L’Affaire Eto’o (the latest), a.k.a. “Please baby, please, baby baby baby please!”

By: Kevin | June 21st, 2009

What does this man want? Money? Fame? A ticket to Milan? To spit in the face of the club that has brought him so much fame and glory? To be understood and lavished with wads of cash? Love?

Good question.

This guy is news, because he is the key to so many things. If he stays, we have to figure out new attacking options. If he goes, we have to figure out what striker to buy. In the “keep or sell” world, reactions are still strongly in favor of keeping him. And we can add a new name to the “keep” side of the ledger, sort of:

“Eto’o finishes his contract next season and this means we must sit down and talk,” said our Supremo, Joan Laporta. “The will of the club is that he continues here for many years, always in compliance with our pay structure.

“For me he is the best striker in the world. It would be nice if he finishes his career at Barca.”

Let’s have a look at that bold-faced statement. Is this a negotiating tactic? It isn’t the first time that Laporta has said “We’d love to have this dude stay,” nor is it the first time that the caveat “But not at any price” has been added.

But why now, and what does it mean? Does it mean that we’ve given up on getting a high-quality replacement, given the marketplace reality, and are ready to talk real turkey with Eto’o? And what of this report in Sport, by one Jose Luis Carazo, who somehow claims to know of Eto’o tantrums and flying boot incidents?

The Blaugrana gods only know.

In other non-news:

–Is Robinho going to pressure Citeh by activating the “non-competitive” clause in his contract, forcing a move to our (probably) welcoming arms?

–The always-reliable Didier Drogba is rumored to have said that Inter’s “Special One” called him with an offer to pair him as a strike partner with Eto’o.

–Britpapers are saying that Garry Cook, Citeh’s Dude of Dudes, will be visiting Barcelona to get down to business about our Cranky Cameroonian.

–In a bit of bad news for Hector, Liverpool has rejected our initial bid for Mascherano. Or the bid never happened, and we aren’t even talking about the Argentine midfielder. It depends on whose rumors you believe. In that same category, the EE is purported to have bid 35m for Mascherano, because “Hey, you can never have enough guys, particularly since the Liga is going to pass a rule allowing us to play with 16 on the pitch.”

–As usual, Frank Lampard and his wife are vacationing in Catalunya. So when the rumors start that he is coming to Barca, don’t be surprised.

Yes, I am taking all of this nonsense with a fat dose of humor-filled grains of salt. Since people seem a little surprised by the frenzy of the Silly Season, here’s how it works:

A journalist needs a story. So he figures out who’s in play, and possible destinations. It’s clear that Eto’o is on the block, so let’s get some stuff going. It’s clear that Moratti visited Barcelona, so a deal for Ibrahimovic MUST have been done, because that’s the only time that club presidents meet. Further complicating matters is that clubs have newspapers that are unofficial mouthpieces, such as Sport for us, and AS and Marca for the EE.

In our case matters are even more complicated, because we don’t do the high-pro media stuff, preferring to negotiate like grownups. This sometimes allows us to snake off a deal, sometimes not. But because journalists are also fans, sometimes things are written in a speculative sense, as in “Boy, it sure would be nice if….”

And then a “story” comes out, and non-stuff starts happening that clubs have to deny on Web sites and the like.

And life goes on.

So yes, there’s a big, heaping dose of snark and sarcasm here, which is what I treat all transfer rumors with. Because until I see the picture of the player, grinning at the truckful of cash that is soon to come his way, I call BS on every last, single transfer rumor.

Because that’s how I roll. You won’t get many of these posts from Isaiah or I, because we feel about the same way that Hector does about Silly Season. But when there’s something concrete to say, as in the Laporta comments about Eto’o that might indicate something is about to happen, it will be worth noting. And I might throw some other stuff in there.

Or I might not.