Man U 1-Barca 0, a.k.a. “No silver for you!”

By: Kevin | April 29th, 2008

I’m going to be brief with this one because it’s late and my legs are tired from a long, cold ride home to watch a match that left me absolutely gutted.

Time’s up. No silver. I usually detest the idiots who do the post-game analysis for ESPN but this time, they were right. When it came to the front line, only Messi came to play. Others did their jobs but at the front, where the difference should have been made, we had nothing. No, we had less than nothing. When was the last time we scored a freakin’ goal? Schalke? I can’t even remember, is how long it’s been.

And the taste in my mouth is a bitter one.

Sorry in advance for being so irritable, and I will confess that I shed tears of rage and frustration and yes, sadness. We were so good, and ultimately so bad. Why does this game rip your heart out time and again?

This was the time, the match to take chances, roll out with a lineup that would stand things on their ears and at least take a chance. I knew the lineup in advance, but my heart still sank to see it onscreen:

Valdes, Puyol, Milito, Abidal, Zambrotta, Xavi, Yaya, Deco, Messi, Iniesta, ~~Eto’o~~ The Cameroonian Turd.

This isn’t because there isn’t talent aplenty out there. It’s because it’s exactly the lineup everyone expected Rijkaard to play and as usual, he doesn’t disappoint. Conservative and ineffectual time and again, it’s the lineup that we know does one thing: Doesn’t score, and has the one Keystone Kops moment at the back that results in a score for the other side. That they did what they do so well yet again shouldn’t have shocked anyone.

We started out like a house afire and I’m sure that everyone here was thinking the same thing that I was: We’re about to take care of business. But as usual this season, we flattered to deceive. One abysmal, detestable joke of a giveaway from Zambrotta, and it’s 1-0 to the bad guys. From that point on, the match was completely different, and I knew, despite all of my acknowledged optimism, that we weren’t going to win that one. Why?

Because the strike force was invisible. Deco was back to his flailing, ineffectual self. Eto’o does a lot of running around when there’s nothing to be gained by it, but does nothing when it counts. He deserves to go to Tottenham. They’ll love him there. Here’s the thing, Samu: When someone passes you the ball, use touch to control it, you jackass. And then we sub Henry for Iniesta? Henry and Eto’o are like oil and water, and Rijkaard knows that.

And so it goes. I’ll leave the commentary to the comments, but we were outplayed. Pretty possession is worthless when you don’t score goals. Fans of Ronaldinho will say had he been there, we would have scored, but I don’t think so. This match was typical of this season, really, one that I just want to be over. We should thank Man U for putting us out of our misery, to be frank about it. I love the colors, love the side and right now, I’m just sick and tired of watching us screw about with the ball and do nothing at the crucial point of attack. Pretty, empty football, like a supermodel who can’t add two plus two.

People will blame Zambrotta for the giveaway and the subsequent goal, but they shouldn’t. Without question, he was as bad as he has been all season. Anyone who claims that he took Ronaldo out of the game is insane. Ronaldo did scutwork to make sure that his side did well, and took himself out of the attacking part of the game. Zambrotta did shit.

But this is a team loss. Even the players who played their hearts out are part of the team that lost that one. The players who didn’t show up should be ashamed of themselves when they look in the mirror tomorrow morning. Because they faced a side that was beatable, and they failed to do it. Yaya, Abidal, Puyol and the glorious, divine Messi showed up. It’s hard to play four on eleven.

We have some housecleaning to do and right now, there aren’t many players I can think of whom I would like to see in the colors next season: Valdes, Puyol, Milito, Yaya, Iniesta, Messi, Krkic, Abidal (yes, Abidal). I go back and forth on Henry because of his coaching value to the youngsters but right now, I want him gone, along with everyone else not on that very short list. We have to start with the players who have a spine, with a coach who can make sure that they keep it. And I don’t mean Curly Top.

We could have won this match, moved on to the final and done the deal, then spanked the Evil Empire at the Bernabeu. But that would involve actually putting, as Jenny said, that little round thing in that big rectangular thing.

But as I said, I’m quite comprehensively disgusted right now. And with that, player ratings:

Valdes: 5. Didn’t really do much, and was a victim on the goal. No keeper alive stops that one.
Milito: 5. Pulsated with adequacy.
Puyol: 8. He put out, time and again. It was him, and only him that kept things in check in the box. Could have been worse.
Abidal: 7. Another very solid match from the Frenchman. He’s saving his bacon toward year’s end with some very impressive play.
Zambrotta: 1. He gave away the ball for the goal, and was shit the rest of the time. Put his ass in a box with Galliani’s address on it, and overnight it to Milan.
Xavi: 5. Insufferable dithering and negative balls. Yes, he did some work and yes, he won some balls. But his position is crucial to our offensive success, and he didn’t show up for that part of his game.
Deco: 2. A big, fat ball of suck. That was the Deco we all know and hate so much. He couldn’t keep possession of the ball if he was holding it in his hands.
Yaya: 8. As usual, as stalwart as Puyol on the back line. Can we just clone him, and be done with it? No summer transfer money need be spent, just medical research funds.
Messi: 9. Effort, energy, style and indomitable will. He just kept battering his head against that brick wall, with hardly any support from his mates. Where have we heard that one before?
Eto’o: 2. Worthless. Lots of running to absolutely zero avail, and I think that I have a better first touch, and I don’t even play the game. Someone please tell me we are going to sell him.
Iniesta: 4. He let Hargreaves mark him out of the game, despite being faster and a better ball handler than the man who has been battling a freakin’ knee injury all season. Unacceptable.

Substitutes

Henry: 2. Get a header, hit it right at the keeper. Nice work, jackass. He was a big, fat cipher.
Krkic: No score. He didn’t get a chance to do anything.
Gudjohsen: see above, though I will say that if Gudjohnsen is who you bring in to try to make something happen, things are worse off than we thought.