As the Camp Nou Turns: the Barça telenovela

By: Isaiah | August 29th, 2008

I’ve spent my fair share of time with TV Azteca and nothing really beats a cold caguama of Indio and a sizzling hot hour of Amor en Custodia. But somehow, the last year or so in “Can Barça” has made all those kidnappings, love triangles, evil twins, and diamond smuggling grandpas look like child’s play.

For so long we’ve heard nothing but dance club gossip — did you see Ronaldinho with that drum!? — it’s almost a surprise to me when someone talks about an actual game. What do you mean, passing moves, tactical formations, and goals? What about Jaciara?

So moves were made, Laporta was voted half out of office, retained his post anyway, then kept on trucking through the transfer season. We brought in some new faces, kick out some old ones, found ourselves with a new manager, went on a tour of Los Estados Unidos de Dinero, fought malaria, and bombastically smashed our way through a fairly cupcake preseason.

Where does that leave us and where does that leave our dreams of winning the vaunted Triple? Well, folks, I’m here to answer all of your questions — the answer to one of which is 42. I’ll start, however, with who left us since we were last in competitive league action.

1. Edmilson, to Villarreal (free)
2. Gianluca Zambrotta, to Milan (€9m + €2m in variables)
3. Giovani Dos Santos, to Tottenham (€6m + €5m in variables)
4. Thuram, released, retired
5. Ezquerro, to Osasuna (free)
6. Deco, to Chelsea (€10m)
7. Ronaldinho, to Milan (€21m + €4m in variables)
8. Oleguer, to Ajax (€3m + €2.25m in variables)
9. Marc Crosas, to Celtic (€500,000 + €800,000 in variables)

That’s a total of 9 players gone, fetching €49.5million for the coffers (with another €14million and change in variables; so a possible €63.55million in sales). Not bad for summer’s haul, really, even if you disagree with getting rid of some of them. Gio for €6million, though? Could be worth more than Deco, in the end, but who sees that happening? Of course, we got Ajax to drop up to €5.25million on Oleguer…Txiki seems to be able to work some strange magic at times and none whatsoever at other times.

Let’s review, for a moment, the Barça careers of these players, as a way of saying goodbye, of honoring them, and of moving on to the next “era” in our club’s illustrious history. I’ll keep the same order as above, just to make things easier for all of us.

Edmilson: Appearing in more than 70 league games, Edmilson won a boatload of trophies with Barça: 2 league titles, the ‘06 Champions League title, and the Spanish SuperCup in ‘05. His career headed south after some unfortunate knee injuries and ultimately he was transferred for free to Villarreal. With his height (6′2″), I always expected more aerial prowess from him, but he kept it Brazilian: on the ground, with some deft control. I was never his biggest fan and usually one of his biggest detractors, but in the end I’ll always have fond memories of the years when he was our poor man’s Yaya and, of course, when he was on form, we were winning mightily.

Gianluca Zambrotta: There were extraordinarily high hopes for “Zamby” when he came over from Juventus in the middle of their 2006 bribery scandal; they were always, always going to be hard to live up to and it’s a shame that he came up ever so short of a league title in his first season. I was there for his debut against the Red Bulls and I, for one, was extremely excited about this non-Oleguer on our right wing, a right-sided Gio van Bronckhorst, if you will. But there were always miscues, a series small injuries, and never the level of understanding between him and, well, anyone else that I expected. He put in his years and he played well enough, but he was never the force we thought he would be and when rumors that his wife was homesick for Italy, it was time for him to pack his bags after 78 total appearances and head back home to Lombardy to play for AC Milan. His contributions (and failures) opened the door to Dani Alves’ arrival and may very well mark the end of a stagnate right-back era.

Giovani Dos Santos: There’s so much to Gio, so much to this wunderkid, that it’s hard to discuss his situation without something resembling bitterness. The anti-Messi, you could say, after Barcelona invested time and money in making a good player out of him, giving him the opportunity to make his mark, and, really, he blew it. He’s good, he has the potential to be great, but he seems more interesting in his own stardom than in actually being great. It’s hard to blame him, with all the pressure that’s been put on him, but thems the facts. At least I think so. Happy trails, little one, may your time in London be wonderful and may you prove all of us wrong…thus garnering us €11million total.

Lilian Thuram: What a class act. What can you say about this guy that others haven’t already said? A man who played for only 4 teams in his career (Monaco, Parma, Juventus, and Barcelona) and is the most capped player in France history (142), Thuram is also known as a kind and wonderful person always looking out for the others. And he even looks smart. That’s what glasses do for you. I know this because I wear them, too.* Thuram may not have appeared all that much for Barcelona (51 total times), but he always worked hard. Sometimes he wasn’t fast enough, sometimes he wasn’t in the right place, but he was always a true professional. Very Puyol-esque of him, only it’s Puyol who is Thuram-esque, really. The Elder Statesman went out through the backdoor, really, and its a shame a heart condition ended his illustrious career. I hope everything goes well for him outside of the footballing arena.

Santiago Ezquerro: Once heralded as a strong prospect, he made over 220 appearances for Athletic Bilbao before joining FCB. In 4 years, however, he only made it out onto the field in the league 24 times, scoring just 3 times. He struggled on until it was truly time to go, and he left on a free to Osasuna, his first club. While I’m not sad to see him go, I never heard about him complaining while he rode the pine, and that’s commendable. Rock on, Ezquerro, and may your time at Osa be wonderful.

Deco: When he joined from Porto for €21million plus the rights to Ricardo Quaresma, the fiery nutso that is Deco change a good Barcelona team into a great Barcelona team. But after winning the league twice and the Champions League once, Deco found himself wanting for titles as two season went by and no silverware was forthcoming. The board, the fans, and maybe even some of his teammates questioned Deco’s resolve, his willingness to sacrifice for the club. And so it all unraveled and the man who many credit with being the creative engine of the aforementioned successes, was sold on the cheap to Chelsea, of all clubs. With Quaresma’s development, the €10million transfer fee looks paltry compared to what Barcelona gave up for Deco, but Deco was turning sour and his departure seems to have breathed more life into the squad than any of the others. Not that I won’t miss Deco and his creative genius, he didn’t seem happy this last year and maybe he’ll be happier in London. Of all the transfers, he is the only one I don’t wish a good year too, but that’s because he plays for Chelsea, a club I abhor. Otherwise, I wish him all best a UEFA Cup spot has to offer…

Ronaldinho: The Man Who Would Be King faded so quickly it was almost impossible to notice. One moment there was the brilliant light of his genius and the next, the darkness that is the intense strobe lights of a club. Somehow the spark was gone, the brilliant glow of that crazy smile disappeared and the brutal Barcelona press never let up. As the face of the Champions League victory, he was expected to deliver multiple versions. The weight of unreasonable expectation and the glamor of Barcelona’s nightlife combined to derail the freight train that Ronaldinho seemed to be. Perhaps he’s beyond his prime, sinking slowly towards obscurity, but for now, Milan has a cash cow and the potential to resurrect rubber legs, the other-worldly genius. I may not be the biggest Milan fan, but I sure am a big Ronaldinho fan and I’ll probably never give that up, if only for sentimental reasons. 200 games and 92 goals won’t be forgotten any time soon. At least I hope not.

Oleguer: I’ll never stop believing in Oleguer’s humanity or respecting his intelligent political discourses, but what makes him worth noting as something more than a very mediocre role player (who nevertheless appeared in 162 games, almost all under Rijkaard), is his goodbye to the fans, which ends with, “I say goodbye therefore with a letter, without making a noise, just as I arrived…Therefore, it only remains to say that I will be among the millions of anonymous heads who celebrate my dream teams’ victories together. Thank you for everything.” Brilliant, touching, and above all, what I’ve always wanted to hear from a departing player. I know I’ve been harsh on him and I think deservedly so, but Ajax seems to think differently and they paid €3million in base transfer and €2.25million in variables. Wow. Have I misunderestimated him or is Ajax as foolish as I think they are? Still, he will give it everything he has and I have to respect that.

Marc Crosas: I think Celtic got a steal. He’ll develop at the right pace and will become a very solid player. Perhaps he was never meant to play at the FCB level, but he seems to have the heart, the drive, to make it in the sport and at the very least be a solid player. He, like Dos Santos, is still young, and almost anything can happen, but I just envision good things for him. And that’s great. Go Barcelona’s youth system. And go Marc Crosas, may you make the SPL your bitch.

What of the new boys, though? The ones brought in to replace those who left? Most of you know them already from or various previews, but let’s quickly review them, starting with the total cost. 7 new players with a total cost of €90.2million (with variables it could rise to €102.2million). So, at best, we’ve spent just under €33million. That really isn’t too bad if you’re tlaking about revamping a world-class lineup. That’s less money than was spent between 06/07 and 07/08 (Henry, Toure, Abidal, and Milito cost a combined €65million and we only recouped about €10million of that by selling Maxi Lopez, Giuly, and Belletti. Interesting anecdote, right?

Here, then, are the new guys:

1. Keita, from Sevilla (€16.2m)
2. Pique, from ManU (€5m + €2m in variables)
3. Pinto, from Celta (€500,000)
4. Caceres, from Villarreal (€16.5m)
5. Dani Alves, from Sevilla (€29m + €6m in variables)
6. Hleb, from Arsenal (€15m + €2m in variables)
7. Henrique, from Palmeiras (€8m + €2m in variables), out on loan to Bayer Leverkusen

I’m excited to see these guys out there, to be honest, but mostly because I see them as heralding a new era, which will take time to gel, and may or may not bring in non-Copa Catalunya silverware. But they’ll look good, regardless. Dani Alves brings crazy athleticism to the right side, where he’ll combine in an ungodly way with Messi. We saw it in the preseason and Numancia is going to get the full dose on Sunday.

The others will take longer to fit in, but they will. Keita will start scoring anti-madridista scorchers from a thousand miles away, Hleb will dance his magical way through defense, and Caceres and Pique will work their way into being a bigass, fastass backline that will make us all go ooh-ahh with reckless abandon…and they’ll make Valdes look terrific.

So there it is, your Barcelona 2008-2009 team. I’m excited, you’d better be excited, and soon we’ll see exactly why. We won’t win the Triple, probably not even a double, but we’ll contend at every level, and we can certainly win the league back, which will be about time. Real Madrid is going to be good, so is Villarreal, so is Sevilla, but we’re going to be better, more incisive, and, most importantly, more creative.

Now I must open the forum to you.

*Need more proof? Here and here.

PS. Based on other prices, doesn’t the €9million for Yaya seem like the greatest bargain in the history of time? I’m writing in Yaya on my US Presidential ballot, dammit.