Lock and load. He just needs time
Henrique: Coming home from being blooded in Germany
Botia: Will be ready for sub work this year
Pedro!!!: On the verge
Assulin: Will start the pre-season with the big boys
Thiago: Whoa, dude, the future is bright
Jeffren: (see above)

What all this means is that we’re stacked, kids. Like alphabet blocks at an OCD camp.

But we do have needs.

We need a Plan B attack. We need players who can spell Iniesta, Messi and Xavi in case of much-needed rest or injury. Note that I offer no replacement for Henry, because he is irreplacable.

The Plan B is where the bus-breaking striker comes in. We don’t need to sell Eto’o for that. But I’ve made my case for the other reasons we need to sell Eto’o. But if we renew him, buy somebody such as Llorente, and we’re done.

We do need quality subs at left and right back but not really, since Puyol can play on either side, as can Caceres. We’ve been linked with Bruno Alves and Filipe. Both would be inexpensive, and would meet needs that we have for defenders, in case of injuries, etc.

Realistically, let’s look at who’s going or already gone:

Sylvinho: An excellent career, and we wish him well
Gudjohnsen: Make an offer somebody, anybody.
Hleb: Might stay, as he knows a good thing when he has it. He can’t be any worse, right? We can play him to see how he goes, and cut bait with time left in the transfer window.

Traditionally, Barca has made smart, cost-effective purchases. We don’t run about splashing money, because we don’t have to. Particularly not with a side as stacked as it is.

So breathe deep, sit tight and wait to grok things in their fullness. Laporta, Txiki and Pep aren’t sleeping. They know what the side needs, what they have ready to go, what they can spend and how to spend it. It won’t happen in the headlines, it won’t really happen in the rumor mill.

One day, probably not as soon as most folks like, it will just. Happen. And it will all make sense, and the club will be better, and stronger. We won’t stand pat, as everyone knows what we need to improve.

And we will get it.

Ommmmm….