Brazil v Argentina in Olympic footy, a.k.a. The Granddaddy of Them All (until El Clasico, that is)

By: Kevin | August 18th, 2008

Okay, we have some down time before we put Wisla to the sword on the 27th, and what better way to spend it than cheering for a homeboy, the Argy Bargy, the Fleet Fireplug, the Little Midfielder That Could, Lionel Messi.

As we’ve all been witnessing, he’s been tearing it up for Argentina, almost single-handedly getting them over the hump into the semi-finals v Brazil, for what anybody but the most insane wouldn’t dub the “Real Gold Medal Match.” It’s pretty widely believed that the winner here will have an easy time in the final match.

The pundits are probably right. We have lots of rooting interests in this go-round, and because you can’t tell the rooting interests without a scorecard, here ya go:

Lionel Messi: I know. Duh, right? Of course we’re all rooting for him. He’s Barca through and through, a product of our youth system, his career owed to our support of him in a time of need, from coaching to medical care. He is as thorough a Blaugrana as someone who had sprouted, “Jason and the Argonauts” like, from the Camp Nou pitch.

We’re rooting for two things in this match, actually. That our wunderkind not get hurt, and that he rip some shit to shreds, building worldwide fame and glory, and selling lots of Messi No. 10 Barca shirts. Yee-haa!

That last thing is one very cool benefit to his Olympic success. And also, who here hasn’t speculated that Guardiola and the boys breathed a huge sigh of relief that the team continued its dominant play even after the Wee One went to the Olympics. “See? We can play without you. We wouldn’t want to, but we can.”

Ronaldinho: The “Yay!” or “Boo!” for this bloke will depend on one’s view of his culpability for last season’s debacle. Personally, I’m sitting on my hands, but I won’t be exactly disheartened if an Argentine defender puts the boot in. He’s ex-Barca, as the whole world knows, and is said to be playing his way into shape, and will be “better than ever” after the Olympics. Guess he got all his partying out of the way in Barcelona.

Okay, I’ve figured it out now. “Boo!”

Thiago Neves (Brazil): We sort of want him to have the stank for this match, kids. Things have been awfully, awfully quiet on that front. He was on our want list before the Olympics, and I’m betting that he still is. His club, Fluminense, wouldn’t negotiate until after the games. They’re hoping he raises hell and his price skyrockets. So if he has the stank, he stays cheap. He’s definitely talented, and would make a solid Ronaldinho Lite.

So: “Boo!”

Blah, Blah, Hernanes, Blah, Blah: Not only is this talented midfielder rockin’ one of those interminable Brazilian names, but he’s another one of those wish list players. His side, Sao Paulo, took a different tack than Fluminense. They set an insane valuation of a player who is essentially untested in top-flight football. But make no mistake, they too are waiting to see what happens to his value at the Games. So far, I think the price should be going down. Let’s get it down even further with a big, fat, lusty “Booooooo!”

Fernando Gago (Argentina): He plays for that other team that goes by the moniker Evil Empire. So I’m hoping for Chinese carrion birds to swoop down and carry him away, to feed their young.

I can’t see Brazil winning this one, not with our collective (and admittedly a bit negative) rooting interest. You high road folks can just cheer for Argentina because Messi is ours, and he must triumph.

Lord knows what time the match will be shown, as there are still half-naked female asses frolicking on sandy beaches to be shown. Some call it Beach Volleyball. I call it overexposed. On the up side, NBC is all out of Michael Phelps baby pictures, and might actually take an interest in this clash of the titans. Ronaldinho v Messi? What’s not to like.

On the down side, we’ll get some jackassed commentators.

This is why I say make mine Telemundo.