Preview: Barca v Mallorca, noon CT, GolTV; a.k.a. “It’s rest tiiiime,” a.k.a. “Two down, one to go.”

By: Kevin | May 16th, 2009

So. Isaiah is in Chicago, probably still at roller derby, where I left him for some much-needed beauty sleep.

And then it occurred to me: If he’s in Chicago, and I’m beauty sleeping, who, oh who, would write up the match preview?

Now I have to be all ugly and stuff, because I’m staying up late to do this. I hope you’re all happy.

And this won’t be much of a preview, because (everybody, repeat after me) this match doesn’t matter. I mean it does for those stat-hungry folks, right? We’re 5 goals away from setting a Liga record for scoring ‘em. But we won’t be able to crack the astounding 100-point barrier, though for a while it looked as if we would. Ah, those pesky stumbles.

But still, this match doesn’t matter, thanks to Villarreal handing the EE their just desserts. Would we all have rather have clinched it last week, when the Camp Nou would have been lifted from its moorings by the howling? Absolutely. Everybody except the Barcelona sanitation workers were hoping for such a thing, but it wasn’t to be.

And now it is. The Double. Copa and Liga, with Champions League next up, on May 27th.

First, however, there is the matter of Mallorca. They’re 10th in the table, and we have them at their (sharp-eyed Vj) home. But they about as much to play for at this point as we do, since they’re far from the relegation zone and also far from a European spot. There’s that pride business I suppose, if that stuff matters. But does it really, to professional athletes just trying to make it to the end of the season whole and healthy?

Good question.

Here’s the squad list, with the players who I don’t think should be anywhere near the pitch in bold: Valdes, Pinto, Oier (backup keeper from B), Alves, Puyol, Pique, Caceres, Abidal, Sylvinho, Xavi, Victor Sanchez, The Yaya, Busquets, Keita, Hleb, Gudjohnsen, Pedro!!!, Krkic, Messi, Eto’o.

Which means my starting XI would be: Pinto, Alves, Caceres, Victor Sanchez, Sylvinho, Keita, Busquets, Hleb, Gudjohnsen, Pedro!!!, Krkic.

Yes, we will need to get some pitch time for the big boys, so that they aren’t all stale for the Champions League final. So run them out for about a half-hour in the next match, them wrap ‘em in cotton wool and return them all to the prayer vigil over Thierry Henry’s knee.

Oh. Did I mention that WE ARE CHAMPIONS??!!

Whew.

Just checking.

Prediction? I predict that there will be a match played, and that I hope we will win. A lot depends on how serious Mallorca is.

Okay. 2-1 good guys. Happy now?

To make yourselves even happier, gaze in wonder at the Liga trophy, which is about to return to its rightful resting place, in the bosom of the Camp Nou.

Mmmm!