The Russian Banana Peel

By: Pedro | October 20th, 2009
   

That was the general consensus when another ho-hum Champions League Group draw show came to an end and Rubin Kazan had wound up with Inter, Barcelona and Dynamo Kiev. A banana peel in a group of high-flyers, more or less. One that the well-oiled high powered Barcelona and Inter were planning to avoid slipping on, with Dynamo following suit.

Rubin Kazan showed some evidence that dispels the whole banana peel theory last match day where they held Inter to a draw in Russia. But, this was the same Inter that’s been sort of suffering from some gearing problems in the Champions League, and perhaps Inter simply couldn’t see the frozen banana peel halfway hidden in the Russian terrain – an area that’s a few centimeters farther away than most customary Champion League away matches.

Funny too, because I couldn’t help but feel rather subdued as Ryanzantsev thumped in an early shot as hard as the hammer that was symbolic of the communist state that Kazan was once a part of. It felt like an isolated incident. I was ready to dismiss Marquez’s attempt to control the incoming lob as just a screw-up from some freak occurrence like involuntary muscle twitch syndrome or full body tourettes or his eye caught the sight of some beautiful vixen in the stands. Whatever.

As time went on, it become more and more clear. Granted the little pop up showing Rubin Kazan’s 1 shot to Barcelona’s 452 shots kept reminding me that yes, serendipity did have something to do with it… the fact that the Tatarstan team were continually stifling Josep’s dream boys and willing to move forward when possible confirmed that my banana peel theory was now completely shattered.

610x2
“Toure’s thinking man pose: What went wrong?”

I’d have to throw all my research material away, because of two bloody well taken goals by some Russian team. Bugger.

However, of all similar teams that have come into the Camp Nou and hustled and bustled and pegged their hopes on a solitary chance or two, Rubin Kazan certainly had been one of the most precisely organized opponents yet.

I would now usually start going into how in actuality Rubin Kazan’s astute defense benefited from a lackluster performance by Barcelona but that would only really be a half-truth. Yes, OK, Barcelona did look a bit lackadaisical in the first 30-35 minute stretch. Perhaps they had all come off a pre-game nap.

Point is soft passes, and a lack of true tension was evident. While Xavi, Iniesta, Messi and the like enjoyed the usual spaces in the midfield, the final passes were consistently disrupted by 400,000 green-socked legs and complacency was punished with tenacious marking and double teaming.

Like any other drug, the words of Josep Guardiola occasionally need time to have an effect and may creep up in a subtle manner. Firmer passes started to become more of the norm. Off the ball movement was done with cunning conviction and that classic tension that Guardiola approved of had started to show itself as the team tried and tried through clever Dani Alves lobs, dribbles from Pedro, body shakes from Messi, evasive Iniesta hustle and Swedish ball control.

Spain Soccer Champions League
“Firm passes, Messi! If i wanted them soft, i wouldn’t have gotten out from under the sheets of your mother’s bed!”

These behavioral changes and hard work were rewarded with a concrete goal: A cool-as-you-like lob by Xavi and an instinctual finish by Eto- err Zlatan. Ibrahimovic. The big one up front there. Right, ahem.

Progress was being made until the 73rd minute where a situation occurred that not only reads as an unappealing movie plot but really describes the match in a nutshell:

Messi’s minor complacency results in a pass which is once again deflected by a green leg. The deflected ball eludes the usual magnetic attraction toward Barcelona players and lands at the feet of Dominguez. Wasting no time, Dominguez tip toes and laces a pass right into a steaming Gokdeniz who opts to waste no time with limp wristed fancy ooohs and aaahs, instead going for the tried and true far post zinger to make it 2:2 shot to goal ratio (match stat notes there was a third shot but who are you going to trust, them or me?).

Not all doom and gloom, though. While there was a large spell of poor Barca performance, the team did show the ability to change and improve mid-match. With the absolutely atrocious and annoying international breaks out of the way, I think I’ll retain my faith on Josep finding an appropriate groove for this team even though I’ve had to abandon my banana peel theory.

Rolling Credits

- Bench

I can’t help but sneak in a little note on the available bench for Barcelona which read: A full-time rapper who moonlights as a goalie, a slightly injured caveman, Keiteeeeee, the criminally underused Maxwell, a plate of Biscuits, a slightly worse version of Pedro, and an ineffectual Bojan.

- Crisis

Starts with a… slip. That’s what Joan Laporta labels this as. A slip. If you’re keeping count, that would make the number of slips Laporta has been a part of into a bona fide crisis by now (see: Barcagate, Catalan independence disputation). Luckly, Guardiola’s short career at the top has shown he’s good at keeping slips from turning into the Titanic.

- Zaragoza?

Yeah, they’re up next. Good test. Jermaine Pennant is rubbing his hands in excitement.

- Dani Alves

That frolicking gazelle who has hysterical goal celebrations is out for 3 weeks. Predictably it occurred suddenly as he was tracking a ball back by himself, not from some crunching Alves-rolling-n-yelping tackle. Enter: Oleguer.

- Banana Peel Theory

Scratch.

- Madrid Can’t Win Big Games Without C. Ronaldo Theory

Check.


Some Related Barcelona Posts:


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  • Great read

  • Yusha

    haha
    3 of you against 1 of me im getting more tatars next time:)
    this or that bad pass we won the match. that's it. it's only one match but in our short history that's a great victory for us and against a team like barca. did we get help from the ref? my friend was telling me when Besiktas beat Liverpool a few years ago they got pissed...I guess beating the big boys earns you such a good reputation

    anyway see you guys in the snow in Kazan...hope we can keep up with you this time since you'll be out to cream us :)

    selam..

  • iBlau

    Congratz to all Barca fans as well as Puyol. He deserves to retire with this club after everything he has given to it. Well done Laporta and well done Puyol. Roots before Money!

    Marquez must go end of story. Have people been reading the stories about the FIFA Virus? Thought I should just mention it because this post just went up on another blog and I found it very intriguing to pass it on as it discusses very suggestive points that are so true.

    http:// - spam! - fcbarcablog - spam! .com/74/spanish-analysis-the-fifa-virus-fact-or-fiction/

  • Jnice

    Get 'em, Helge.

  • Helge

    Haha, Yusha. That will certainly be a different game. And some people here realize the quality that your team has (read my comment from October 21st, 2009 at 12:30 am in this article).

    As you see, I've been aware of the exerted danger on us from Rubin Kazan. BUT, you are a fan of Rubin, so you are biased when it comes to talk about a deserved win or not (as am I). What do you think, a neutral observer would say, after watching the match?
    It was a brilliant shot from over 30 yards, a bad pass from Bojan into the feets of one of your players who then introduced a perfect counter-attack. Barca hit the woodwork twice, had 70% possession etc.

    So don't get mad if people claim that the win was lucky and a bit undeserved, measured on the amount of effort each team has given to score goals - which is usually essential to win. You've seen the same match, and deep inside, you know that this match could easily have been a draw or even worse for your side. I, for instance, appreciate the passion and effort your side put into the defensive work. But it doesn't imply that you deserved this win.
    Some people say, each win is deserved. That's non-sense, imo. You can also lose a match due to a poor decision by the ref, or you can dominate 99% of the match and still lose if Lady Badluck is constantly on your side.

    What do you think, did Inter Milan deserve a point against Kazan, despite such a great offensive performance from yours?

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