Barca 0-Espanyol 0, a.k.a. “Making Kameni look good”

By: Kevin | April 19th, 2008

Let’s just give him a pedicure, a nap and a bottle while we’re at it. Repeat after me:

If you shoot the damned ball where the keeper is, he’s probably going to make the save.

Make sense? Feel better now? Good.

Now. This match had the stink of a 0-0 just oozing from its pores. It was clear that Espanyol had zero interest in scoring a goal, or doing anything except keeping what they came in with. Shameful, but that’s what makes this beautiful game ugly sometimes.

And truth to tell, why should they come out to play with us? What’s in it for them except an ass-whipping? It got really bleak at about the hour mark, when it looked like the whole damned Espanyol side was on the pitch and in the box. Disgusting for us, but I reckon they’re proud. Or maybe not. Who gives a damn, really, because we should have put that match away.

Chance after chance after chance, and only once did Kameni have to do anything except stick a hand or arm out. Even then, all he had to do was fall to the turf to cover the ball. Bend it, make an extra pass, go high, do something except hit a hard, flat shot right at the keeper. It doesn’t take genius to stop those.

I knew it was going to be a draw when I saw Rijkaard’s “white flag” lineup of Valdes, Milito, Puyol, Sylvinho, Zambrotta, Yaya, Xavi, Gudjohnsen, Dos Santos, Eto’o and Krkic. Why? Where are the goals going to come from? Eto’o? Not without service, and where is that going to come from? That isn’t the game of Dos Santos or Krkic, really, which forces Eto’o to resort to parlor tricks. So. Lotta dancing the mambo in the box with the ball, few real scoring chances.

Why is Gudjohnsen’s name in bold-face? Because I couldn’t find a jpeg of a pile of shit to upload. But stay tuned for an edit. Absolute pustulence. He probably got in his car after the match and dropped the damn keys down the manhole cover. Just as I was about to say there might not be a reason to hope that he’s on the same bus out of town as “Santi Claus,” he has to make a liar out of me.

But wait a minute….there is LOTS of good news from this game.

Happy bench. Did you all see that bench shot, with the lads talking among themselves, and smiling? When was the last time you saw that?

Messi is back, on full-bore, mega-watt mojo. The difference he made in that game was unreal. But once Espanyol saw that we were going to cock up any real scoring chance he created, they just put three men on him and let the other guys screw up.

The movement is back. The passing and running off the ball were slick.

Yaya is spectacular. Those white shoes were everywhere today. He was a little gimpy in the first half, and I got a little scared. But what an extraordinary match. He gummed up the middle of the pitch all by himself. If we are to beat Man U, he has to be man-sized.

Valdes is getting it. Our high-waisted keeper finally figured out that we can pass, and stopped kicking the ball up the pitch, which is as good as conceding possession. Instead he rolled it out to a defender, who started the attack.

Milito’s on the comeback. He’s playing into being himself again which is good, because with no Puyol, we’re going to need him so much on Wednesday.

So. Yes there was a draw, which will all but mathematically do in the Liga chances for all but the most wild-eyed optimists. Even if the Evil Empire loses tomorrow, it’s still a 7-point gap with 5 matches to play (or something like that….told you all I hate math). Yes, it could happen, but the EE would have to collapse, essentially, and they aren’t going to face any teams that can really take advantage of that, except for us.

But all of these harbingers of good augur well for Wednesday, because we won’t be putzing around with Gudjohnsen or Dos Santos in the starting XI. We’ll have the real folks in there and frankly, I would give Henry the start in the middle, flanked by Krkic and Messi. But we’ll see.

So, we couldn’t finish today. Unfortunate, but Henry scores any number of those goals that Eto’o screws up. Why? Henry is a stylist with his finishes. His calculator is a little quicker than Eto’o in that he knows when to lift, loop or bend a ball. He also has the pace to create a bit more time and space to measure his shot. But he wasn’t in there. And now, player ratings:

Valdes: 4. He didn’t really do enough to get a rating. Just catch and toss.
Milito: 6. Strong play, and he kept the hatchet in his pocket, admittedly helped by Espanyol’s lack of interest in discovering the other end of the pitch.
Puyol: 8. Wow. What a match from the captain, who didn’t back out of any challenges, body be damned. Note that his two-legged challenge came minutes after Xavi backed out of one, yielding the ball to the Espanyol player. Man-sized match.
Sylvinho: 4. Some fine, fine service mixed with bouts of invisibility.
Yaya: 8. The man, the presence, the magic. That remarkable pick-pocket steal in midfield was awe-inspiring. The player didn’t even realize he didn’t have the ball for a second. He’s going to get even better? Unreal.
Zambrotta: 3. Lotta running, little result. Very solid, but we need more than solid on the wing.
Xavi: 5. Solid, solid match, even tracking back on defense. And he’s schooling on the pitch, making sure Dos Santos knew that he should have called for that header, and scored in the first half. That’s veteran mojo and a sign of some spine.
Gudjohnsen: 1. The one is just for showing up. He was terrible today. Bad passes, slow or no runs, just crap.
Eto’o: 5. Love the man, hate the parlor tricks. He should work on shooting with folks who know better, such as Henry and Deco or even Ronaldinho, if he’s still allowed near the pitch during practice. That man is a bit of guile away from being unstoppable.
Dos Santos: 2. Remember those recent matches in which he was playing so well? They were a dream. Never happened. This clunky, in-the-way kid is the Dos Santos we all remember. Welcome back.
Krkic: 7. All talent, industry and energy today. He is really, really going to be something. Our future, with he and Messi on the front line, looks bright. Imagine how it will be once those two learn to play together.

Subs:

Messi: 7. Hard for him to do wrong. He stood that match on his ear with those runs of his. He still wants to take on too much. Sometimes it’s like he only thinks of passing when he can’t run forward any longer. But he’s still learning the game, too. He’ll get better and better.
Iniesta: 7. Does it really get any better than being able to bring those two players off the bench? And I repeat: If the third sub was Henry, we win that match.
Marquez: 4. Didn’t dazzle, didn’t screw up. Just nice and solid. He’s moving really well, too, which is good to see.