Barca-Valencia preview (Thursday, 3:30 p.m. ET, GolTV), a.k.a. “Remember the Getafe,” a.k.a. “Ronnie needs a smack”

By: Isaiah | March 19th, 2008

Right. This is the first, for-real, no messing about, bring-the-silver ass game. We all remember what happened last year. All we had to do was take care of business against Getafe, of all teams, and we laid a big, fat, stinking, 5-goals against egg. Ugh. The woes of overconfidence shouldn’t be a problem this year, for a side (yes, ours) that has been, shall we say, complex.

What must they do? Valencia grabbed an away goal, so the aggregate scoreline is, technically, Barca 1, Valencia 1.5. So, it’s simple. We have to roll in there and kick the crap out of them. I want to see bleeding scalps, devoid of heads, and goals raining down from the heavens.

More likely? We’ll eke out a 1-goal win, just barely, and move into the final against Getafe, most likely, who should do the business against Racing Santander today. And then comes the revenge for last season, and the first silverware of the season for our lads.

And I’ll brook no naysaying, or the ninjas will be unleashed.

The squad: Valdes, Pinto, Zambrotta, Milito, Puyol, Abidal, Thuram, Sylvinho, Xavi, Yaya (can I get a big, fat AMEN!), Iniesta, Edmilson (boo!), Gudjohnsen (boo, hiss!), Krkic, Henry, Eto’o

Yes, the man….the legend….the magic….the man crush object, is back in the side. Yaya Toure. So all should be well again. No more dancing the mambo up the middle, no more “What do I do with this spherical thing,” sorts of passes out of the back.

The likely starting XI, therefore, should be: Valdes, Puyol, Milito, Abidal, Zambrotta, Yaya, Xavi, Iniesta, Gudjohnsen, Henry, Eto’o.

I think that Rijkaard will want to capitalize on the energy that Henry brought to the side in the second half of the Almeria match, by starting him. If he were REALLY daring, he would have a front two of Henry and Krkic, with Eto’o coming in case some second-half mojo was needed. Look for Iniesta to resume his “Not Messi, but still pretty damned good” runs into the box, and all will be well.

Now, for the real question: What in the moss-green HELL is up with Ronaldinho? Is he injured, or isn’t he? He wants to play, he’s too injured to play. He’s had MRIs and whatnot, and there doesn’t appear to be a damned thing wrong with him, which leads to the question, what is wrong with him?

He was doing so well in his introduction back into the lineup, too. Then this latest “setback.” Rijkaard, frankly, is being a candyass about this. Smack him upside the head, ask him he’s serious about playing for the side or not, then proceed from there. If he says yes, make sure he understands that he has to get his ass in shape, and quit screwing around. If he says no, remove him from the squad, and move the hell on. He can’t play for a new job on our time. The end.

I (as in Kevin, not Isaiah, a far more gentle and tolerant soul), for one, am sick of his crap. He’s a distraction, and a pain. “Just wait ’til Ronnie comes back,” some are saying. But I don’t think he’s coming back. 6 full matches this season? What the hell is up with that crap? Not the thing for a lad who is supposed to be in his put up or shut up year. Who wants him in their side, after the way he’s been behaving for Barcelona, a team and fans that have done nothing except shower him with love, kisses and Euros?

He wants to play in the side against Valencia, but Rijkaard left him out. So is he illin’, or isn’t he? Or has Rijkaard indeed done just what I have suggested? Interesting. Iniesta says he is indeed hurt, so shut up.

And at the end of the day, there is Valencia, at their home. They will no doubt be playing their guts out. Their president has resigned, the coach will almost certainly be fired if they lose this Copa match, and everyone always plays their little hearts out against us. It will be up to us to play well enough to get the job done. I believe that we will.