Barca 6, Valladolid 0, a.k.a. “Mercy please, Mr. Eto’o, sir.”

By: Kevin | November 8th, 2008

Welcome, everyone, to Samuel Eto’o show. But first, a bit of humor. On this very Offside, on the Man U page, back when we were shopping Eto’o, one rumor was that he was Man U bound. The lads over there didn’t like it. Wonder how they’re feeling now? Just asking.

Four goals. Four. Freakin’. Goals. And it wasn’t as much the reality of them being scored, as much as the way that they were scored.

As we all know, footy is often being in the right place at the right time. Eto’o is in constant motion out there, from pressuring keepers on goal kicks to just running around in the hopes that something will happen. This match was a vindication of that philosophy. He and the ball were simpatico today, joined in an almost telepathic bond. Even when Messi’s pass rebounded off the defender, it fell directly to Eto’o feet, sure as a pass.

It was just one of those games for our formerly cranky Cameroonian, and one of those matches for the side. As Isaiah pointed out in his preview, Valladolid are dog shite on the road. When they came out to play, running up and down the pitch and attacking as if they were at home….well, you have to admire the pluck of a lad staring down the barrel of a loaded gun, but he’s always going to find out where the bullets come from.

I admit to a “Say what now?” moment when I saw the starting XI: Valdes, Alves, Marquez, Pique, Puyol, Gudjohnsen, Yaya, Xavi, Messi, Eto’o, Henry.

Why? Because I just knew that Gudjonsen was going to be the turd in the punch bowl there. Hleb, as he showed when he was subbed, would have been much better with that group.

Things didn’t start off well, with pressure from Valladolid, mysterious long balls to nowhere, and general mucking about. Messi wasn’t passing, and everything looked kind of (okay, it’s too easy) Messi.

And then suddenly, a great pass from Yaya to Alves and an even better one from Alves, and suddenly it’s 1-0. I hope that everyone realizes the majesty of that first goal. That pass from Yaya was cross-pitch on a forward diagonal, right to Alves’ feet. And Alves was able, by falling down as he made the pass, to curl the ball directly into Eto’o’s path. And that was the game-winner.

Valladolid were still trying up to that point, and they continued to try. But when Eto’o cleaned up the garbage for that second goal, one that was again begun with an excellent pass from Yaya, this time to Messi, the shoulders slumped. You could see it. From then on, the only question was how many we would score.

Eto’o is quite clearly man of the match then, right? Dunno. I’d like to place a vote for Puyol. A win starts with not conceding goals, and our Captain was extravagant in his output of effort today. Like Eto’o on offense, Puyol was everywhere that the ball was on defense, with interceptions, clearances, a great sliding tackle in the box to prevent a sure-thing scoring chance, and upfield runs. He isn’t Abidal on that left wing, but with matches like he played today, we can safely sit until our French Greyhound returns.

Now, there were a few things that troubled me, that will be delved into in a fuller post later, but they bear mentioning now.

1. Messi holds the ball too long, too often.
2. There are signs of trouble in the ranks, from Gudjonsen giving Henry a hard time rather than celebrating the Eto’o goal, and were those words during the second goal celebration between Eto’o and Marquez? Then there was the angry exchange between Messi and Henry.
3. Messi particularly plays differently with Eto’o than with Henry.

(Got you all waiting with bated breath now, don’t I?)

But back to the gushing. This was also a match of the counterattack. Every team in the world who will watch these match highlights will say “We must be out of our minds if we attack them there Catalans.” One ball out of the back, and a defense is destroyed. They came from Alves, they came from Yaya, they came from Puyol.

The fitness is also worth noting. Late in the match, around the 80th minute, as Henry ran cross-pitch to chase down a Valladolid defender, I was thinking “He didn’t have to do that, and last season, he wouldn’t have.” It’s fitness and philosophy. We were running around like it was the 5th minute, while the Valladolid players just didn’t seem to have any gas in the tank. The fitness and will are the most impressive things about this side. Yes, the talent is there, as are the ball skills and assassins around the goal. But the starting XI isn’t all that different this season than it was last season, don’t forget.

Now, for the player ratings:

Valdes: 9. Great match. The saves that he did have to make, he had to make. He isn’t messing around in his box, clearing his lines, coming out fast and sure when he has to, and working with his back line in a way that Casillas is not this season. This season, so far for the two keepers, is a reverse of last season.

Alves: 9. He has a little ways to go yet, but from his passing to his defense to his ball control, he was full on today, playing like a man possessed. That bullet pass straight out of the box to a streaking Eto’o was just extraordinary. He’s beginning to understand how his ‘mates move and what they need from him. He’s also suddenly showing pace galore. His just-missed free kick could have been quite a goal.

Marquez: 9. Positively Puyol-like in the center of the defense today. He never put a foot wrong, clearing ball after ball, intercepting pass after pass. One point in my notes reads “More great defense from Marquez!” Exactly.

Pique: 6. He didn’t have to do much, but let me say that he plays with the damn ball too much. Twice in that match, he lost the ball just from dicking around with it, which is something that as a defender, you never want to do in your own end. It always leads to scoring chances. Just saying, is all.

Puyol: 10. Second spectacular match in a row from El Capitan, this one even better than the Basel match. He was simply amazing, with his runs, defense and ranging from sideline to center, including that one goal-saving clearance that got him plaudits from Valdes and the entire back line. He is almost the sole reason we had a clean sheet today.

Gudjohnsen: 2. He was crap today. I don’t care if he scored a goal. It was a garbage goal from, on this day, a garbage player. The moments weren’t many, but they were a legacy of shame, from him running around with the ball for what seemed like an hour, only to backpass to midfield, to that too-soft ball that almost got Xavi killed. He’s been good this season, just not today.

Yaya: 9. Monster, monster game. He has, in addition to his defense, become an offensive force with his passes out of the back. He stopped one Valladolid attack by applying just enough pressure to the passer to make him hesitate, thus forcing the striker offside. Exquisite. His play probably explains why Busquets was sitting on the bench, looking as if someone had just stolen his puppy. When Yaya plays like that, there’s no reason for Busquets to exist.

Xavi: 8. Xavi had about the quietest match of excellence that you will ever see. Today, he was the calm in the storm. His role was simply to hold the ball until the attack formed, then make the perfect pass-before-the-real pass. So he never gets an assist, but many, many goals just aren’t possible without him. I love this player, and I love to watch his economy of motion and controlled aggression.

Messi: 7. Now this might seem kind of low, but I’m not as taken in by slickness as many others are. There were attacks that he messed up simply by holding the ball too long, there was the time he stranded Henry with the ball, by lining up in an offside position and just standing there while Henry had four defenders kicking at his ankles. But then he started playing, running, driving and passing, and all was right in the world. When Messi recognizes his true role in the side, which is Wreaker of Havoc, he makes us unstoppable. He will always draw at least 3 defenders. When he passes instead of continuing his dribbling, goals rain from the heavens, from the thunderhead that is….

Eto’o: 10. What more can I add to the gushing above? Just an absolutely flawless match from him today. He was always in the right spot at the right time, never varying from his search and destroy mission. He strikes me as a shark on the pitch, constant motion until it’s time to strike. Then it’s all over but the shouting. Henry should take shooting tips from Eto’o, who usually leaves no doubt. Yes, he left a couple of goals on the pitch, but four goals? In one half? That’s just crazy.

Henry: 6. Man, was that some frustration on that goal, or what? He played too soft today. What he did he did very well, but he has to score the chances that he gets. In a closer match, those misses can come back to kill the side. And he fell down twice in the box for no damned good reason. I loved his effort today at keeping possession and creating chances. It’s scut work that he’s doing so well this season. But dammit, he’s being paid to be a striker. He and Eto’o left about the same number of goals on the pitch, but Eto’o already had four. Having said that, on the left wing, anybody who thinks that what Henry does is easy should recall when Eto’o tried the same thing in the second half, and couldn’t get free of the defense.

Substitutes:

Caceres: 6. Very, very solid. He came in for garbage time, but had a couple of very good moments, showing his pace at one interception to kill a Valladolid attack.

Keita: 5. Might have been higher had he gotten more time. His movement today began to show some of the reason we bought him. If that Henry cross were better, he gets a goal, too.

Hleb: 7. Again, more time probably brings a higher rating. The beauty of a player such as Hleb is that he always goes for the sure thing. His passes are never risky, and given the option of a slightly difficult shot vs the nice pass for a tap-in, he will always choose the latter. You can’t say enough about that kind of mentality. I’d like to see him in the Iniesta role. He’s even pale like our very own SPF.

Guardiola: 6. He persists in leaving Messi on the pitch too long. When Messi’s foot got stepped on in the second half, my notes read “He shouldn’t have been on the pitch. This game is done.” The subs could have been anyone, since Valladolid was completely cowed by that point.

Valladolid’s Away kits: 10. Love the purple stripes. Strikes the nice balance between gaudy and elegant.

Camp Nou fans: 10. That’s how you support a side. Singing and chanting? Awesome.

GolTV announcers: 2. They had a few good observations, but that idiot with his hyperbolic nattering drove me to distraction. And at one point, the calmer of the two said, referencing Messi, “I’d try to get him out of there right now.” Well Barca had already made its three substitutions, dummy.

And that’s what I know.