EE 2, Barca 6, a.k.a. “All your goals are belong to us!”

By: Kevin | May 2nd, 2009

A long time ago, in a galaxy far away, the Rebel hordes were enjoying a run of form, converting planet after planet to their joyous worldview as they romped across the galaxy.

And all was good, as the Footballing Force ran strong in them.

Then, an Evil Empire roused from slumber and proceeded to maraud across the galaxy, conquering 18 planets by force, magic and effort, climing the walls of the Rebel fort, and a breach was made.

People wondered if the Rebels were nervous, if the Evil Empire was about to destroy them. Then the plucky Rebels assaulted the Death Star, shooting proton torpedo after proton torpedo down the core until Saint Iker was riddled, and victory was theirs.

Yes. I could have just done a review that consisted of “Damn!” Then the points. But by writing, I can re-savor this amazing, amazing display. And that picture. That glorious picture is of our Man of the Match, Gerard Pique. It was a close one, really. Do you choose the entire team, Xavi with his 4 assists, Henry with his critical, critical brace, or Messi with his overall dominance.

I’m going for Pique, because to win, you have to first not concede, and every time the ball got near him, he won it, stonewalling Raul, dispossessing Robben, making a clearance sitting on his butt and just being a generally spectacular central defender.

And so it goes.

I’d also like to apologize to Chelsea, on behalf of cules and the Spanish press everywhere. We all feel horrible about things that we said.

Because I wouldn’t come out to play us, either. The EE had to, and look what happened. Bayern did, and look what happened. Now, like the other dismantlings, I’m sure that people will say that the other side was shit, that we were allowed to play with the ball and if you do that, of course you’re going to get beaten, blah, blah, blah.

But this was a simple display of superiority. There were three telling moments in the second half that spoke far more eloquently than any words could about what happened today:

1. A long attacking pass is well-defended by Puyol, who heads to Iniesta, who heads it back for a one-touch to Xavi, who one-touches it back to Iniesta who is covered by two men. He stops, spins with the ball and is off to the races, leaving Gago shrugging in exasperation.

2. Eto’o is hemmed in on the sideline, but forms a triangle with Xavi and Alves, creating a deft series of one-touch passes that calmly and effectively work the ball out of trouble, and onto the attack.

3. At about the 44-minute mark, Abidal is playing a long ball, with two opposing attackers charging at him. He calmly controls it and flips it forward with what is almost a backheel, causing one attacker (Gago, I believe) to perform what looks like a bit of applause at a play well done.

This was the best side in the Liga by a country mile showing the world exactly why. And it was done with a lineup that was supposed to be tired, and nervous, and hearing footsteps of their charging challengers. Out came Valdes, Alves, Pique, Puyol, Abidal, The Yaya, Xavi, Iniesta, Messi, Eto’o, Henry, to contest a battle that was, simply put, not only for the Liga title. Win convincingly and the team would head for London with a burst of confidence that will serve them well.

It was for real, for sure like. And we let it be known right away that we were there for business, as early chances came to Messi and Eto’o, in a match that was going to be up-and-down, because parking the bus wasn’t an option. If the EE went out, it was going to be like men, and we all have to applaud that decision because win or lose, you do so taking your best shot. Hats off to them.

One big difference in this match was the way that Henry was integrated into the offense early and often, as Messi drifted over to the left, Xavi played balls to him and Iniesta showed him some love. The result was a fully involved, dynamic Henry, who made Ramos look like a cantera defender in practice with the A squad.

And with all of that activity, who knew that the first goal would come for the other side? Robben worked a two-man run at Abidal, who did about the best that he could with no help, and an unmarked Higuain buried a header. Not a damn thing Valdes could do about that one, and the blame is all Puyol’s, as he just stood there. We were 0-1 down, and it was looking like a match.

Phil Schoen, however, trying to match Ray-Ray in the Hyperbolic Rant sweepstakes, said “Barcelona are on the mat bleeding!” Dude, it was only the second round. Lots more fight to go.

Because the way we were playing, with beautiful one-touch football bereft of dwelling on the ball and screwing around with it, just capitalizing on ball and player movement, meant that the equalizer couldn’t be far behind. And when Messi (dammit!) hefted a killer lob to Henry, danger was written all over it. Henry didn’t bother controlling it, he shot with the first touch, essentially using the inside of his foot to pass the ball past Casillas.

And it was 1-1, until shortly thereafter, a free kick for us, one of those set pieces we’ve been sucking out the planet at, saw Xavi (again) making a great effort to the head of Captain Caveman, who blasted in and skied as though launched from a missile, side-heading the ball past a rooted-in-place Casillas. Just like that it was 1-2 good guys, and the looks on the EE faces were shock and awe.

Yes, there was a lump in my throat as our Captain ripped off his Catalunya armband and kissed it in exultation after scoring his goal, and erasing the pain of his failure on the defensive end.

Like defending champions, they began pressing, charging forward and contesting the midfield. Xavi answered by pouncing on a moment of uncertainly by Lassana Diarra, gangstering the ball and turning Messi loose, who knew what to do. He put it past Casillas and suddenly it was 3-1 and truth be told, I didn’t know what to think.

Messi even showed off his philanthropic side by raising his shirt to show off a “Sindrome X Fragil” t-shirt, aimed at calling attention to a developmental affliction that children are battling. Awesome, every bit as awesome as the goal.

And halftime fell, with a bit of uncertainty. The EE has made a season of pulling out wins, battening down the hatches and coming back to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat with grit and determination. Couple that with our habit of getting bored with a lead, and you can understand my nervousness.

Yes, the Whites came out with vigor and aggression, and earned a rotten, flopping free kick. The cross came in, and it was a marking issue again, as Ramos was unaccounted for. Abidal was on his man, Pique was on Higuain and Ramos occupied the space between those two, knocking a clear, close-in header past Valdes.

2-3, and the comeback looked to be on.

Things were different today, however. Rather than the uncertainty we sometimes play with under pressure, we kept playing our game and not long after, an exquisite ball from Xavi fell to a just-onside Henry on the burst. Once again, he just lobbed it, not even bothering to control it but rather lifting it over Casillas with the side of his foot. The two-goal cushion was back and from then on, we were never threatened. We had absorbed the other side’s best shot, and brushed it away.

From that point we parked the bus, Barca-style, which meant possession. Constant, interminable, exhausting possession as the other side had to chase the match. And the possession drew closer and closer until suddenly, Xavi sprung Messi with yet another (yawn!) perfect ball. Messi smoked it past Casillas and it was 5-2.

And who knew that Pique, who had heretofore done everything else, was saving the best for last. He won the ball, dished it, moved into midfield, pushing up as our defenders do, then decided to play Thierry Henry. Seeing that Xavi was about to turn Eto’o loose, Pique burst into a full-tilt run, crashing into the box. He took the cross from Eto’o and shot but was parried by Casillas. Pique went back, got the ball and did this crazy, corkscrew, reverse-spin sort of shot that bamboozled Casillas and drove our Man of the Match crazy.

There is so much to say about this match, that was our best of the season, at the exact right time. But I’ll leave that to the comments. I do want to say that for all of the talk about our back line being a weakness, I think that those comments are only partly accurate. I say partly because I don’t believe that we do our real defending on the back line. If an attack gets that deep, something has broken down, because we defend from the midfield, with The Yaya, Xavi, Iniesta and the forwards tracking back. Look at how almost every time an attacker got the ball, a triangle closed around him.

This isn’t to excuse our back line, which has been shaky this season. But I just don’t believe it to be a traditional back line.

And with that….

Team: 10 A truly amazing display of unison football. Even players who were having down days contributed to the exceptional whole.

Guardiola: 10 He did his best coaching job of the season by telling the guys to take a few days off after the Chelsea match, to focus and cleanse their palates. Look at the result. His statement in rolling out his best lineup said “I have the utmost confidence in you guys. You aren’t tired, you aren’t fatigued, and you’re going to be brilliant.” And they were. Sometimes, the best coaching is not coaching.

Valdes: 8 He could have followed the flight of the ball better on those headers. Maybe. Or maybe I’m just being too hard on our keeper, who was spectacular, and never more so than when he prevented Dani Alves from making it 2-2 by stopping the flailing right back’s point-blank attempt at an own goal.

Alves: 6 He played a lot of defense today, but is still stinking out the pitch offensively. And that’s fine. He’s a right back, in case we all forget. Push comes to shove, I’d rather have him stopping his marker from scoring than working with the offense and creating space behind him. We have plenty of guys who can score.

Pique: 10 Spectacular. The play of this guy, who started out an uncertain mess, has been extraordinary for some time now. He has been our best back line member for quite some time now, and shows no signs of wanting to relinquish that crown. Robben ran toward him with the ball, full of intent, and Pique just calmly strolled up and nipped it away, distributing it up the pitch with style. Wow.

Puyol: 7 Yes, he got the goal back. But I’d love to know where the hell he was going when Raul was allowed the space to shoot. It’s almost as if he saw a phantom attacker in the box and was heading that way. Still, a very strong match by the Captain. I’d love to see him back there against Chelsea, but that’s life.

Abidal: 7 He spent much of the first half getting turned inside out by Robben, before finding his game. He was perfect after that, contributing to both offense and defense. Tell me again why people don’t like him?

The Yaya: 9 Full-on man back there, doing his job in a way that made Xavi’s life so easy, up to and including bringing the ball up and starting attacks, like a big, dark, world-swallowing Xavi. His touch is deft and his control brilliant. But when all else fails, he just stands over the ball and takes root, like a giant, brown sequoia.

Xavi: 10 Wow. Four assists? And all of them were inch-perfect efforts that dripped with consideration. It’s one thing to get a player a pass that he has to control and then attack. It’s something else to give a player a pass that all he has to do is what he does. The Henry passes, the Messi pass were all spectacular. That second Henry pass even took the Frenchman’s speed into account. Unreal. Note that he was clean-shaven, continuing the Stubble Theory of Excellence.

Iniesta: 7 He looked a little tired, and was curiously quiet. Once he picked it up he became a Xavi doppelganger rather than the box-storming hooligan we’ve all been enjoying these past few weeks, because he knew what the side needed and just did it. But dude, you gotta shoot. Lob Casillas instead of feeding Messi. Dig?

Messi: 10 After a string of mediocre matches, he was on fire today, unstoppable in every way. If that Messi shows up in mid-week at Chelsea, we’re going through. The movement, the effort, the jackrabbit-quick way that he gets after balls is back. Was it fatigue, or was he steeling his spine, conserving energy for these next two matches? One down, one to go? With the quality of Xavi, Pique and Henry, don’t underestimate the spectacular match that Messi had.

Eto’o: 7 Why a 7 for a guy who is still exhibiting a touch of stone? Yes, I said it. Witness two efforts he got in the box, and just cocked up. But he also knew that for Guardiola’s offensive scheme to work, he couldn’t be in the way, which meant drifting to the right so that Messi could roam to center or left. His passing was also very good, and his contributions to midfield control were excellent. Way to give it up for the team. Yes, he’s selfish. Yes, I wish that we could have he and Henry on at the same time, instead of either/or. But you have to admire Eto’o’s team effort today.

Henry: 10 He did everything, from midfield control to attacking like crazy. That little bit of keepe-uppe to befuddle Ramos made me laugh for its audacity and effectiveness. His goals both came at the exact right times, first to tie the match, then to restore the two-goal cushion. He tweaked his knee a bit thanks to a dirty Ramos play just off camera. Hope he’s okay for Chelsea.

Substitutions

Keita (for Henry): 8 Did exactly what he was supposed to do, and did it perfectly. We didn’t need what Henry does any longer. What we needed was that layer between Xavi and The Yaya, and that layer was Keita.

Krkic (for Iniesta): incomplete He ran around, got loose and smoked Heinze like a joint. Nice!

Busquets (for The Yaya): incomplete He ran around, got loose and didn’t smoke Heinze like a joint.

Now, it’s a 7-point lead atop the Liga standings, with 12 more points left to play for. There are still ways we could lose the Liga. We could draw the last four matches while the EE wins out. We could lose three and win one while they win out. But the odds on that, given the opponents (Villarreal, Mallorca, Osasuna and Deportivo), are shading toward nonexistent. Which is assuming that the EE beats Valencia and Villarreal.

So I’m coloring the Liga done. Buried. Stick a fork in it.

Now to settle a score in London.

P.S. I would be remiss in not mentioning some statistics: Messi scores his 1st and 2nd goals in the Bernabeu; Puyol knocks in his first goal of the Liga season; Pique’s crazy corkscrew was the our 100th goal of the campaign. Yay!