Must look good in blue and red, great first touch mandatory. Must be a team player and a fast learner. Patience and ability to learn new systems is essential. Catalan skills desired, but not essential. Please apply to:

Pep G
Camp Nou
Avignuda Aristides Mallol
Barcelona, Spain

All replies kept confidential.

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Okay. Time to play out the string, to find out what kind of fans we have at the Camp Nou. We’re bound for third place, and will have to play our way into the Champions League next season. Frank Rijkaard and Ronaldinho, two faces who came to epitomize all that this side stands for and strives for, are no more. One is off, most recent rumors say to Chelsea, the other is, depending on what you believe, off to AC Milan to join Mourinho and Drogba, again if you believe the football rumor mill.

What we do know is this: Mallorca is up, and we are at home with precious little to play for except a rousing send-off for a coach that I believe most of the players and a great many fans have come to love and respect.

Will there be the same kind of malaise there was during el Clasico, or will the players want to send out their chief with a smile on his face? I’m betting the latter, and that some serious stonk will be put down on a 7th-place Mallorca side that has been a very pleasant surprise this season. And their striker, Dani Guiza, can get a feel for what many hope will be his new home next season.

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That’s what we did. Rolled over and showed our goddamned bellies like a submissive dog, at a time when we should have been playing for a bit of pride, playing for the colors, fighting like savages for at least some salvation for this season of pustulence.

Instead, we get played off the pitch by a team that showed us how it’s done.

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Anyway, it’s morbo time in the Bernabeu and our boys, including the recently cleared Toure, will be there. Here’s the full squad: Valdés, Pinto, Zambrotta, Oleguer, Thuram, Márquez, Puyol, Abidal, Sylvinho, Touré Yaya, Edmílson, Xavi, Gudjohnsen, Bojan, Ezquerro, Giovani, Henry, Messi.. We’ll be missing a few key players through suspension and injury, namely Eto’o and Deco who both picked up needless and stupid yellows in the win over Valencia. Milito and Iniesta are out through injury, the former for 6 months and the latter for as long as it takes to recover from a slipped meniscus.
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First the real news and then the speculation: Gabi Milito has suffered an ACL tear that will require surgery and will put him on the sideline for around 6 months. The injury occurred during the Manchester United match a week ago, but, oddly enough, didn’t cause him to stop playing at the time as it usually does. After the match he got examined by the doctors and they found that he was busted. Crap. That probably means we’ll have to go in a different direction with our transfer policy because we can now no longer focus on the midfield and one defensive position. Rather, we’ll have another two new defenders, which will put our team in the same awkward situation of trying to gel that they were in throughout this year. Hopefully no other disasters befall our team during the next few months (in the league or in Euro2008).Now, on to the rumors: According to both Sport and EMD, quoting TV3, Pep Guardiola will be the manager next year. This is interesting news, if true, and is certainly the direction I’d like to go if (and only if) Frank Rijkaard steps down or is fired. If I were Frankie, I would be out of there because he can no longer do anything correctly by the fans or the board. And while I think he’s eating the bullets that should be aimed at the board, that is the life of a manager at a high-pressure club. It’s unfortunate and I’d like to see him get another year, along with Deco, Ronaldinho, and anyone else who is (supposedly) on the bus out of town. Pep is at least an in-house choice and has worked wonders with the Barca B team. You know he lives and dies Barcelona, so he’ll bring that kind of passion to the first team. Hopefully he can succeed by building on Rijkaard’s brilliance rather than putting the team into an entirely new system. I have my doubts, but if that’s the where the team wants to go, at least they’re keeping it all in the family.

The latest, greatest, rumor is that we’re in the David Villa race. Of course, that’s just stupid, because we have Eto’o, Henry, and some kid named Bojan to fill that position. If Real Madrid really want Villa then maybe we’re just “in it” to increase the price on their end. I just don’t think that we’re really going to go for another huge name striker unless we get rid of both Eto’o and Henry, something that would be very, very unintelligent. In my opinion, of course, as humble as it is…

That’s right. Just like a peacock. You heard me. Beautiful plumage, lovely to look at, and what does it mean? Is there satisfaction in having beaten Valencia, the team that took our most realistic chance at silver this season, like a gong? Dunno, but note the “celebration” after Thierry Henry’s second goal, then ask the question again.

Wait. I’ll answer. No.

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The current top 4 looks like this:
Real Madrid - 75pts
Villarreal - 65pts
Barcelona - 61pts
Atletico Madrid - 55pts
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I’m going to be brief with this one because it’s late and my legs are tired from a long, cold ride home to watch a match that left me absolutely gutted.

Time’s up. No silver. I usually detest the idiots who do the post-game analysis for ESPN but this time, they were right. When it came to the front line, only Messi came to play. Others did their jobs but at the front, where the difference should have been made, we had nothing. No, we had less than nothing. When was the last time we scored a freakin’ goal? Schalke? I can’t even remember, is how long it’s been.

And the taste in my mouth is a bitter one.

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This. Is. It. There’s no tomorrow, no next match. We’re in it to win or we’re out on the street. The whole season, all the good and all the bad, have led up to this moment, this game, these 90 minutes. Everything bad can be forgiven with a glorious display or the last 4 games of misery can be compounded and turned into an absolute firestorm.

So where do we stand in this second leg away from home? It’s 0-0 on aggregate, so we’re definitely not behind, but neither are ahead. The advantage we have is a draw including goals means we advance on away goals. However, any loss whatsoever and we’re gone and a goalless draw (the least likely of the circumstances, I would think) leads to extra time.
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